♱ Chapter • 132 ♱

♱ •⋅ 1750 B.C. ⋅• ♱ •⋅ Loren ⋅• ♱

It hurt.

My whole body ached, hurt every inch, as if even my nails could be sore, yet my hand rose in the air to reach my nanny’s face, who now cried as she stood on her knees beside my bed.

"Young master..." she whimpered with her eyes completely filled with tears, tears she would shed for me.

Smile. A forced smile that I had learned to master since everything seemed to get worse. Well, at least I expected that - so it wasn’t so scary, but for Abbadon, it seemed too painful.

"It’s all right, Abbadon. No need to cry... I’m really fine" I lied.

After so long watching Dad and Abbadon worry, I had become a great liar. So good that I forgot when it started, if it was the first time, it was simply a 'not hurting, I swear' or if I gave the excuse that I got used to giving 'I was painting, not blood, just paint, see?'.

It didn’t really matter, did it?

Uncle Asmodeus had told me that lies are part of life and for now, I was still alive.

Abbadon’s hand shook mine against her own tearful face. She looked so much like a frightened little child at that moment.

"Young master... I’m sorry..." she whined again "I shouldn’t have let her convince me to use magic, I..."

Smiled again, I had to be able to keep that smile, but my face hurt too.

"I’m fine" I repeated and would keep repeating until that lie convinced her "I’m just tired, Abbadon, as soon as I get some sleep..." I sighed, a sigh that came out without my permission, but after a while, it was getting hard to breathe properly. It was almost as if my stupid lungs were forgetting how "I’ll be fine" I completed "I just need to... get some sleep."

"Sleep..." she grunted "yes..." she repeated as her hands shook mine and felt my eyes ache.

It was so hard to keep them open and keep pretending to be stabilized. It was so hard to pretend to be a good boy and a happy child.

"Yes..." she repeated again as if trying to convince herself "you’ll be fine after..." her voice failed and I heard my nanny’s low sobbing - after sleeping... the young master will improve...

"Yes..." I agreed in a whisper, a whisper so low that I wondered if she had actually heard it, but lucky for me, she let go of my hand and heard the bedroom door close.

I was all alone.

I was alone and that was a relief, because now I didn’t have to smile.

Tears fell down my cheeks.

It hurt.

It hurt and I was tired.

I was tired of being a happy child.

I was tired of smiling.

It was so exhausting...

But...

Now I was alone.

I was alone and I realized that I was also tired of being alone.

The blue silk ribbon hung on my wrist and I brought my arm close to my face as tears fell.

The blond guy would come if I did? He said yes, but... what if he was lying? Dad always said that people had a bad habit of lying and if I used to be an example, I could treat it as a great truth. But why didn’t those blue eyes look fake to me? Even though he was like a white fox, I felt that the blond guy wouldn’t lie to me, so with his mouth next to the tape, I muttered.

"I’m alone..." my voice sounded so tearful that it almost surprised me, but a clear glow came from the bristles of the tape and a soft, sonorous voice echoed in my mind.

"Do you feel alone?" he asked me almost immediately, almost as if he was waiting for me.

"Uhum" muttered "I’m alone... I’m cold, but I really hate the cold, anyway... even if I hate the cold, I’m tired too."

My words were loaded with a truth that I could not express to Father, let alone to Abbadon.

"People lie for many reasons, Loren" Dad said as he stroked my head "but the main one of them is out of selfishness."

I thought he was right for a long time, after all, I really was selfish and lied for not wanting him to cry. Because seeing Dad crying made me sad.

"It is normal to lie" Uncle Asmodeus told me once "it is as natural as breathing and each one lies for a certain reason" that caught me by surprise the day I heard "some, like your father, lie out of fear, others because they do not like how the truth may sound and finally..." he smiled, that smile that seemed sincere and loaded with sadness "there are those who lie to themselves with the hope of forgetting the truth."

I had finally understood what Uncle Asmodeus told me that time. I thought for a long time that my lies were pure selfishness, but the truth is that I learned to lie, because I wanted those sweet lies to come true. I thought that if I lied enough, if I repeated them every day, they would finally become the truth, but that’s not how life worked; lie after lie, began to weigh, to tire and all I wanted was to be able to speak the truth.

The truth that it hurt, that I was weak, was afraid.

I didn’t want them to cry, but I knew they would, so... why couldn’t they lie a little for me?

"I see." The blond man whispered in my mind, "So, do you want me to come over? Do you want me to keep you company?"

"Uhum" grunted sinking my face into the pillow and like the fairies of the old stories that Dad told me, the blond boy appeared right in front of my eyes.

"It’s all right, little prince," he told me as he slid one hand across my face.

Hot.

His hand was warm.

A tear came down my cheek as he smiled at me.

"Everything will be fine and I’ll stay here, so rest, okay?" You don’t need to be alone. You’re not alone anymore.

'Ah... that’s it' I thought when my eyes started burning and closed 'that’s all I wanted to hear'.

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