Chapter 45 Breaking Point
Julian didn’t move. Seraphina had only pecked him on his lips and detached slowly. But the effect? Tightened his nerves till his breath broke..
For a man whose life was built on restraint, whose every move was calculated three steps ahead, the pause felt dangerous.
Seraphina shook under his intense stare. Her impulse had driven her. And now, she wanted more. She wanted him all over her more than she had ever wanted any man in her life before- and that scared her, because she knew it was wrong.
She should only be standing on business with him, but here she was.
“What?” She asked, when he wouldn’t stop looking. She etched closer to him, their body now touching.
Julian’s heart pounded faster, a part of him hardening against his will.
“You just kissed me,” he said, as if trying to make her understand the gravity of what she just did.
She stayed exactly where she was, lips still close enough that he could feel her breath, her fingers curled lightly into the fabric of his shirt as if she hadn’t yet decided whether to hold on or let go.
That was answer enough.
Julian exhaled slowly and rested his forehead against hers, eyes closed for a brief second like a man bracing himself before impact. She had no idea what was in his head.
He wanted to claim her, badly more than he had ever wanted anyone else. No, he had never really wanted anyone else.
“If we cross this line,” he said quietly, “it doesn’t get uncrossed.”
Her heart hammered, but her voice didn’t shake. “I know.”
His fantasy of Seraphina was twisted, and that was because he wasn’t an ordinary being himself. He didn’t want to scare her, hence why he was now forcing himself to make a decision that took him every ounce of fragile self control to make.
His desire for her wasn’t gentle. It never would be. And that was exactly why he was forcing himself to stop.
He slowly intertwined his finger with hers, then lowered to kiss her temple-softly. Seraphina moaned. She wanted more.
“More,” she whispered, her breath hitching. A low growl sounded from Julian’s throat. He didn’t want normal sex with her. Yet, he moved his lips to her throat, and placed another kiss there. She arched into him fiercely.
“Julian…more,” her voice was now shaky with need, and he wasn’t even touching her yet. He swallowed, closing his eyes. The thought of taking her to his dark room crossed his mind once, but he shook his head mentally out of it. She would freak out. He knew she would. Someone like Seraphina wouldn’t be able to handle BDSM- especially not from someone like him who intended to exhaust her till she could barely function.
He resisted and whispered into her ears, “Just sleep, Sera.”
She stopped arching into him and looked up at his face him. His neutral unreadable expression had returned.
Shame suddenly consumed her body. She felt unwanted- thinking he probably didn’t find her attractive and she was stupid and cheap to initiate such with him. Where was her dignity?
She didn’t let him tell her twice. She turned to the other side of the bed, away from him, basking in regret.
Just then, she felt his touch. He drew her back into his chest and wrapped around her.
“You don’t have to touch me.” She said, at the same time she felt his face in the crook of her neck. She closed her eyes to control her bodily reaction. “The dream…had made me vulnerable. I don’t…want you.” Her breath hitched when his fingers found her belly under her shirt.
“I know.” Julian simply replied. She expected more, but she couldn’t think. He was massaging her belly now, squeezing lightly and tickling her navel.
She bit her lips. She needed more, but she dared not ask again. He had his chance earlier. If he had wanted to take it, he would have.
Julian’s hands suddenly stopped wandering. He only held her close, lightly to his body. The fact that he felt at peace being like this with her felt risky too.
But even if it was for one night, he wanted to experience this softness. It isn’t everyday that he gets to live without the presence of danger.
So when Seraphina eventually fell asleep, he didn’t sleep. He just listened to the sound of her soft breaths, her soft snores, and let the feeling of holding her against him ground him.
He didn’t want to believe he was obsessed or he would be damned.
~
Morning came softly, almost deceptively so.
Seraphina woke to a bed that had already gone cold.
For a moment, she stayed still, her body half-curled toward the space beside her, expecting the weight of him. Her fingers brushed the sheet where Julian had been. Nothing.
She opened her eyes for confirmation. He was gone. Her chest tightened.
The memory of the night before crept in slowly- the way his touch had steadied her afterward. The way he had held her as if she was his to protect. The way her body had responded to him without permission, without logic, without pride.
She closed her eyes, swallowing.
She hated that she initiated closeness with him, only for him to decline it.
Yet, It unsettled her how vivid the sensations still were. How alive she had felt under his hands and his lips, even when he had barely done anything at all. It struck her then, uncomfortably clear, that she hadn’t felt that way since the last time they had slept together. Five years ago.
She had only been with another man, then Damien. Sex with them hadn’t touched her soul like only Julian’s kisses and touches did last night.
That terrified her. They didn’t even have sex. What if they had? Her soul might have gone out of her body.
This was bad. She had to find him and tell him last night was a mistake. She needed to focus on the deal between them, not the sinful attraction that would only complicate things.
Seraphina pushed herself upright, dragging in a deep breath like she could shake the thoughts loose if she tried hard enough. This wasn’t who she was. She wasn’t a woman who unraveled easily over a man’s touch.
Whatever had happened last night was a mistake- born from exhaustion, fear, and emotions she should have kept buried.
She would put the line back where it belonged.
She slipped out of bed and left for the main building, the thought of checking on her son afterwards clinging to her mind.
One of Julian’s guards stood at his usual post, posture rigid, eyes forward.
“Where’s Julian?” she asked, keeping her voice even.
The guard inclined his head slightly. “Boss left early this morning, ma’am.”
Her chest tightened, just a fraction, but she said nothing. Of course he left.
She nodded once, muttering a clipped “thank you,” then turned away before the feeling of disappointment could deepen.
Fine.
If she couldn’t confront him, she would ground herself by spending time with Phoenix. Seeing her son had a way of clearing all her worries- as if nothing else in the world mattered.
She headed toward the room he was hosted in, already softening at the idea of his sleepy smile. She pushed open the door after knocking twice.
To her surprise, the room was empty, but the bed was neatly made.
She blinked.
Then she noticed the boy standing near the window- the one Julian had assigned to watch over Phoenix. He straightened immediately when he saw her, hands clasped behind his back.
“Where’s my son?” Seraphina asked, her voice edged with worry now.
“Our boss took him out this morning,” he said carefully.
She swallowed. “Julian?” He nodded.
Her breath caught, shallow and sudden, panic blooming before she could stop it. A dozen thoughts collided in her head at once.
Why would he take Phoenix out without telling her?