"We were actually very close friends, I did not tell him about Brian though, just Brianna," Astra said to Nicholas.
"Well I do want to see her. We should try and have breakfast first though," Nicholas said and stood up to go into the bathroom.
"Do you want to have your bath?" Astra asked and stood up with him. Nicholas shook his head in affirmative.
"We should have one together, save water," Astra said snd she walked naked into the bathroom. Nicholas was pretty sure they used more water than they individually would have used.
They both took the bath together and did so many other things. When they were done, they towelled each other and helped each other dress before going on to prepare breakfast together. Astra discovered how much she had missed that, how much she had missed doing things with him. She noticed how she thought about having communion with Nicholas it was therapeutic being with him.
They ate their breakfast of eggs and toast as they looked over the pictures of their children.
"This is Brian and Brianna when they were born," Astra said as she pointed to the picture of the twins.
Nicholas looked at his children. They both looked so frail and pink and heavenly. They looked like angels. He wondered if his daughter would look that way too as a child.
"This was when they were a month old," Astra said and pointed another picture. They both looked older there, a little less pink and frail. Nicholas noted that Brianna had more hair on her head, but there were almost identical apart from that.
"And here they were three months old. This was just before Brianna's death," Astra said her voice was shaky then. Nicholas knew that the death was still very much hard on her that she was still trying to heal.
"I am sorry for not being there Astra," Nicholas said.
"It is past and gone don't worry about it," Astra said and then started to show him more of the pictures.
"This is Brian at nine months. He is already such a looker here," Astra said with a smile. The rest of the pictures were of only Brian and Nicholas was hurt that his son had to grow up without his sister, that his daughter just had to die. Astra showed him pictures of Brian up until his fourth, even pictures of him when he went through chemotherapy.
"In his last scan, he was cancer free but the doctor told us that there is a possibility of it coming back again," Astra said when Nicholas asked what his health status was.
"He will be fine," Nicholas said. He was trying to convince himself too, he could not lose two children in a life time. He did not even want to know how it felt like.
"We should go to her grave. I want to see it," Nicholas said and Astra nodded. They both left her house and walked to her car. It was a long and quiet drive to the cemetery. Astra and Nicholas were quiet on the drive to the cemetery and they both came down from the car together.
Brianna Charise Michealson. She had named Brianna for his father and her sister. It brought tears to his eyes.
Nicholas dropped at her grave with tears in his eyes.
"I am so sorry Brianna. I am sorry that I did not have the chance to be a father to you, that I did not love you as i should have. That I was not able to hear you say Daddy, or see you take your first step or laugh so that I could hear. I did not have the chance to drive the boys away and you did not have the chance to be my little princess. I am sorry that your life was cut short by that monster and I am sorry that you are not here right now with Mommy and Daddy and Brian. I love you Brianna, I hope you are fine wherever you are," Nicholas said. Tears were rushing down his face.
Astra looked at the man that she loved and she felt his pain, she felt that for her child and she wept for them both.
"We are going to the zoo!" Brian shouted at breakfast when Astra told him.
"Thank you Mommy!" Brian said again and Astra smiled.
"So just eat up your breakfast, your daddy is coming to take us there," Astra told her son who looked so excited by the fact that her husband was going to take them out. Brian nodded at his mother's words.
It was their first family outing. After visiting Brianna's grave, Nicholas said that he wanted to spend as much time as possible with his family, she could not blame him at all. She just lost Brianna so she could feel a fraction of what he felt since he never met her and he missed the first four years of Brian's life. After their dinner date, they had a few more dates together. They had gone to an art museum and looked at art together. They both went around together and looked at art all the while discussing various things. It felt like they were getting to know each other again. She told him about her dreams and he told her about his. She told him that she would love to open a law firm later when she was more settled.
They went to watch a movie together and held each other's hands in the theatre. It was not something they had done before. Their marriage was so full of sex that they barely had the time to get to know each other, not really. They went home and they enjoyed each other's company again.
Nicholas went with her to her OB-GYN. He looked so fascinated and mostly lost at what they were doing, he looked at the amount of pregnant women with wonders in his eyes. The fact that she was actually pregnant with his third child and not his first was not very obvious. Astra cried when Nicholas listened to the heartbeat of their child for the first time. Her ex husband and the father of her children looked so emotional, tears came out from his eyes. For a while, when felt guilty for robbing him of the gift of being a father. For not telling him about the children. The guilt did not last for long as she would remember why she had to not tell him. The reason she had to keep quiet about her pregnancy. Nicholas would not have believed her even if she had tried to tell him. He would have thought she was cheating like the video said and she was pregnant for one of the men.
Astra chilled as she thought of the men. She felt a cold chill as she remembered Ray and how he had taken the pictures. She put her hand on her stomach and she was grateful that her daughter would never meet him that she would never have to go through anything that would bring her pain in such a manner.
In a way, Astra was grateful that they divorced then. She felt that maybe her marriage would have become stale with time. There was a possibility that they would have worked it out, but there was also one that they would not have. Astra was grateful for the second chance to start all over. To date and maybe to do more. They had been dating for a month and Astra felt like something was coming, she wondered when he would ask her to marry him. Astra was sure she would say yes, since they were already acting like a married couple and people were asking questions and all, and mostly since she wanted to marry him. That was the major reason after all.