Astra dug into her meal of turkey and potatoes. It melted in her mouth and she smiled as she ate it. It was very delicious. Steph had always been a very good cook unlike Astra. To complement the fact that she could cook next to nothing, Astra appreciated food a lot, especially good food.
"The meal is really nice, Steph," Astra said.
"Awwn, thank you so much," Steph replied.
"You know, you could open a culinary school, you will make it big," Astra suggested and Steph just smiled. She had been telling her friend the same thing for so long. Steph was a full time house wife and while they were in college, her dream was to open a restaurant. After she started dating Ray though, she stopped talking about it entirely. It seemed as though the dream had died.
Astra had tried to talk to her friend about it several times but to no avail. Steph's mouth was sealed about that. She said that she was more comfortable cooking for her husband than the world.
"We have something to tell you, Astra," Ray said at the end of the dinner. Astra was confused. They said the same thing at first at the beginning of the dinner and they were repeating it again. It seemed like it was a big deal.
"What is it? You guys should stop making me tensioned with those looks and all," Astra said and laughed.
Steph and Ray laughed with her which made her relaxed. It was not bad news.
"Steph and I are expecting a baby," Ray said and Astra screamed, stood up and went to hug her friend. She could barely believe it, her friend was going to be a mother.
"Congratulations Stephanie," Astra said. Both Ray and Steph were looking at her oddly as though they expected another reaction from her. To be honest, she knew where they were coming from, but there was no way she would sully her friend's happiness because of her own sadness.
"We were so scared to tell you," Stephanie said and Astra shook her head.
"Don't worry about all that. I am living in the present," Astra said. Although she felt a pang in her chest for her loss, she did not want to think about it.
"So have you guys started thinking of baby names?" Astra asked. She was actually excited.
"Well, not yet. It's still early days and we don't know yet," Stephanie said and shrugged.
"Oh my God, Ray you are going to be a father!" Astra shouted again and launched herself at her long time friend. Ray staggered a bit at her touch, and pushed her away, not too forcefully though. Astra gained her balance and started at him, he looked uncomfortable and Astra shook off the feeling of suspicion.
"Yes, I am so happy," Ray said. He didn't look happy though. Both her friend had claimed that they were worried about her reaction to the news, but they didn't seem excited about their upcoming baby either. It was weird.
"That's very nice," Astra said. She was a bit uncomfortable now.
"The dinner was very nice. I will have to get going now though, I have work tomorrow," Astra said before hugging Stephanie and stretching her hand to shake Ray.
Astra's drive home was filled with confusing thoughts. Her mind travelled back to when she was in highschool with Ray. Ray was a bit weird then with his quirky glasses and his odd way of thinking. He had become her friend because he was very good at math and she was shitty at the subject. She had known him even before then from middle school, he was very erratic then. He had calmed down a bit in high school.
Astra knew that Ray started to develop feelings for her in high school but she tried her very best to ignore them. She still thought he was weird and didn't want anything to do with him apart from the math that he taught her.
Astra wanted Sam then, the head basketball player, and she had gotten him. Ray started behaving weirdly then, he would follow her and Sam to their day and watch from afar. He was always close to her house and clinged to her so much that people started to say that she had two boyfriends.
After a while, even Sam became jealous. He knew at first that there was nothing between her and Ray but he started to believe otherwise. She suspected after a while that Ray had told Sam something.
It was not long after that she caught Sam cheating on her with Clara, the head cheerleader. When she confronted him about it, he just said that she had her own side boyfriend, why couldn't he have one?
Astra chalked it up to him being unfaithful and clearly not trusting her. She broke up with him and he became a couple with Clara.
Astra became closer to Ray after that. She did not have a choice in the matter though, he stuck to her like a leech and never let go. He choose the same college as she did.
Astra was not too bothered as she figured the college was a big place, much more bigger than the high school they both attended. Ray's course was also very much different from hers. Ray had proven her wrong though. It was as though he was reading law rather than computer science. Astra was frustrated and had back to back arguments with him. He didn't seem to see what was wrong with what he was doing. He was making it though. He was getting money from opening websites and developing programs for people even without going to class.
