Chapter 42 — Moving Forward

Leaving South Korea with the promise of returning soon, I took the next flight back to Devont City along with the recovering Aurelius. My father drove us to the airport along with my grandma to say goodbye. Mom was still not allowed to leave the country yet, seeing that they had to do more paperwork before she could return due to her misconduct. The lawyer promised to me before we left that he’ll make sure Mom won’t receive a heavy sentence. Not only that, if Aurelius weren’t graciously covering the fees—I’m convinced that he’s a saint—I would be having a bigger headache than the first one I got after Mom’s fiasco. Thankfully, he extended his hand despite me turning it down a couple of times because it was embarrassing. He did add it as one of his conditions later on.

In short, Aurelius is an angel and whatever good deed I did in the past must be so great that I deserve to be by his side. Or probably not…

“I’ll be back as soon as I can… all right?” Aurelius patted my head, my eyes never leaving his form as he disappeared into the airport. Suitcase in hand.

As soon as we arrived in Devont City, Aurelius left again for London a few days later since his family found out about what happened. And at that point, I knew that our relationship had the potential of ending there. I mean, who in their right mind would allow their son to date the daughter of the woman who stabbed him? No one, that’s for sure. If I were his mother, I would never allow him to see me again.

With a heavy heart, I waited for days. Waiting for Aurelius to just call me or even send a text message that he won’t be seeing me anymore. Even during classes, I held onto my phone in hopes that it would vibrate or even ring. I was prepared for that. Preparing my heart that has been broken to a point that falling in love again would be a dream and would merely stay that way until I die.

But he never did.

And a week passed before I knew it. It was just another regular day in school when I received a text message from the lawyer that was assigned to my mother that she would be arriving this afternoon. Given a chance to talk to her one last time since she’ll be placed in a hospital for treatment until she’s deemed well enough to be back in society. Torn between seeing her or lessen the pain by not doing so, I sighed deeply. Mind elsewhere as the professor continued with his lecture on Marine Biology and in what was supposed to be another boring Monday.

The bell rang, class ended and lunch was now being served in the cafeteria. Avoiding the crowd that seemed to get bigger and bigger every passing second that flocked around, I rushed out of the building in hopes of leaving the campus as fast as I can to eat at the nearest fast food diner outside. Yet as soon as I got out, my phone began to ring. It was the lawyer. Stopping in my tracks, I went to the sidelines and answered it.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Miss Bay. I’m sorry if I’m interrupting your lunch hour, but your mother wishes to see you before she gets admitted. She doesn’t care if you don’t talk at all, but seeing you one last time would be nice, she says.”

At the request given to me, I could only kick away the pebble underneath my shoe and softly nod. Even if we wouldn’t talk, just having one last glance at her would be fine despite having so much to say. But these words could be said at another time. “Mhm. Okay. Where?”

“At the hospital near Fern Boulevard.”

“I won’t take long, okay? I still have classes this afternoon.”

“Yes, no problem with that, Miss Bay. See you there.”

» — ✣ — «

As soon as I arrived at the hospital and where my mother was being held before her transport, my heart wouldn’t stop pounding. It even started to beat even louder when I entered the room along with a nurse who showed me the way. And there my mother sat, silent and with her head down. She was already wearing the hospital gown designated on where she is about to go. The lawyer, Mr. Hendrickson, left the room to give us some privacy. There wasn’t any need to since I wouldn’t have anything to say.

In fact, I have been quite speechless the whole time during the visit. Mom also must have thought the same thing as she just sat in complete silence. My lips have plenty to say, yet refusing to do so. I wanted to tell her everything was going to be all right. That she’s in good hands and that she’ll be out as soon as she’s well. I wanted to tell her that despite everything she has done, I would still accept her once she changes. And that Dad and Grandma would forgive her.

But I couldn’t.

Time has passed and Mom left the hospital quietly with Mr. Hendrickson without as much as a goodbye. All I did was stare as she boarded the ambulance, not glancing back to see if I was there looking. I swore I could hear myself cry within, begging for her to look back. However, it all remained inside of my consciousness, never coming out.

That Monday was as dry as the sandwich I ate just as lunchtime ended. Aurelius still hasn’t contacted me, nor did Elise tell me any news that Aiden received from the British man. Monday dragged on without a hitch after that. Yet it wasn’t able to prepare me for Friday. The day Desmond mysteriously appeared in front of my door just as I was about to leave for class that morning.

Now that Desmond has appeared, it dawned upon me that I haven’t seen him on campus for the past few days. Dressed in tattered jeans and a shirt that looked like it was worn twice without laundry, I grimaced at how he appeared to be lacking rest. The red eyes and dark circles surrounding them was a telltale giveaway.

“Hey, Alex…”

“Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be heading for work?”

Well, not on that appearance, he won’t be allowed inside.

Desmond rubbed his arm, shrugging. “Truth be told, I don’t even know why I’m here. But I figured you wanna know.”

Clicking my tongue, I gestured for him to step aside. I don’t have time for whatever crap he has to say, especially if it would result in me running late. “Well, whatever you have to say can wait. I still have classes and I wouldn’t care if you lost your job.”

“What makes you think they fired me?”

“Ha! Just look at you!” I shook my head at him, wondering where and what he has been through to look like he hasn’t eaten for days. “No professor would look like you. I wouldn’t be surprised if you got fired.”

