Untruths Revealed.

Untruths Revealed.
Caspian

I have been lying in the same position for five hours and can no longer feel my left arm, but I find I would be happy to have it severed off altogether if it meant I could lie here forever holding Catherine in my arms. I was so sure finding her pet was the right thing to do, but with the way she sobbed I must admit I have doubted myself. I knew from what Marjorie had told me that Catherine was carrying pain, but I must admit it took me aback to see just how much when she was reunited with her cat.

I feel slightly adrift, lost and at the current's mercy when it comes to figuring out how to help her. I will get her anything she needs, though I remain unconvinced even she herself knows what she needs. At least here and now, in her upset I can offer her a safe harbour and so I dare not move, lest I disrupt the sleep she needs. The rest will do her good, help her to heal and learn to thrive again.

I have failed her so much in our courtship, and I am in no doubt it is an action I am incapable of forgiving myself for. But right now, I vow on all the salt in the sea and all the rivers and loch systems of the land that I shall never let her down again.

At least I know from earlier, even if it is not for herself, that she has some fight in her still. The way she stood up for Mira, as needless as it was, and then made sure her displeasure with me was known brings a small smile to my face. Even if I do not believe I could possibly be the root cause of her anger.

"You were," her soft voice answers me, startling me from my thoughts, as I belatedly realise I was speaking aloud and have been disruptive of her rest.

"Catherine?" I check gently, in case she is still somewhat asleep.

"Who else?" She answers without moving, "And to clarify, in case you are still in need of it, you were the cause of my ire."

"What? How? I did nothing wrong." I say in response, and disbelief.

"You upset your sister, after almost injuring the two of us, Caspian, that was more than enough to warrant some self reflection at your behaviour. Self reflection you were not giving any indication of being capable of." She explains herself, and I am at a loss.

"How can you say such things? You must be imagining things, or maybe you need more sleep yet. Yes, that must be it, I mean you are not even looking me in the eye." I smirk, briefly enjoying what must be my bride's playful nature.

All I have done for hours is reflect upon my failings, I know of that I am definitely capable.

"Caspian, I am not looking at you, because I as loathed as I am to admit it, I have never been so comfortable in my life and if I move I may disturb Chastity. However, please do not do me the disservice of assuming I speak untruths just because you are unfamiliar with the narrative. I saw your sister's face fall as if she had been freshly hollowed out when you spoke about her earlier. Your words cut her, and that is why I was angered." Catherine explains to me, but it doesn't add up; she is not telling me something.

"What else?" I ask without preamble.

"What do you mean, 'what else'?" She responds on a yawn.

"Catherine, our very souls are tethered together, it is no use hiding things from me, I will always know and strive to seek them out." I explain, noticing how she tenses in my arms with an unease that seeps through from her body to mine.

Before answering, Catherine begins to move and I cannot help but squeeze my arms that much more securely around her.

"Please, stay," I am not ashamed to admit, I beg of her pathetically.

I feel her exhale as she freezes mid movement. There is a moment where feel I do not know what she will do, yet somehow inside I know she is retreating from me again, and it takes all I have to allow her to do so. To remind myself that I cannot force her to stay, because I know she has been forced enough by that slug of a male who I will not deem worthy a name. It feels like an age of uncertainty passes all too fast when she pulls away entirely and even though I expected it, I cannot help but feel lanced in the gut by disappointment.

I cannot help the sigh that escapes me.

"I have to find food for her. She is too thin, it is not good for her." Catherine explains, as if this alone is why she retreats from me.

I want to object, but I know all I can do is support her right now.

"What does she eat? I shall have it brought" I ask, registering the look of surprise on her face.

I am unsure whether she is surprised by my offer of help, or by my lack of action regarding her withdrawal. Both perhaps, but I cannot respect her needs and push her for an answer simultaneously.

"She eats meat, so some fish would be good, if that's possible?" She asks, and I nod.

Rising from the bed I move to the outer rooms of our chambers, to send a pulse through the wall for a server to bring fish, and making a mental note to teach Catherine how to summon help, but I pause trying to figure out whether the fish should be cooked or raw. I should most likely check, however when I turn back and see Catherine settling back into bed with her cat, I think better on it. I do not wish to disturb her, so instead I exit my chambers altogether and make my way through the palace towards the closest kitchen, avoiding any others I sense along the way as I do not wish to be burdened by their back slapping and cries of jubilant salutation at my return with Catherine. Not when I have failed her so extraordinarily as a mate already. I curse myself for my first failed hunt, I curse myself for not finding for her sooner by just returning to that original cove, I curse myself for not saving her from that slug of a male by stealing her away when I first had the chance, and I curse myself for her painful transition because I chose to leave her sleeping in her small boat instead of awake and aware, and in no doubt of my existence and my planned return.

In my self loathing mood I make it to the kitchen vastly faster than I thought possible, glad to find it empty. Its cool in here without the hot springs being directed through the units the cooks use to prepare the meals, and I move towards the back of the room to where the supplies are kept in a large walk in larder area. I am not entirely sure of what I am looking for to be perfectly honest, some kind of fish I suppose. Usually there is always a cook around when I enter the kitchen around meal times to plead for extra, and I am obliged before I am swatted out of their way. But now, my initial relief has turned to frustration because I refuse to fail Catherine in this as well! She too will need food and I just have to do something right. It is with a groan of poorly suppressed rage that my fist collides with the wall. I must conquer this adeptness I have picked up at failing my mate. I shake my swollen fist wincing at the reaction the cooks will have when they spy the damage my temper has wrought on their walls.

