Chapter 174

Chapter 174
Diana
I was already halfway down my immaculate white halls, headed to the courtyard.
“Baby come to bed.” Said my boyfriend.
Herculian laid in bed, waiting for me to cuddle, but the earth pulsed under my feet. My goddess demanded an audience, and I must attend.
“In a moment.” I said feeling the weight of my gestation with every step, even floating, my swollen ankles had no respite…. My son was about 3 and a half years old right now, and I would feed this pregnancy with magic because I could tell that this time, it nourished this son. I could feel him feed, which in turn will help him age to a respectable 4 or 5. No fairy in their right mind has an actual baby unless they have to. It’s just too dangerous, and is more effort than starting with an older child.
With him older, he can learn magic right away.
Great Oak my ankles hurt, and nothing fit… I was in…. a maternity dress. I felt like a cow.
But it was Lia’s order that I birth a child, one that could rival what those demigod whelps birthed. I don’t see why she tasked me with it; it’s not possible… In her words ‘I was never meant to be more than a glowstick’ yet I must sparkle on her whim….
But I do… love that fool… I do want a family again.
I kind of missed having a little one to train and show the world, but I still hold no regrets for not keeping the magicless cow. Alabas-whatever his name is, would never have survived here, and he would have known a mother that does not hold this mortal feeling of love.
Ugh.
We do not do that so easily.
To love a child is to love one we know won’t die…. Because when we get attached, we lose a part of ourselves.
For fairies, love is not free.
Ours is one of attachment and passing a legacy. What can he pass as a monster? A half beast…. One born needing a barn not a diaper. To a human, or a mammal in general, I know I would sound harsh, hateful, but they do not know.
They do not understand that the son of Aeschylus would have been a jacket to spite me the moment my eyes were off him, and it would have been the right of his pure blood siblings. He is a blight to our people…. He holds no protection of a fairy, since he’s not, nor of any kind of divine blood that I know of…. There was nothing I could use to argue for his existence, so letting the spirits have pity for him was the best I could do….
Hating Jerold is the best I can do… I hate that little human the most. He took what was mine, even though I don’t want him anymore…. We weren’t compatible. Not even at all…Yet… the only man to ever make me feel a fraction of what I used to is in my bed… I do love him.
I’m allowed to.
Herculian is half god. Whatever I birth, even if this one isn’t a fairy, Lia said she would bless him, and thus he will be protected.…. 
He will also have outstanding magic. Just like with my last son, I poured so much magic into my womb my hands bled, but this time I felt him eat it….. 
There will not be a second time…
I will not shame Lia.
How she sneered at me…. When she finally got her hands on me to lay down her punishment, she threw me in an ant hill, and let my flesh be stripped for not killing my son… I would never tell them that. They don’t need, nor want to know. I am not in a place of love and safety.
Just as I have died for this world, I did die for him too, and knew the wrath of a goddess as well….
My goddess is Nature.
If you’re dangling from a cliff, and she stood in front of you, Nature isn’t here to hold your hand. If you reach out expecting it, you’ll fall to your death. You either have to be brave enough, strong enough, or lucky enough to hold onto that cliff, and pull yourself up before a panther, or some other wild animal mauls you, because they see an opportunity.
And now that I was in the courtyard, my daughters were there drawing Lia’s symbol, an oak tree in a circle.
As custom, I said nothing to them, floating in the middle.
They said nothing about my bleeding palms, while my clothes became leaves, and the blood dripped into the center of the circle.
“I Diana Navileigh Relnilli Altien House of Galginate summon my mistress in my honesty.” I said as I felt the pull of the ground make me land. My feet became entangled in great roots.
I could feel her bless me, but not my child. As she said, and does, she will when its born. She does not waste her energy on the unborn, the undone. There is no profit. They cannot breathe her name with their heartbeat, and with their lungs.
Now my girls chanted. I had 4 in total. Well, 4 who were competent, and allowed in this space. The other two are in the afterlife. They brought shame to the goddess, and in her anger, she stripped them of their powers. Once powerless, the men they thought ‘loved’ them left, and they died of heartbreak as we do. They became moss, to be eaten by deer…
Such is the life of such ‘selfish’ people.
