I had loved him before and it was not enough. And now he hurts me by wanting to be with me. I still love him, I do. I'd do anything for him. The thought of being in his arms again was making my heart come back alive.
Though I know he will tear it apart once he had had enough of me, I will do as he asks. Cause that's how much I love him. Yes, I still love him, although I keep it hidden inside. No one needs to know, not even the man I love.
*****
Armand was as strong as I remembered. It has been decades ago, that he had fallen out of love with me. He had hurt and tear my heart apart the moment he ended things between us.
The room that I used to be in, the bed that he used to worship my body in, the sweet sweet words that he used to whisper in my ear, it all came back to me the moment I reached my room. As one of his generals there was nothing I could do but follow his order, the sex was as good as I remembered. Though the fire in his eyes that he had had once before was not there anymore.
I'm a masochist. I yearn for him to break my heart over and over again. As his general, I had tried my best to keep everything unchanged. His new lover, his harem, Basilea the succubus, had made him fall for her. And I know this because that was how he looked at me before when he still wants me in his bed.
The love that I have for my king still beats in my heart, no matter how many times he has torn it apart it's still there. When Rain was in his bed I had accepted my defeat, but when he wanted me back with his succubus, I knew he was going to tear me apart all over again.
I must've fallen asleep, the succubus must've drained my energy. It had been too long since I enjoyed being with another, having the intimacy that I wanted. Since King Armand, no other creature had made me want them as much as I want him. I used to think it was his king's aura, but deep down I know it was because of my love for him.
"Magnus, I need to speak to you." The king was in my chamber, I was still naked, and my body was still protesting to get up. But I'm his general, so I pushed myself up not bothering to cover myself since he had seen me in my natural form countless times already.
"My king, what can I do for you?" I was to his front when I decided to take my cloth and put on my pants, while he watched.
"Magnus, are you okay with this? I know we had our history, but..."
"I'm okay, I serve you, I'd do anything for you." Because I love you.
My chest hurt, I clenched my jaw and he knows, he looked straight at me and he knows that my feelings for him were still the same.
"Do you still love me?"
"I do," I replied without any hesitation.
"I'm sorry." He replied, looking truly sincere and it hurts me even more.
"I'm not, I gave up trying to stop myself from loving you. My king, you will have my heart, my body, you know I'd die for you." I took his hand and put it on my chest right above my beating heart. But he moves his hand, turns my body, and traces the jagged scar I got from our attempt at getting back his former lover, Rain, who's now taken his place besides King Ranulf's throne as his mate.
"I didn't realize you were hurt this bad."
"As I said, I'd die for you," I repeat my words, but I remember the pain like it was yesterday. The poisoned blade cut my waist straight to my hip bone. I almost die that day and I hate that I didn't. Fallen angels can only be killed by one of our own, we're immortal beings until one of us takes our own lives. Maybe one day he'd break my heart so bad that I die from the pain. But yes, it had taken me weeks before the wound finally better and I didn't feel the pain any longer.
"I'm sorry, I couldn't help how I feel about Rain, about you, and now Basilea."
"I know, and as I said before. I love you. I think I will always,"
"Ssh..." the king turned me back again, and silenced me, putting his thumb on my lips. He tilts my head to face him and gives me his kiss. The long-awaited kiss that mold my body to his while feeling his other hand caressing my ugly scar. The scar that I had in remembrance of my undying love for him, a reminder of how far I'd go to please my king.
"Armand," I didn't bother with his title and he didn't correct me, the intimacy was too much.
"I know Magnus, I know..." the king deepened the kiss, cradling my face, taking my breath away from him. I couldn't stop my moan from escaping my lips when he reaches down and undo my cloth stripping me away, uncovering my needs for him.
"Ohh... mmph..." I was silenced by his kiss, the kiss that I longed for too long, the kiss that I yearn from my love. My heart flourished when he whispered his words, asking for my forgiveness while stroking my length.
"Lay back onto the bed," his words were too seductive and I was swooning and leaking for him. "Armand, you don't have to do this."
"I don't have to, I know, Magnus, but I want to..." he pushed me to my bed, and I relent and pushed my hips the second he was on top of me. I miss his body weight, I miss his scent, I miss his touches, his kisses and I was in the deepest level of hell when he goes down on me.
He was taking me deep into his throat, my hand reached down to grasp his hair. I've done this before, the memory comes back easily and I was lost in his care. I didn't want it to end, I didn't want to come, I want it to last forever.
"You can let go, I will not leave you so soon. I will stay." As if he could read my thoughts he said the words, but I shook my head my heart didn't want him to let me go. I didn't want this to end. I could feel the hot tears falling down my cheeks, there was no humiliation. My tears were for him, for us, for all the love I still have for him.
"I'm so sorry," he came up to kiss my lips and abandon my throbbing erection. He knows I needed him, I was a mess, and my feelings were all over my goddamn face. He was straddling me, tugging his pants off, and was naked on top of me in seconds.
"I love you," I grabbed his body, pulling him down to kiss me, my legs parted to let him rub our cocks sensually.
"I know, I know... Magnus,"
He didn't say it back, it hurts but I was okay with that. I'd take anything he'd give me. He let go of my lips to kiss my tears away, maybe I like hurting myself, but I was addicted to him. I like the hurt he caused to my heart, at least I was feeling something again. I was numb for so long, I couldn't feel anything for anyone since him.
"Armand, please..." I finally succumbed to my desire, I wanted to feel him, I wanted him inside me. I wanted him to hurt me, I wanted him to maybe one day kill me and end my suffering.
I cried his name the second he entered me in one powerful thrust. My vision was blurry, yet I didn't want him to stop. We were breathing heavily, legs entwined, bodies flat against each other. My cock was pulsating, wanting its release, but I kept holding myself back. I didn't want this to end, I needed him, I thirst for him.
"It's okay, Magnus, please let yourself go, for me..." he whispered while nibbling my ear and when I couldn't hold on any longer I let myself go and he kissed my tears away and I felt him burst inside me not long after.
"I love you," I whispered in between his kisses, he didn't reply, he just kept on thrusting slower, until he was done pumping every last drop of his cum inside me.
But he didn't let me go, he pulled me into his chest, his wings cocooned us, and embrace me for the longest time until I fall asleep in his embrace.