"I decided to take the little money that I had to start over in a small town. I found out that I was pregnant a little after out, I was very depressed then and I hated my self and the baby for a while. I found a job as a secretary but quickly got laid off when they knew that I was pregnant, they did not want to have to deal with maternity leaves and the like, so I lost my job. The only thing that kept me going was my children. I had the twins in a hospital and I was alone then, it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It was one of the most difficult times of my life. I loved my children, but my money was drying up fast and I did not have any source of income. I was generally lonely then, I got depressed again. Brianna died in her crib one day, I don't just know what happened but she did not cry at night one night and in the morning she was not waking up. I rushed her to the hospital and they labelled it crib death, she was gone, one of my babies was gone just like that. I was not in the right frame of mind before then and so I just sinker farther in. I was lost. I turned to alcohol the moment I stopped breastfeeding and I was drunk the day the fire started. I remember thinking that I would kill myself if something happened to Brian because of me, I shielded him as much as a I could with my body and so he did not have any burn marks. They tried to take him away from me and it was Yvonne that helped me then. They thought that I started the fire, by mistake. It took a long while for them to realize that it was not me. I figured it was just an accident until Ray confessed to doing all of that, even poisoning my daughter. Things looked up for me after then. I was much more focused and I tried to get a decent job. My skin had numerous scars but I learned to wear them with pride. Most of my money went to treating Brian, I had been devastated to hear that he had leukemia. It seemed like the entire world was against me, but this time, I was willing to work against the world. I was ready to fight. I took care of Brian and lived together with Yvonne until you sent the divorce settlement money. I decided to do plastic surgery for my skin then, to increase my self esteem, I planned to come back to the big city and make enough money for my son's treatment. I guess it was just fate that you were my first client," Astra said. Nicholas had listened to every word that she said and he was very shocked at the way the story went. He already knew most of what happened but he had not really heard it all at once. Nicholas blamed himself for what happened to Astra and his children on some level. And then he blamed Ray for destroying them.
"I am sorry, I really am," Nicholas said snd Astra nodded.
"How have the past five years been for you?" Astra asked him instead. Nicholas was not sure how he would reply to that. The past five years had been so filled with alcohol that he barely remembered what happened throughout.
"They have been blurry, like driving on a rainy night. At first I was so deep into alcohol that I did not realize that all of my life was disintegrating. For years I just let my country be run to the ground. I would show up once in a while, but I did not care anymore. I had enough money that I was not going to be poor, but there was no drive to have more. I wanted and needed that drive. It had taken Sarah to come into my life to help me stand up. She was going through heartbreak herself and so we were like souls. It was easy for us to bond. I loved her, I really did. She was the sister that I never had and Theo was like my own child to me. She gave me the drive for revenge on Thompson. She pushed me enough that it was easy for me to create a case and start following it. When I heard that you were back in town, it was like I was breaking down again and I was starting from scratch. I wanted to prove that I did not need you, that was why I hired you. It was that simple to me," Nicholas said to her. Astra sighed. She remembered seeing Nicholas that day it was like her heart was being ripped out of her chest, to think that they were both going through different stages of emotional trauma, because of what Ray did. And they did not even know. Astra wanted to think that communication would have solved their problems, but she knew that they would have not believed each other. Their lack of trust for each other hurt them a lot.
"It was really hell for the both of us," Astra said to him.
"More for you than for me," Nicholas said with a sad look on his face.
"I would like to visit Brianna's grave. Do you have pictures of her?" Nicholas asked. Astra misted.
"We can go with Brian during the week if you are okay with it. I have some pictures of her in my house. Of both of them when they were children. Brian and Brianna looked quite alike, they both looked like you. I was a bit mad that none of them looked like me at first, but then I figured I needed the reminder," Astra said.
"We will fix a date to see the grave. It hurts me that I never got to see her. I will come up to check the pictures when you get home. I really want to be involved with everything that concerns this child. I want to be here for her to make up for Brian and Brianna," Nicholas said and Astra had to wipe off a tear. She was so touched.
She felt like things were falling in place and to think that she had thoughts that Nicholas would reject his child.
"I will inform you when I am going to my next doctor's appointment," Astra said.
"Of course. I can not believe that she is almost here. A whole human. It feels like I am going to be a father for the first time. It is all so fascinating," Nicholas said.
"I hope you will still be this enthusiastic when it is time to change diapers, and when she is crying all night," Astra said. Nicholas shrugged then, it occurred to him that he wanted the both of them to be together living in the same house by the time that their child was born. He imagined getting married to her again, they would have a big wedding unlike the one that they had previously.
"I will be ready when the time comes," Nicholas said and Astra laughed. They both are their meal and they had their dessert. They talked some more about Brian and the baby before they decided to go home.
"I should get some sleep," Astra said and they both went outside. Nicholas opened the door to the car for her again and his driver drove the both of them to her house.
"I will come with you to your place to see the pictures," Nicholas said as they got to her house. The truth was that he did not want to leave her so soon.
"Sure, let us go," Astra said and the both of them went up to the apartment.
Nicholas could feel the air thicken as they got to her apartment.
"I will get the pictures," Astra said as she went inside her room. She brought a picture book.
Nicholas collected the book from her hand and he felt the connection. He was about to open the book when Astra touched her lips to his. He saw the sparks.