Chapter 34 Chapter 34
Emily's POV
The apartment was too quiet when we got back. It was quiet in a way that made everything feel louder. The sound of the door closing, and the soft click of my heels against the floor. I set my clutch down on the counter, my fingers were lingering on it for a second longer than necessary.
“I’m going to change,” I said.
“Okay,” Noah said, but there was something in his tone. He was quieter than usual.
I walked to my bedroom without looking back and closed the door behind me. I leaned against it for a second, just taking a deep breath, trying to steady something that didn’t want to settle. Tonight changed everything. In a way my thoughts kept circling back to him, especially how he held himself at the dinner, there was restraint. It was because of his father that he didn't let people get too close.
I changed quickly, pulling on something softer, and more comfortable. Opened the door and stepped back into the apartment. He was still there in the lounge, leaning against the counter now, jacket gone, sleeves pushed up just enough to make him look less formal.
His head lifted when I walked in. We just looked at each other. “Are you okay?” I asked it came out softer.
He studied me. “I could ask you the same thing.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re not.”
I gave a small smile. “That’s my line.”
“I know.”
“You handled tonight well,” I said.
His jaw tightened slightly. “It’s just dinner.”
“No, it’s not.” I said.
He didn’t argue, he just looked at me like he knew exactly what I meant. “That’s how he is,” he said.
“I know.”
“You don’t have to-”
“I’m not,” I interrupted. “I’m just… acknowledging it.”
He exhaled slowly. “Yeah.” I felt as if there was something building up underneath all that, “You didn’t have to defend me,” he said.
“What?”
“At dinner,” he added. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I wasn’t defending you.”
“You were.”
“I was stating facts.”
He huffed a quiet breath. “Still.”
I shrugged. “It was accurate.”
His gaze didn’t move, they remained on me.
“You didn’t leave,” I said.
“What?”
“When he pushed,” I clarified. “You didn’t shut down.”
His expression changed slightly. “That’s new?”
“Yes.”
He looked away for a second before looking at me again. “Maybe I didn’t want to.”
“Maybe you’re changing,” I said.
He stepped closer and my breath caught.
“Maybe,” he said.
The air shifted between us. He was close enough now that I could feel his warmth.
“You have been doing that a lot,” I said quietly.
“Doing what?”
“This.” I gestured vaguely between us.
“Getting too close.”
“I’m not that close.”
“You are.”
“I’m not.”
“You are.”
He took another step. And now, there was no space.
“Now I am,” he said.
My breath stuttered.
“You always notice,” I muttered.
“I’m paying attention.”
“That’s new.”
“Maybe.”
I should have stepped back. Every rational part of me knew that, but I didn’t.
“You shouldn’t do this,” I said.
“Why not?”
“Because it complicates things.”
“Things are already complicated.”
“That doesn’t mean we make it worse.”
“Or better.”
“This isn’t better.”
“It feels like it.”
“It’s not.”
He tilted his head slightly, studying me.
“You feel this too,” he said quietly.
I swallowed. “This isn’t real.”
“I didn’t say it was.”
“Then stop acting like it is.”
“I’m not acting.”
“Then what are you doing?”
He didn’t answer immediately. He lifted his hand slowly like he was giving me time to stop him or for me to step back, but I didn’t. His fingers brushed lightly against my wrist.
My body reacted before I could stop it, I took in a small breath. His gaze dropped to my hand before he looked up at me again. “Then why are you shaking?” he asked.
The words were soft, but they cut straight through everything I was trying to hold together. “I’m not-”
“You are."
His thumb shifted slightly, still barely touching me. “This isn’t real,” I said again, but my voice wasn't steady anymore.
“Then why does it feel like it is?” he asked. I couldn't answer this because everything about this moment felt wrong and right at the same time. This wasn't anything I had planned. “You’re not pulling away,” he said.
I froze, he was right about that and I didn't want to. That scared me more than anything else. “I should,” I said.
“But you’re not.”
“I will.”
“But you haven’t.”
His voice dropped slightly, more dangerously. “Emily.” The way he said my name, did something to me. Something I didn’t want to feel.
“Don’t,” I said softly.
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t make this harder.”
“I’m not the one making it hard.”
“Yes, you are.”
“You’re the one fighting it.”
“Because I have to.”
“Why?”
“Because this isn’t supposed to happen.”
“Maybe it is.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because this is temporary.”
“I know.”
“It’s part of a deal.”
“I know.”
“It’s not real.”
“I know.”
“Then stop acting like it is.”
“I’m not acting.”
“Then what are you doing?”
He stepped closer enough for me to feel his breath and everything else faded away, it was the only thing I could focus on... him.
“You’re still here,” he said quietly.
“So are you.”
“I’m not the one pretending I don’t feel this.”
“I can’t do this,” I said.
“Yes, you can.”
“No.”
“You can.”
“I won’t.”
“Why?”
“Because I-” I stopped, the words just wouldn't come.
“I don’t want to ruin this,” I said instead.
His expression shifted. “This isn’t something that gets ruined,” he said.
“It is to me.”
“Why?”
“Because I have something to lose.”
“So do I.”
“What?” I asked.
“My career,” he said. “This deal. Everything tied to it.”
“And you’re still doing this?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
He didn’t hesitate. “Because you matter more.”
The words hit like a shock, ice cold water that was poured all over me. I stepped back, breaking the moment, creating space between us, because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t stop nor think.
“I can’t,” I said again.
He didn’t move, he just watched me He wasn’t forcing anything.
“I can’t do this,” I repeated. It sounded like a warning to myself... to us.
I turned around and walked towards my bedroom, each step felt heavier than the last. I reached the door and opened it, but I paused for a second, I wanted to turn back and stay, but I didn’t. I stepped inside and closed the door, leaning against it.
I didn’t pull away because I didn’t want him. I pulled away because I did want him.