He bought extravagant gifts for her. Astra rejected every single one of them but he was not to be discouraged.
At a point, Astra started giving the gifts to her roommate at the time, Stephanie. Stephanie was on the high about Ray even without seeing him. She was from a poor family just like Astra, but she badly wanted to level up back then. Her family was also abusive. She didn't want to go back to her parents house after graduation. She was studying culinary, but she did not have enough resources to open her own restaurant after graduation. The next best thing to her was marriage.
Astra warned her friend about Ray's tendencies over and over again, but it didn't work out. Stephanie was hell bent on snagging the upcoming millionaire.
Ray had all but ignored her when they first met. It had taken almost throughout college, but Stephanie had accomplished her goal. As Steph kept Ray distracted, Astra began to live her life. She dated T. J and Greg during that period. The PTSD from Sam still affected her as she was unable to love anyone of them.
It was not until after college when she met Nicholas that she fell in love again. By this time, Stephanie and Ray were already living together, but they were not married yet.
Astra's relationship with Nicholas was a whirlwind. It was not very long into the relationship that he asked her to marry him. Astra agreed because it felt right. She was finally able to love again and he loved her back. It was a dream come true for her.
Surprisingly, Ray had been against the marriage. Astra told Stephanie who told her boyfriend. It was almost impossible for her to avoid Ray now that he was serious with Stephanie. Ray no longer followed her every move, but there were times even till now when she would have the feeling of someone watching her and she would turn back and no one would be there. Astra was sure that it was just the feeling of being watched before that was affecting her.
Ray was so angry about her wedding to Nicholas that he didn't attend. Astra was also angry with Ray because he didn't have the right to criticize whom she was going to marry so much. He was not a saint either. She was not in talking terms with him by the time she got married and almost throughout the two years of her marriage.
She was back to being friends with Ray after she began to have issues with Nicholas. Even before Nicholas finally kicked her out of the house, there were several issues arising. They were talks of his infidelity and of hers. She even suspected once that he had another family.
Ray was the one who helped her on her feet again after Nicholas had pushed her down. Ray didn't understand why she claimed that she wanted to be far away from Nicholas though. He even suggested moving to wherever Astra wanted to go live, but that was over the top and even Stephanie agreed.
Astra was only in steady contact with Stephanie and Ray the first year of her leaving town. She was not in contact with them over the years. When her alimony came and she still had burns on her body over that disastrous fire, she cooked up a plan.
Astra figured no one would recognize her. Even before the fire, her body has changed over time. She planned to go back to town where she got married and lived. She planned to start new and face her fears. Securing a job was the first thing she did.
At first, Astra did not have any contact with Stephanie and Ray, all in the spirit of starting afresh. But Stephanie had called her about a month since she came to town to tell her that she was finally getting married to Ray. Her excitement was infectious, and Astra knew then that she could not run away from her past forever.
Astra showed her face to Stephanie and Ray and told them about the fire. They were very sympathetic and understood why she did the surgery. She barely saw Ray after that though. At first she was trying to keep her distance, but over time, she genuinely missed him.
Their hug and his reaction made her feel like he still harboured feelings for her. Astra was not sure whether they were ill feelings or good ones. She thought they would be friends by then. At least one able to relate without issues of their past, but she thought wrong.
Astra wondered why it took them almost ten years of dating to get married, and why they didn't even seem happy about their upcoming baby. Astra hoped that her friend, had not made the wrong decision by getting married to Ray.
Astra opened the door of her car, and walked inside her apartment building. She was sure anyone would see the worry on her face as she entered into the elevator that took her to her room. While she was in her room, Astra took a long back. Stephanie's pregnancy did open some old wounds even though she tried to ignore the fact that it did.
As Astra bathed, she lathered soap on her stomach, closing her eyes as she remembered. It was just too painful. Astra could not help the tears that poured over her face as she bathed. She always liked to cry in the shower, and it the rain. The tears were washed away even before they could dry. She could even convince herself that she was not crying.
Astra let the tears flow even more as she thoughts of the fear, the pain, the betrayal she had passed through all in the name of love. Never again.