But I could not focus on my failure as a parent… I tried to warn them how I knew how… I failed them.
I won’t fail this one.
As they danced the Dance of the Elements, I could hear the drums on the wind. The spirits were  gathered, and the local forest guardian, a white fox, leapt onto my shoulder.
My eldest, Amili’lila-anmiya made me proud. 
Her movement was fluid as water. Each danced a primal dance that kicked up the element they wished to summon at their feet. As they did, their clothes also released, becoming leaves in the wind.
Anmiya-Relli was solid as stone.
Tellianmila’s blood burned like primal fire.
Millin’rellieighya finished it with her wind.
“We give our blood, magic, sweat, tears, joys and sorrows for the world… It spins and we are greatful. We celebrate our harvests, and learn from our failures.” I said in old fairy. My girls are not old enough to know it organically, but they all learned. I taught them myself, countless nights of laboring over texts I had to make myself, since there aren’t many who are left.
Many succumbed to using absolution magic if they were capable enough, using their love as their last, possible only act of kindness, true kindness in their life. The fist of the Realm King was unrelenting, and he did not care if you were young, old, sick, or weak.
If you did not know the Key’s location, you were dust under his feet.
“And I hear.” Said The Great Wife… Queen of the Hearth, Queen of the Light.
The Earth Goddess did not feel like she used to… She was different… stronger.
I was honestly worried.
I closed my eyes, ready to be struck down, sent with this baby in my belly to the portion where she punishes… I don’t know what this feeling was… Why did I worry about the boy too?
I suppose I did love it, and that large, but well meaning man in my bed… 
“Open your eyes.” She commanded.
I hesitated, but I did as I was told.
“Why do you summon me early?” She asked, though there was no sharpness in her tone. There was no anger… She wasn’t frustrated… “I hold no anger.” Said Mother Nature.
“I ask that you bless us, our lands, and my delivery. Well, the deliveries of any fairy who is with child, as we gestate longer than many others.” I said with a bowed head.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt a head pat from her… I don’t think I ever felt comfort directly from her… One can find comfort in the serenity of the wild, the stillness in untouched land, but not her specifically…. Until right now.
“It is because until now, there was always a thorn in my heart… and jealousy.” She said firmly. “It was hard to love his mortals, nor mine when he whored so…. So many of my fae lay fat with child then. Any who thought they would be safe, or those bastards blessed by me when they were my creations thought wrong.” She hissed. “But it is over now. His eyes cannot wonder, and I enjoy my position as Queen of Half There Is.”
Why is she still talking to me?
What do I say to her?
“You don’t have to say anything Diana. I mean to change things… I… I was too harsh on you lot. My hand was heavy in anger, and lamentation…. And jealousy. I had power only in title… I was only one earth, one domain to rule, under his sun….Had I gotten out of place, or killed you all it would matter little compared to the countless thousands of worlds and trillions upon trillions of other conquests… But now I represent all planets. Without me, his mortals cannot live.”
It sounded like if he ever cheated again, she’s blowing everything up as she should.
“See, now you’re getting it…” She sighed.
Her bark became dark skin, and her vine hair became normal green hair.
“Commune with me great one.” I still hadn’t lifted my head.
“Splendid!” she beamed. “I wish to see what brunch is like.”
“We can…” I paused….. This was too unreal. I might be dead. “I make a mean mocktail.” I offered gingerly.
“Lulliba brags about her trips with her mortal bloodline, I figured I could see what all the fuss was about.” She said a little jealously.
Now I smiled. If she wanted a good time, I could give that to her.
“No you misunderstand.” She said looking down on me. She had to be the height of the Realm King. “This is why I wish to see you… I did to you what Arviel did to me…. Misuse you. Even now, your people see love as weakness, folly… That is on me…” 
Did… did The Earth Goddess Apologize?
If I’m not dead, I’m hallucinating.