Chapter 142 Chapter 142

Chapter 142 Chapter 142
Emily's POV

Space sounded healthier in theory. In reality, it felt like standing in a room after somebody left and realizing silence had texture. Noah left last night. Not dramatically. No slammed doors. No fight. No impossible words. Just his keys. His jacket. His voice saying. "This isn't goodbye." Then the door closing. And somehow that hurt more. Because if he had argued, I would've known what to do. If he had gotten angry, I would've understood. If he had tried convincing me, I could've decided whether he was right. Instead, he trusted me. Which felt deeply inconvenient.

I slept badly. Not because I regretted asking for space. Not exactly. Because suddenly, I had what I thought I wanted. My thoughts immediately became unbearable company. By morning, the apartment felt unfamiliar. Not empty. Wrong. I made coffee, but I forgot to drink it. I opened my laptop and closed it. I read internship documents. I didn't absorb anything. I looked at my phone. There were no messages. Interesting. That one surprised me. Not because Noah ignored me. Because I realized, I expected him to fix this. And he didn't. That thought stayed with me. Not angry. Not abandoned. Just there.

I showered and changed and then I left. There was no destination. Campus eventually happened around me. Students. Classes. Movement. Normal life. I avoided everybody. Successfully. Until I didn't. Because somehow, without deciding, I ended up at the library rooftop. I hadn't been here in months. The rooftop was mostly empty. Tables. Plants. Old chairs. Open sky. The city stretched out in the distance. Late afternoon, the sun was lowering. Everything looked softer than it felt.

I sat down and pulled my knees up slightly and looked out. And did something I hadn't done properly in a while, think. Not organized thinking. Not productive thinking. Actual thinking. I replayed everything. The ex. Richard. Noah. Questions. Versions. Pressure. Then the worst part, I replayed Noah. Not defending himself. Not arguing. Not saying, you have to trust me. Instead, don't decide who I am without asking me. That sentence had stayed. Because I hated that it felt fair.

I closed my eyes. Then heard. “This is aggressively depressing.” I opened my eyes immediately. Lucas stood near the entrance. Hands in his pockets with that annoyingly expensive coat. His expression somewhere between concern and disappointment.

I stared. He stared back. “You look like a nineteenth-century novel.”

I blinked. He walked over and sat down. No invitation. Very Harris behavior. I looked at him. “How did you find me?”

He shrugged. “You disappear predictably.” I frowned. He ignored me. Then looked out over campus. “Noah's unbearable.” I blinked. Then he looked at me. “But this isn't about him.” That got me. Because suddenly, I realized everybody lately had been talking about Noah. Noah's future. Noah's growth. Noah's pressure. Noah's choices. Nobody asked me. Not really. Lucas leaned back. “He called me.”

I looked over. Lucas noticed. “He didn't ask me to talk to you. He asked if I thought he handled it wrong.” My chest tightened. I looked away. Lucas continued. “I said no. He hated that answer.”

That hurt unexpectedly. I swallowed. “Why are you here?”

Lucas thought. Then looked at me. Long enough to feel intentional. “Because I think you're asking the wrong question.” I looked at him. He looked back. “You think the problem is whether Noah changed.” His eyes stayed steady. “It’s not.”

I frowned. “What is it?”

Lucas looked out across campus in thought. Then looked back. "You still think love means disappearing.”

Everything inside me stopped. I stared. My first instinct, reject it. Lucas watched my face. Then immediately nodded. Like he expected that. He folded his hands. “You think trusting somebody means believing they won't leave. You think loving somebody means becoming vulnerable enough that if they change…” His eyes stayed on mine. “You lose.”

My chest tightened. I looked away. Because suddenly, I didn't like how accurate that sounded. Lucas noticed. “Can I ask you something?” I nodded slowly. He looked at me. “If Noah became terrible tomorrow…Would you leave?”

The answer came immediately. “Yes.” No hesitation. No confusion.

Lucas nodded. Like he had expected that too. Then looked at me. “Then stop acting powerless.”

I stared. Because suddenly, I didn't understand. He kept going. His voice stayed calm. Not cruel. Just annoyingly direct. “You're treating love like something that happens to you. Like if he changes, you're trapped. Like if somebody leaves, you disappear.” My throat tightened. He looked at me. “You don't trust yourself.” That one hit. Because suddenly, I remembered. Not Noah. Me. All my questions. Not, will he leave? But what if I don't survive it?

Lucas looked away. “My father believes people don't change. He also believes relationships are negotiations. Everything is leverage.” His expression shifted. “Do you know what he hates?”

I looked at him. Lucas smiled once without humor. “People who choose things freely.”

He looked at me. “Dad isn't afraid Noah changed. He's afraid Noah changed without him.” The words sat heavily. I stared. Because suddenly, I saw something uncomfortable. Richard wasn't protecting me. He was protecting certainty. Lucas looked at me. “You know what I think?”

I looked over. He shrugged. “I think Noah would've fought harder a year ago. Not because he loved you more. Because he trusted himself less.” That one hurt. Because suddenly, I realized. Noah letting me think wasn't distance. It was trust.

Lucas looked at me. “Do you know what's interesting?”

I blinked. He shrugged. “You asked for space. He gave it. He didn't punish you. He didn't convince you.” His eyes stayed on mine. “And somehow you interpreted that as instability.”

My throat tightened. I looked away. The sunset stretched across the city. Lucas stood up and adjusted his coat. Then looked at me. “Trust isn't believing somebody never hurts you.” His expression softened. “It's believing you'll still be okay if they do.” He looked at me. “And for what it's worth…He's annoying now.”

I blinked. Lucas nodded. “Much happier. “Deeply inconvenient.”

I laughed unexpectedly. Lucas looked mildly offended. Good. Then started walking. After a few steps, he stopped and looked back. “Call him. Or don't.” He shrugged. “But make your own decision.” And then he left.

I sat there while the sun was lowering. Campus was glowing. My heart was doing inconvenient things. Because suddenly, I realized. I wasn't afraid Noah changed. I was afraid change meant I couldn't protect myself. But I could. I always could. And maybe, that was the point. Not that people stay. Not that they never become different. Not that love guarantees safety. Just that I would still be me either way. And for the first time in two days, I took out my phone. Opened Noah's contact. And looked at his name. Not because I needed him to prove anything. Because I finally remembered, I wasn't powerless in this story either.