Chapter 44 A flimsy reason
Chapter 44 A flimsy reason
Maya's POV
"Maya!"
I didn't stop.
The cold night air burned my lungs as I hurried down the sidewalk. My heart was pounding so hard it felt like it was trying to break through my ribs. My hoodie was too thin for this weather, but I didn't feel the cold. I didn't feel anything except the pounding in my chest and the echo of her voice in my head.
"Well. This is awkward."
She was wearing a robe in his house, at midnight.
"Maya, wait!"
His voice, behind me.
I walked faster.
"Maya, stop!"
I didn't stop. I couldn't stop.
If I stopped, I would have to think about what I'd just seen. And I wasn't ready to think about that, not yet. Maybe not ever.
Not after seeing Cynthia standing in his doorway wearing a robe.
Not after everything.
Gosh, I'm so stupid. Stupid for coming here. So stupid for standing outside his house. So stupid for caring.
My steps quickened.
Damn it. Why is he following me?
Just stay with her. Stay with Cynthia.
Stay with your complicated life and your complicated secrets and your complicated…
Then suddenly…A hand caught my wrist.
I gasped as I spun around.
"Let me go!"
"Maya…"
"Let me GO!"
I twisted, trying to pull free.
Justin didn't let go, instead, his grip tightened.
"Maya."
"Don't touch me!"
I shoved against his chest.
The man barely moved.
Infuriating man.
I shoved him again.
Nothing.
"What is wrong with you?" I snapped.
"What is wrong with me?" His eyebrows shot up. "You're the one sprinting through the neighborhood at midnight."
We were standing under a streetlight. The orange glow made his face look tired, it made the shadows under his eyes look deeper.
"Let me go."
"No."
"Justin …"
"No."
"Let me go!"
I tried to pull away, but he didn't move.
"Fight all you want," he said quietly. "I'm not letting you walk away like this.”
I tried to yank my arm away again.
"No."
His voice was firm.
My heart somehow got even angrier.
Fight all you want, I'm not letting you walk away like this.
Like what?
Like I'm crazy? Like I'm overreacting? Like I don't have the right to be upset?
I stopped fighting, not because I wanted to, but because I was too tired and too angry and because I didn't know what I was feeling anymore.
"Damn you."
His eyes narrowed slightly.
"What?"
"Damn you, Justin."
His mouth twitched.
"Damn me?"
"Or should I say Coach Chambers?"
Now he actually sighed.
"Maya."
"No. Seriously. Damn you."
"What exactly did I do?"
I stared at him.
Did he honestly not know? Was he really going to stand there and pretend to be clueless?
"What did you do?" I repeated.
"Yes."
"What did you do?" I laughed. It came out bitter and broken. "Are you seriously asking me that right now?"
"Yes."
"Are you fucking kidding me?"
"Language, Maya."
"Don't you dare caution me about anything." I yanked my wrist, but he didn't let go. "You want to know what you did? You… you…”
What did he do?
He didn't actually do anything. That's the problem.
He never made promises, never said I belonged to him, never asked me to wait for him.
So why did seeing Cynthia at his house feel like someone had punched a hole through my chest?
"Maya…"
"Please, let me go."
His jaw tightened.
"Maya."
"What?"
"What did I do?"
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out, because I didn't know.
The answer should have been easy, but it wasn't.
Because the real answer sounded suspiciously like jealousy, and I refused to think about that. So instead I said,
"You never tell me anything."
Justin blinked.
"What?"
"You keep secrets."
"Maya…"
"You do."
"I keep secrets?"
"Yes."
He rubbed a hand over his face.
"Maya, everybody has secrets."
"That's not the point."
"Then what is the point?”
“I…I…you…”
"You don't even know what you're upset about."
"Oh, I know exactly what I'm upset about."
"Do you?"
"Yes."
"Then tell me."
I opened my mouth again but nothing.
Damn it.
Why was this so hard?
Why couldn't I just say it?
Why couldn't I…
I looked down. His hand was still around my wrist. Not tight or hurting, but just there. Like he was afraid that if he let go, I'd disappear.
"This isn't about Cynthia."
My head snapped up.
"I didn't say it was."
Justin gave me a look. The kind of look adults give toddlers when they're caught with chocolate all over their face while insisting they didn't eat the cookies.
"Oh my God."
"What?"
"It's absolutely about Cynthia."
"It is not."
"It is."
"It isn't."
"Maya."
I folded my arms.
Justin stared at me and I stared back. Neither of us blinked.
Finally he sighed.
"You showed up at my house."
I froze.
Oh…right. That…Unfortunately that had happened.
His eyes narrowed.
"At midnight."
"I was walking."
"You walked across town."
"I like walking."
"Maya."
"I do."
"You ended up outside my front door."
Pure coincidence. Completely accidental.
One hundred percent unplanned.
"I got lost."
His stare became completely unimpressed.
"You're a terrible liar."
Damn it.
I looked away.
The silence stretched.
Then he asked quietly,
"Why do you care?"
I swallowed.
"What?"
"Why do you care who was inside my house?"
My pulse stumbled.
Because she was wearing a robe and she looked comfortable there. Because she looked like she belonged there. Because I hated seeing her standing where I wanted to be.
No. Nope.
Absolutely not.
I'm not admitting that, not even to myself.
"Because you're my friend."
The words came out too fast.
Justin stared at me, then one eyebrow lifted. Just one.
Somehow that was worse than both.
"Friend?"
"Yes."
"A friend."
"Yes."
His gaze didn't leave mine.
"Maya."
"What?"
"That's a flimsy reason."
My stomach dropped, because he wasn't buying it. Not for one second.
And the worst part? I wasn't buying it either.
The silence between us suddenly felt enormous.
Justin took one step closer, not enough to touch me, but just enough that my heart forgot how to function.
His voice was quiet when he spoke.
"So tell me the real reason."
I couldn't breathe, couldn't think. I couldn't look away.
The answer was there, right there. Terrifying and obvious and waiting.
Justin's eyes never left mine.
"Tell me the truth, Maya."
And for the first time, I realized the person I'd been lying to wasn't Justin.
It was me.