Chapter 41: Scars of Surrender
Chapter 41: Scars of Surrender
AVA'S POV
Alone.
The word echoed in the emptiness where Julian's warmth and Marcus's steady weight had been. Morning light, too bright and too cheerful, streamed through the windows, taunting the devastation in me. I shifted, and a dull, aching soreness spread over my body… a painful reminder of the night before. Sheets were saturated with the scent of sex, Julian's designer cologne, and something darker… Marcus. Cedar, hot and thick. It was a mix of scent and sweat and ownership that made me feel both full and hollow. Not abandonment. Wreckage.
Every movement sparked new pain… sweet and searing. Memories crept in, unwanted and permanent. Julian's voice, rough in the dark, murmuring "Mine" against me like a firebrand. Marcus's honest confession seconds before, tinged with fear. And Caleb. Oh God, Caleb. His face while he watched… shocked as he stood there letting Julian and Marcus take me. A punishment. The look in his eyes… like something in him had broken. Snapped.
Why on earth did I go to him afterward? That was the worst of all of it. Maybe not. But the words. I'd gone looking for him in the studio after. Bare-chested, sweating bullets, sketching furiously instead of punching something. When he looked up at me, the pain in his eyes, as if I'd hurt him more than anyone had ever been able to hurt him. I'd attempted to place my hand on his arm… he hadn't pulled away, however. Just let me hug him, that bare, angry face in his eyes screaming all the things he'd never say to me. The way I sucked him… What did I want? Forgiveness? A flame to burn A fire that would scar what they'd left behind? Or something concrete to hold on to?
Used. The word tasted bitter on my lips. Yes. But also… branded. I couldn't lie anymore. Their brands weren't just on my skin… they were inside of me. Julian's raw dominance, Marcus's tormented pain, Caleb's rage and grief… they had branded themselves into the marrow of my bones. So what am I?
The soft click of the door. Julian.
He came in, unruffled and untroubled, a cup of coffee in his hand. His eyes took me in instantly… rumpled bedclothes, being curled up, exhaustion in my eyes. He put the cup down on the nightstand with a gentle clink and sat down on the bed as the bed groaned beneath him.
"Ava." He said it gently but with authority. "Look at me."
I did. Slowly.
"Last night," he said, choosing his words carefully, "I overstepped. The savagery. Subjecting Caleb to that. Brushing him off afterwards." He fell into silence, a glance almost guilty passing over his face. "It wasn't the lesson anymore. It was. something else. Something harsher. That wasn’t what I meant to do.”
I smiled, unhumorously. I wrapped the sheet around me, a filmy barrier. "Too far?" You engineered this entire thing, Julian. The choice. Just for staying back. Cutting him out. You used us… me… to hurt him. That wasn't an accident. That was a choice." And I let you. I wanted it too.
His jaw firmed. For an instant, he did actually look remorseful. And then, just as suddenly, the expression vanished… behind metal. "Fairness is something we can't afford," he said to me. "Not with what's coming. Not with the threat we face." That sent shivers down my spine. I still didn't know what threat he was constantly talking about. "But to hurt you… that wasn't part of it." He leaned in, tracing his fingers down my jaw. His fingers lingered on my heart, even as I hated myself for it.
I took a step back. "It wasn't just me you hurt." Caleb's anguished face appeared before me. "Was anything real last night? Was everything just about you?"
His hand was swift, Cupping my face in a hard but gentle grasp. His eyes on mine… seething with heat, remorse, and something explosive. "It's always true with us, Ava," he whispered, low. "Even when it hurts. Especially when it hurts."
And then he kissed me. Hard.
There was nothing soft about it. It was rough and strong and full of all the emotions he couldn't say. A mixture of need and apology, bound up together. I kissed him again, even though part of me was pleading not to. I kissed him like he was air and I was dying. Liar. Tyrant. Savior. Why is your kiss the only thing preventing me from disintegrating?
The door creaked open again.
Marcus blocked the doorway.
He took the scene all in… me in bed, Julian's kiss, oppressive silence between. His expression closed down at once. I saw it all flash across… heat, guilt, connection.
"Julian," he said, tone flat. "Secure line. Urgent. Something on the perimeter."
His eyes fought with mine for a half second… and dropped. As if he couldn't stomach it.
Julian pulled back, his thumb tracing over his lip. He never shifted his eyes from me. And then he turned and gazed at Marcus. "Study," he sneered.
And that was it. He departed. No good-bye. No glance over his shoulder.
I sat there, dazed, stinging lips, racing heart. And Marcus standing in the doorway, so stiff it hurt to look at him.
"Marcus?" My tone was little more than a whisper. I hadn't wanted it to be so much worse. But his distance hurt more than Julian's dominance ever had.
He turned to face me then. But not like the man who'd crawled over me at night. His eyes were fatigued, his face expressionless.
"Rest now, Ava," he told me. His voice was rough and abrupt. "You look…" He paused. Wouldn't call me beautiful. Wouldn't say anything. Just shook his head and departed.
The door clicked closed.
Alone. Again.
The silence was choking now. Julian's kiss still clung to my lips. Marcus's rejection stung deeper than I had expected. And Caleb's broken face haunted every corner of the room. My body ached in places that I couldn't quite put a finger on. I was exposed and laid bare within. Shattered.
I was among them. I realized that with a terror that unnerved me more than anything else. I loathed them. Needed them. Desired them. I did not know where I ended and they began.
What game are we playing now? And when would someone finally lose?
The question hung in the hot, sun-cracked room… thick with the reek of sex and humiliation… forgoing answer that I was not ready to give.