Chapter 92 No direction
Chapter 92 No direction
I spent exactly fourteen more minutes pretending I wasn’t worried.
Not thirteen.
Not fifteen.
Fourteen because that felt like the perfect amount of time before officially entering concerned girlfriend territory.
I sat on Charlotte’s couch pretending to watch Ethan argue with a random guy about whether cereal counted as soup.
“It literally has liquid,” Ethan argued.
“By that logic tea is soup.”
“Tea IS soup.”
I stared at them.
Harvard.
This boy got into Harvard.
Across from me, Maya had somehow adopted Charlotte’s giant decorative pillow and was interrogating Jay about filmmaking.
Charlotte herself looked happier than I had seen her in months. There was something weirdly comforting about seeing her in her own space, walking around like she owned adulthood already.
Everybody looked fine.
Everybody except Klaus.
Because after disappearing for “different drinks,” he had somehow disappeared entirely.
Suspicious.
Very suspicious.
I looked around the room again.
No leather jacket.
No dark hair.
No boyfriend.
Great.
Now I had to do girlfriend responsibilities.
Disgusting.
I quietly slipped off the couch, squeezing through clusters of dancing people and almost getting hit in the face by somebody aggressively dancing to music from 2016.
Charlotte’s apartment balcony door was slightly open.
Cold air rushed in.
Found him.
Klaus leaned against the railing overlooking the city below.
Los Angeles at night looked unfair.
Buildings stretched endlessly.
Lights glowed everywhere.
Cars looked like tiny moving stars.
Meanwhile my boyfriend stood there looking like he belonged in one of those heartbreak edits people make on TikTok with sad music.
“You disappeared,” I said walking beside him.
He looked sideways.
“You found me.”
“Congratulations.”
A tiny smile.
Not enough smile.
I leaned against the railing too.
The cool metal pressed against my arms.
For a while neither of us spoke.
Usually silence with Klaus felt easy.
This silence felt crowded.
“You hate Jay,” I finally said.
He laughed quietly.
“I don’t hate him.”
“You looked two seconds away from fighting him.”
“I considered it.”
I snorted.
“There he is.”
He looked down at the city again.
“I know how stupid I’m acting.”
“Then stop acting stupid.”
“Tessa.”
His tone changed.
Not jealous.
Not playful.
Just tired.
I turned toward him properly.
“What is it?”
He rubbed his hands over his face slowly.
“I think everybody’s moving.”
I blinked.
“Yeah?”
“No.” He shook his head. “Everybody’s moving forward.”
Oh.
That.
“You got into MSA.”
He pointed at me.
“Maya got Yale.”
He pointed toward the apartment.
“Ethan somehow got Harvard despite surviving exclusively on stupidity.”
Fair.
“Charlotte moved cities and already has this whole adult thing figured out.”
He paused.
“And me?”
I stayed quiet.
Because sometimes people needed space to finish falling apart.
“I keep saying I’m figuring things out,” he continued quietly, “but I don’t even know what that means anymore.”
The city suddenly felt quieter.
“I’m taking a year off and everyone keeps acting like it’s confidence but honestly?” He laughed bitterly. “Sometimes I feel like everybody is running a marathon and I forgot my legs.”
“That sounds medically concerning.”
He ignored me.
“I don’t know what I want, Tess.”
There it was.
Not jealousy.
Fear.
Fear looked strange on Klaus.
He was usually confidence and sarcasm wrapped in pretty eyes.
Now he just looked lost.
“I thought this was about Jay.”
He looked at me.
“It’s partly about Jay.”
I knew it.
“You’re jealous.”
“Yes.”
I smiled.
Small victory.
He continued.
“He knows things about you I don’t.”
I frowned.
“He knows panic attack me.”
“You kept the stress ball.”
“Because it helped.”
“You laughed a lot tonight.”
Oh.
So we were unpacking everything.
“Klaus.”
He sighed.
“I know it sounds stupid.”
“It sounds human.”
He looked at me.
I continued.
“You know what I think?”
“What?”
“I think you’re dramatic.”
His jaw dropped.
“I’m having a crisis.”
“And you’re still dramatic.”
He rolled his eyes.
Good.
Progress.
I grabbed both his hands.
Cold.
Very cold.
“You don’t need your whole life figured out right now.”
“You already do.”
I almost laughed.
“I literally had a panic attack before auditions.”
“You still got in.”
“I cried over PDFs.”
“You still got in.”
I exhaled.
“Getting into MSA didn’t magically remove fear.”
His shoulders relaxed slightly.
“You really think I’m not behind?”
I stared at him carefully.
Then answered honestly.
“I think you’re scared everyone’s leaving.”
His expression changed.
Bullseye.
Because that was it.
Not college.
Not Jay.
Not distance.
Being left behind.
“I’m terrified,” he admitted quietly.
The honesty hurt more than I expected.
So I moved closer.
“You know what’s funny?”
“What?”
“You think I’m brave because I got into MSA.”
He nodded.
“I almost booked a flight home before auditions.”
He blinked.
“I almost quit.”
His eyebrows lifted.
“I almost quit like fourteen times.”
He laughed softly.
“Only fourteen?”
“Okay twenty.”
The cold wind pushed my hair into my face.
He moved it away gently.
“I don’t want to lose you while figuring myself out,” he admitted.
“You’re not losing me.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Then we’ll figure things out while confused.”
He stared at me for a few seconds.
Then smiled properly.
Finally.
“I love you,” he said quietly.
“I know.”
He raised an eyebrow.
I grinned.
“I love you too.”
He rested his forehead against mine.
The balcony door suddenly flew open.
“OH THANK GOD,” Maya shouted dramatically.
We jumped apart.
She pointed toward the apartment.
“People are taking relationship advice from Ethan.”
We froze.
“That sounds dangerous,” Klaus said.
“EXTREMELY,” Maya answered.
We immediately followed her inside.
Because some disasters required urgent intervention.