"Poseidon help me, what do I feed a cat?" I ask to no one in particular.

"A cat is to blame for the damage on my palace wall?" A surprised feminine voice reprimands me suddenly.

I freeze, my shoulders tensing as I turn to face the only person who can still sneak up on me.

"Mother, I can explain..." I pause, hesitating because I am not sure what to say to her soft eyes.

My mother however, ignores my statement, to of course, ask her own questions.

"How on earth did you end up responsible for feeding a feline of all things down here?" My mother asks, raising an eyebrow at my healing fist before she gently pushes me aside and moves to the back of the larder room.

I watch her as she begins pulling at plates, and observing their contents before placing them back upon their inbuilt shelves, she keeps going until she finds what she is looking for.

"Well? The cost of my help, Caspian, is that you answer my questions." She pauses before me, indicating what I need is on the plate currently in her grasp.

I shrink slightly, "Sorry, Mother. The cat belongs to Catherine. I retrieved her, because Catherine has lost too much already. Been through too much, and I had to do something, since all of it was my fault. If I had not... If I did not falter..." I turn from her, as my voice begins to break.

"Oh Caspian, no." My mother is at my side, a supportive arm wrapped as far as it will reach around me. "Catherine's life before her transition is not your responsibility. You cannot shoulder the burden of a time you were not in control of."

"Yet, it was my mistakes that caused it all, Mother. Time and time again, I have let her down, and she looks at me like I am some kind of monster; maybe I am. If I had just seen the net when I was twelve...."

"Caspian, a Kelpie when claiming a mate, goes into a instinct race. They attach and the primal drive to swim for the deepest fasted current they can find takes over, it is designed to complete the transitions as swiftly as possible. There is no such thing as scanning for nets. You cannot blame yourself for something that simply is not your fault. You will not do Catherine or yourself any favours that way." My mother attempts to assuage my guilt, with a firm voice, leaving no room to argue.

But, I am her son, and I find a way to dispute her absolution all the same. "Then I should have simply taken her when I first found her a second time. That male who took her inland, Mother, the things he has done... I cannot even..." I shake my head at the memory of what the slug bragged about. "I cannot repeat it, even to you. I don't believe Catherine is even fully aware of all that he has done in his vile pursuit."

"You are also not responsible for the actions of an actual monster, which you my son are not; and Catherine will realise that when she gets to know you as well." My mother pats my cheek, settling some of my anxiety if not all.

"Thank you, Mother." I respond, accepting the plate she hands me while she smirks at my raised brow of questioning.

"Tuna. For the cat." She smiles, "Which I am Iooking forward to meeting, I had one as a little girl, it was an excellent mouser."

"Mouser?" I look at her perplexed, "I thought a mouse was a rodent?"

My mother smiles, letting out a small laugh, "Do not trouble yourself, Caspian, you have enough to worry on. Now that is the cat sorted out, what about your mate? Is she too in need of sustenance?"

I smile sheepishly at her, "You are too good, Mama."

"I am aware, my dear. Now, move out of my way and I shall prepare my new daughter a salad." My mother smirks shoving me unceremoniously out of her way as she gathers what she needs.

I watch her as she busily moves around, my remarkable mother with the biggest heart I know, and I cannot help but feel so blessed by all the gods that she is who my father chose.

"Thank you, Mother." I smile at her again, "For everything." I say, my eyes dropping to the floor at my shame.

"My son, you must stop. The fishing net that caught you at twelve was not your fault and neither was what followed it." She repeats knowing what I was referencing. "We must be grateful to the gods that you both survived it to be reunited now."

"Net?" Catherine's voice came from the door to the larder. "What net?"

"Catherine," I startle as I look upon her face embarrassed, especially at not noticing her approach, and fearing what she has heard. "How long have you been here?"

"Caspian, what net? I amconfused." She asks her face frowning as she stands clutching her pet to her chest.

"He means the fishing net that he became tangled in, when he was twelve dear, when he first claimed you." My mother offers, without restraint. "Hello Sweetheart, I am Caspian's mother, Queen Eleanor. It is lovely to see you up and about."

"Oh my! Good evening. I apologise, if I'd have known I would have..." Catherine stutters, shrinking into herself.

"Do not apologise, Princess. We are not in a formal setting here. Just family." My mother comforts her, but Catherine's pallor does not change.

"Catherine, are you quite well?" I enquire, seeing how pale she is.

"Yes, my apologies." She responds, shaking off my concern, before returning to the subject I despise most. "I am just overwhelmed and confused; because you said net, that a net caught you back when... I apologise I am presuming you mean when you first... tethered with me? Is that the right wording?" She checks and I nod encouragingly, wanting so much for her to regain the confidence she once held. "But, the fisherman who found me was in an area that no nets are used, I could not have drifted far and survived till he retrieved me. Yet, he uses creel pots, baited cages that sink down to the seabed on a rope. All the inshore fishermen of the area did. Nets are used by the bigger ships, further out to sea." Catherine explains, causing my body to stiffen in alarm, as my mother freezes in her actions to listen intently. "Caspian, if it was indeed a net that caught you, there is no way I would have survived."