Chapter 36

I’d gone up to my room to regroup as soon as everyone had left the meeting. I just needed to wrap my head around this before it happened. Six realms, combining forces to shut down the atrocity we’d been living for months without pause.

I turned and looked at the winter gear laying on my bed. I nodded, okay, we could do this. I could do this. I pulled out my phone and checked the time. I’d put off going to feed until the last possible moment, so the effects would last for however long it took. I was starting to envy the elders that could go a few days between feeds. Then again, I was still comparatively an infant at forty.

A knock on my door had me almost jump out of my skin. “Come in.” I called out.

The door opened and Emil walked in. He was carrying a winter jacket similar to the one on my bed.

I motioned to it. “Have you tried it on? Are we going to be restricted?” I’d hated the winter uniform jackets I’d had to wear before.

He lifted his hand and looked at it. “No, it was good when I tried it out.” He looked down at his feet. “The heavier boots are a bit awkward though.”

I nodded. “But prevent slipping.” I paced quickly to the other side of the room. “I have to be honest here, I’m freaking out at the idea of being under the snow.”

“No, you’re not.”

I gaped at him with a ‘have you seen me’ expression.

“You just need to feed.” He tossed his jacket on top of mine. “You should know the signs by now, Kinsley, hunger first affects your mind, and it’s running in every direction.” He tilted his head and smirked, “I spent a year thinking I’d completely snapped before I knew I had to bite people to sustain life.”

I hugged my waist and looked at him. “I can’t even picture what that must have been like.” Of course, I needed to feed. How could I be so stupid?

“Don’t,” Emil came closer, “try to picture it.” He stopped right in front of me, “it wasn’t pretty.” His eyes held mine prisoner. “Our blood bond has worn off.” He said softly.

 I bobbed my head, “yeah it’s not a long-term thing.” The soft tone he was using was soothing.

“I was,” he looked at my mouth briefly, “surprised when feelings of melancholy arrived without your presence inside me.”

I licked my lips when he glanced at my mouth again. “We can’t keep doing this mate, no mate dance, Emil.”

“Mmm, so you said earlier.” He reached out and brushed my hair back from my face. “I didn’t know we were dancing around it.”

My brain said back up. My body just stood there. “You don’t want a mate, but you restrict me as a mate would.”

He looked surprised. “I restrict you?”

“Yes. Ordering me to feed after the meeting.” 

He smirked, “and yet you haven’t.” 

“Touching me, looking at me in a way a mate does,” I uncrossed my arms and grabbed his hand that lingered on my shoulder, “but you don’t want a mate.”

 “I don’t expect you to understand it but having lost five...”

I nodded, “I know five wives.” Why did that bother me so much? I released his hand and crossed my arms over my chest. “Do you still love them all? Or the last?”

He frowned. “I will always have feelings of fondness toward them...”

“You’re not still in love with any of them, drowning in longings for a ghost.”

He raised one eyebrow at me, “no, I know the difference between reality and fantasy.”

“Okay.” I nodded vigorously and backed up a few feet before turning and walking to the other side of the room. “So here’s some reality for you,” I glanced at the lamp on the table and debated on levitating it into his head, “this,” I made a jerky motion from him to myself, “isn’t a meet, fall in love and then marry thing.” I gave him a hard look, “a true mate is nothing like you’ve ever dealt with before—or ever will again.” I had no idea why I was so angry with him right now. “Having a mate is a connection you will never be able to feel with any other.” Or so I was told I added in my mind. “Did your wives know who you really were?” He opened his mouth and I waved a hand, “I don’t mean your real name—” I put my hands on my hips, “I mean every nuance that makes you who you are.” I glanced at the lamp, then spun away so I couldn’t look at it. “That is what a true mate is.” Why? Why, was I arguing for mates all of a sudden? Where was that woman who decided that this wasn’t what she wanted?

“Kinsley,” Emil touched my shoulder making me spin around and face him. His expression showed pain and worry, I didn’t know why. “Come here.” His voice was low and calming. Putting his hand against the back of my neck, he guided me toward him. I moved like I had no control over my own actions. “Feed.” He whispered against my cheek. Leaning down, he tilted his head to the side.

I moved before I realized it. Grabbing a handful of his hair, I moved his head to the side and bit into his neck. His essence was like nothing I’d ever had before. It felt like lightening moving through my body.

Emil uttered a low growl, and I was boosted up against his body. Licking over my bite, I jerked his head so I could attack his mouth. I wanted to climb inside him, consume all that was him. My tongue scraped over his fangs and that ignited a strong need inside me.

I felt my back hit the wall and hadn’t realized we were even moving. Emil tore his mouth from mine and grasped the hair on the back of my head. Moving my head to the side, he bit into my neck without warning. I gasped and wrapped my legs around his waist.

This was insane. Completely out of control. I didn’t want to stop. I needed… I needed… I didn’t know what, but the need was burning through me.

He lifted his head away and his sexy red eyes looked into mine. “This goes way beyond lust.” He said in a rasping voice. “I feel like I need to consume you.”

I tried to swallow and ended up panting harder. “It’s the drive to mark me.” I looked at his mouth. “It’s got me too.”

Lowering his mouth, he dragged his lips over mine. “Is this something we should explore?” He covered my mouth in a heated kiss before I could reply.

I clung to him trying to be closer.

He lifted his mouth away and looked at me again. “With or without marking each other we’re finishing this later.”

I nodded, not able to find any words.

“If we don’t go now—we’re going to be late.” He kissed my mouth softly.

I blinked. The fight. I’d forgotten we were taking out Arwan today. I slid down his body, a shiver of awareness filling me when I felt how much he wanted me.

“Get your amulet on.” He said and released me. He moved and stood on the other side of the room staring at the wall. I watched his shoulders rise and fall as he tried to rein in his breathing. I was lost, there was no way I was walking away from this man, ever. Grabbing the pendant off the dresser, I put it on with shaking hands and turned to get my jacket off the bed. Emil stood there watching me. His expression told he was thinking as I was.

“Let’s go get this lunatic.” He said softly and put out his hand.

I grabbed my jacket and sword case and took his hand.