Chapter 118 Reconnecting with Old Life

Chapter 118 Reconnecting with Old Life
Evelyn's POV

I was at the grocery store when I heard someone call my name. I turned around and saw Jessica Martinez by the apples. We'd been friends in high school and stayed close through my first year of college before the mafia stuff happened.

"Evelyn oh my god," she said and hugged me. "I haven't seen you in forever."

"Hey Jessica."

"We should get coffee. Are you free now?"

I couldn't think of a good excuse so I nodded. "Sure."

We walked to the coffee shop across the street. Jessica ordered something with caramel and I got black coffee. We sat by the window and she started talking.

"What have you been up to?" she asked.

"Just been busy."

"Are you still in school?"

"No I dropped out."

"Why?"

"Family stuff got complicated."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Is everything okay now?"

"Yeah, it's fine."

Jessica took a sip. "I'm working at this marketing firm and my boss is terrible. She gives me impossible deadlines and then gets mad when I can't meet them."

"That sounds rough."

"And there's this guy Derek who keeps asking me out, but we work together, so that's weird. Plus, my boyfriend Tyler is being distant, and I think he's talking to his ex again."

I nodded but all I could think was how small these problems seemed. A bad boss and relationship drama used to stress me out, too, but now they feel like nothing.

"What about you?" Jessica asked. "Are you seeing anyone?"

"I'm married actually."

Her eyes got huge. "What? When?"

"A few months ago."

"Why didn't you tell me? What's his name?"

"Gyran. He works in security."

"How'd you meet?"

"Through my brother."

"You have to introduce me."

"Yeah maybe."

Jessica talked about her apartment and her roommate who never did dishes. Then, about a trip to Mexico, she was planning. Then about her mom wanting grandkids.

I sat there realizing I had nothing to say. Everything in my life was too dark to share. I couldn't talk about PTSD or the war or another possible conflict. I couldn't talk about the people I'd killed.

"Are you okay?" Jessica asked. "You're really quiet."

"Just tired."

"What do you do for work?"

"I help Gyran sometimes. Freelance stuff."

"What kind?"

"Random projects. Nothing interesting."

Jessica looked at me carefully. "You've changed a lot. You seem different."

"People change."

"You used to be so happy. Now you're all serious."

"I've been through stuff."

"Want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

We sat in silence. We didn't have anything in common anymore. She was living a normal life and I was living in a world she couldn't imagine.

"I should go," I said. "I left my groceries at the store."

"Oh right. It was good seeing you. We should do this again."

"Yeah definitely."

We hugged and I walked back to the store. The whole time I thought about how weird that was. We used to tell each other everything and now I couldn't talk to her without lying.

When I got home Gyran was making lunch. He looked up when I came in.

"How was the store?"

"I ran into an old friend. Jessica Martinez."

"How'd that go?"

"Weird. She talked about her job and boyfriend and I couldn't relate."

Gyran helped me put groceries away. "That makes sense. You're not the same person."

"I know. And I'm not sad about it. I don't want that life where the biggest problem was a bad boss. That seems so small now."

"It is small compared to what we've been through."

"Does that make me bad? That I can't care about normal things?"

"No. It makes you someone who's seen real things. Once you know what that's like everything else seems small."

I leaned against the counter. "I used to be close with her. Now I can't talk to her because my life is a secret."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I chose this when I chose you. And I'd choose it again."

Gyran kissed my forehead. "That part of your life is over. You can't go back."

"I know. And I don't want to."

That friendship was dead and keeping it alive would just be painful. Sometimes you had to let go of your old life to move forward. I was okay with that. I had Gyran and my brother, and this life that made more sense than the normal one ever did. 

Jessica would never understand what I'd been through or why I changed. She'd never understand taking a life or almost losing someone you love. She'd never understand waking up because you heard something that sounded like gunfire. I couldn't explain any of that because she lived in a different world now. A safer simpler world. The kind I lived in before everything changed.

I wasn't that person anymore. That girl who worried about grades and boys and parties was gone. She died somewhere between the first gunshot and the last body I stepped over. In her place was someone harder and colder who knew how fast everything could fall apart. 

Someone who knew safety was just an illusion. Jessica would go home and complain about dishes and stress about Derek. I would go home and talk about the Valentino family and whether we'd have to fight another war. Our lives split in different directions and there was no way to bridge that gap. 

So I wouldn't try. I wouldn't call, text, or make plans. I'd let that friendship fade as it should have long ago. Not because I didn't care but because holding on meant living a lie. And I was done lying about who I was and what my life became. Some parts of your past you could keep but others you had to let go completely.

My friendship with Jessica was something I needed to let go of. It was better that way. Cleaner, and less painful. That part of me was dead and I was okay with it.