Chapter 15 Not Right Now (Lotus).
She collapsed onto the bed, her body trembling from the overload of movement. Her chest was tight, her hands cold.
Joy knelt in front of her, gently removing Lotus’s shoes like she was undressing a wound. “Alright, baby. Breathe with me. We gon’ slow this down.”
Cam sat on the edge of the armchair in the corner, flipping on the floor diffuser. Lavender filled the air. “You safe, Lo. You in your space.”
Lotus tried to mimic Joy’s breathing: in through the nose, out through the mouth. Her lungs stuttered at first, but Joy didn’t rush her. Cam reached over and grabbed one of the weighted throw blankets from the ottoman, draping it over her lap like armor.
Slowly, the buzzing in her head started to settle. The concrete walls didn’t feel like they were closing in anymore. The room was breathing with her.
Then
BANG.
The door burst open, no knock, no pause.
“YOOO, I been lookin’ for you!” Autumn charged in, phone in hand, angles already framed. “We need a ‘Welcome Home’ video here too your little space is cute or whatever, but I gotta get these angles”
Joy spun around. “Autumn. Stop. Not Right now.”
Cam stood up from the chair. “She just had a panic attack. What are you even doing?”
Autumn blinked, clearly annoyed. “Y’all always acting like I’m the villain. I just wanted a quick story.
Lotus slowly sat up, her voice cracked but clear.
“I’m not your fking content, Autumn.”
Silence.
Autumn’s face twisted. “I didn’t mean it like that”
“Look, I’m tired. Today was too much.” Lotus exhaled, her voice drained. “I can’t do this right now.”
Joy crossed her arms. “She just got back from the hospital. She needs rest. Don’t stress her out.”
Autumn huffed. “Alright, fine. But can you watch the kids tonight? I’ll bathe them and everything just need you to keep an eye on them while they sleep.”
Cam turned, irritated. “I know you not asking Lo to babysit when she just came home and you see the state she’s in.”
Lotus laughed. Low and tired.
“You really are delulu,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m not even gonna answer that. Just… please go.”
“So is that a no or a yes?” Autumn pressed, still standing there.
Lotus’s tone sharpened.
“Please leave me alone, Autumn.”
Her jaw was tight now. Her eyes went glassy like she was seconds from snapping.
Autumn muttered something under her breath as she turned away.
“Whatever. You always act like the victim.”
Click.
The door shut.
Lotus sank back into the pillows. Her whole body felt wrung out drained but somehow lighter. Like something heavy had finally been pulled off her chest.
Cam handed her a mug of hot water fresh from the kettle and chamomile tea bag. “You wanna talk?”
Lotus shook her head slowly. “No, I too tired
Joy fluffed the throw pillows behind her, adjusting them so Lotus could rest easier.
“You don’t gotta talk,” Joy said. “Just breathe.”
And for the first time in weeks
She did. Cam gave her the medicine the doctor prescribe her and Lotus doze off not shortly after that.
When Lotus woke up, it was 3 a.m. in the morning
The room was dark except for the soft blue glow of the baby monitor in the corner. She tried to move, but her body felt pinned like someone had laid a bag of bricks across her chest. She shifted, confused, and then winced when something hard jabbed into her ribs.