“Karen died three days ago.” I felt my leg wobble at the information he just dropped. Desmond’s voice quivering a little as he spoke. “She had cancer. The day you threw coffee at her? She was already weakening at that time yet she continued to tell me she was fine. That she was just anemic… yeah right.”

Karen’s… dead.

“T-this is what you wanted to tell me?”

He nodded, then laughed shortly. “Yeah, but from your expression alone, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that you already knew she was sick.”

I didn’t say anything. He sighed.

“The doctor told me that it was killing her slowly each day and that she refused to have any therapy because there was no point in saving something that’s close to being claimed by death. I didn’t even know she was battling something. She never said a word about it. I feel like a fool.”

“And what? Do you regret marrying her?” Asking such a question was insensitive, but I couldn’t help but ask. And if he does answer yes, I feel like I might punch him hard. “If you knew she was dying, would you have refused to marry her?”

Desmond shook his head. “No, of course not. Regretting it would just seem like erasing her from my life, denying her existence. I don’t want that. It would be a very despicable thing to do so.”

Good.

“But… I kinda knew what I was getting into.” He mumbled, reaching for something in his pockets, and pulled out a ring. “She was the one who insisted I marry her. It was when I was still dating you. Obviously, I turned her down at first… but she was very persuasive. Saying that she wanted to feel something before she stopped feeling at all. That, of course, got my curiosity and therefore I agreed. I may not have loved her as my real wife or even as a lover, but she became someone dear to me as it went on. My pride as a man was at stake, so I had to do what needs to be done and well, here we are.”

What? Pride?

“Your pride as a man?” I almost sneered, unable to process his words in a good light. “So you mean to say that you abandoned me just so you could pretend to be a hero or something? Is that it? Oh, Desmond… and here I thought you loved her! Here I was, envious towards you two when it was practically one-sided after all! I was jealous of a one-sided relationship when I could be happy with mine! You… you imbecile. And just as I was about to accept your relationship—you are scum! The lowest scum in this fucking planet!”

Why him, Karen? Of all people to treat you right, you chose this scum of a man? What did you see in him anyway?

“She asked me, only me! I didn’t know what to do, Alex. I was overwhelmed by her request! And for once, I felt like I was needed—”

“So when you were my boyfriend, you felt utterly useless? Is that why you cheated on me?”

“Well… you’re… you! It’s not that being independent is a bad thing, but you’re the type of person who doesn’t need anyone. You’re a strong woman, you know that. You practically don’t ask me for help at all!”

“Idiot! You’re a fucking idiot, Desmond!” Furious beyond relief, I threw my shoe at him. “I needed you! I might have not said it aloud, but I did! Just having you by my side was all I wanted—and you blew it all to fucking hell because you wanted to be a hero! Some pride you got there. And now what? The person you intended to help is now dead… did anyone praise you? Tell me, did you fucking get the praise you wanted? Tell me, Desmond… are you happier to receive praises from a stranger than to receive my love?”

Silent, Desmond brushed off the dirt print from the shoe I threw at him earlier away from his shirt. He didn’t say another word as he stood there, unable to form a sentence. Teeth clenched, I slapped him hard. Tears blurring my vision as I felt my whole body seething with rage and disappointment. Disappointed but not surprised.

“Don’t tell me you came here thinking I would accept you because I won’t. Not anymore. Not in this lifetime or any lifetimes will I ever let you make a fool out of me again.”

“Alex, listen to me…”

“Alex, what’s going on here?” My eyes immediately went towards the direction of his voice. His voice that I have been longing to hear since we parted ways. There stood Aurelius who practically shined in my eyes, holding a beautiful bouquet that contrasted the ugly frown on his face as he shot daggers towards Desmond. Seeing my distraught expression, in a matter of seconds, he was by my side. Shielding me from Desmond.

“I’m sorry, Sir, but I’m going to ask you to please kindly leave.” Aurelius stoically stated, his face hidden from my view. “Alex is in no condition right now to see you ever again, especially with what you told her. You don’t have to worry, I’m going to take care of her better than you ever did so you wouldn’t have any reason to come back here.”

And just like that, Desmond left and was out of my life for good. I guess it was for the best, that he didn’t lash out like I expected him to. We were both tired. And seeing that Karen suffered so much because of us, it’s better to end it this way. As silently as we could…

Seeing that the bastard was gone, Aurelius turned to face me with a smile. “I’m sorry I’m late, I should have known something was happening when you didn’t answer my call.”

“You called?”

“Yeah, I did.” Holding up his phone, he chuckled as he showed me his call history. “Anyways… I’m back.”

“Mhm, you are.”

“I’m also sorry I wasn’t able to contact you right away. I was quite busy at home and had other business matters to attend to. And before you ask, no, my parents are not angry at you. In fact, they are very excited to see you. But of course, it would take time for them to meet your mother but I’m sure in the near future—”

“Idiot, is that what you want to tell me first?” Grabbing his surprised face, I pulled him down and kissed him. No cares in the world if my neighbors saw. Pulling away, I pouted at him. “I missed you, damn it. Are you not gonna tell me the same thing or do I have to kiss you again?”

“A kiss would be very nice,” he hummed, wrapping his arms around me. I cried as he whispered. The sound of the bouquet being squished was a bit painful to the ears, but nothing would separate me from Aurelius now. Never again. “I missed you too, love.”