Chapter 160

Chapter 160
Willow
The three of them looked as if they were ready to start figuring out who would and wouldn’t survive, and I could almost imagine dramatic violin music playing.
“Alright. this is getting a little ridiculous…..” he mumbled. Uh” Calaxious said to get their attention. They turned to look at him. “My sons….I’m the realm eater.” He extended his claws…. You’d think that would convince them, but instead they laughed.
“Thanks for changing the mood dad.” Laughed the Horned One. “I did need that joke.”
“I don’t think he’s-” Bryson was cut off.
“Yeah right. As if a Realm Eater would waist his time with a mortal shape.” Said Humblon.
“Come on father, stop being difficult.” Said Arviel. 
He touched his arm to grab him and he instantly became pale with genuine fear. “Your highness…I…. I’ll just see myself out….if permitted of course…”
“Nah, if I let you leave son you really will never visit. I didn’t know how else to tell you.” He smiled gently. He put them kind of under his armpits, trying not to laugh at them. “Do you remember when I built the house, or learned to change diapers?” They looked at each other, realizing how wrong they were. “Would the Realm Eater deal with being pissed on by you lot, letting you giggle and have your way? Learning how to buy formula, and make milk… then food that tastes aright enough for you to have grown into the gods you are now?”
The three of them slowly stopped their plans to save the realms, because there was never a threat… All they had to do was stop a moment, but it took Arviel being humbled to see it.
“I remember father.” Said Arviel. “One day Humblon was just… attached to me by a blue thread you cut.”
I think Kaizen said something about remembering details like that. But it also seemed to be common. Such a ridiculous claim was accepted, because all of them seemed to have a similar reaction.
“…. What has offended his majesty enough to reveal himself?” Asked father…. Seeing them bow their heads… I didn’t like it
“Tribute was withheld, though I offered but a spoonful of mercy.” He said as a King. “You lot don’t have to worry of me….”
“The offer still stands.” Said the Horned One. “If you feel owed… this world is your larder.”
“The only tribute I’d ever want from my children is for you to call more.” He chuckled. “Oh it feels good to be out of that puppet…” He stretched. I could hear his back crack. “Since I have all of you here, stick around and have dinner. I’m making chili.”
“You had me a moment.” Laughed The Lord of Light.
“I still can’t believe the three of you were so damn stubborn. Here, taste this.” He got a spoon and ladled some chili in a bowl. He passed it to Arviel.
“It’s good.” He beamed.
“It isn’t spicy enough.” Complained Humblon.
“Too bad. You’re out voted.” Said the Horned One. “Mortals are present. I’d like for them to go home unencumbered by your masochistic habits.”
“Can’t argue with that.” Said Calaxious. “Say, boys, mind helping me pass out the chili?”
“Yeah!” Beamed my boys, and they scampered to help him.
“You know… this is completely ridiculous, but I’ll take it.” Said Samira.
“I think I’ll come to teatime with you guys next time.” I said in agreement.
“This was why I could not see past Lunarween.” Said the Lord of time. “I have been in that shell… eternally tormenting myself… I starve because I am too big, yet, I am unable to die, nor lose my condition. I am Time Given Flesh…. The Dragon Who Unmakes…. But I am also Chroviel, Lord of Time… I am also the frail mortal wondering around as a specter in the shadows, tending to the movement of the Sands of Time, with Naztakar as a record keeper and museum curator…. But I must ask if you lot wish for me to stick around.”
“That’s out the question.” Said the Horned One. “Who else do I get to off when this place isn’t stable?” He said that like a joke.
“Oh ha ha, I still want my skull back from last time you beheaded me, you little shit.” Calaxious said pouring chili for Xaxas and Harmony now. Lustros brought it.
“It makes a wonderful goblet.” Zuviel grinned wide, showing his fangs.
“…Keep it then. Now that I am free, I won’t be dying anytime soon.” Said Calaxious. 
“I want to know why you think we would dismiss our king?” Asked Zuviel. “Do you not see that by your absence, we nearly ripped the cosmos apart to have a proper audience?”
“I merely expected… resistance… hatred…. Fear.” He said firmly. “I am a Realm Eater.”
“And I’m Waste Management.” Said the Horned One proudly.
“And I’m the Trash Processing and Recycling Plant.” Said Humblon.
“And I’m Soul Production and Life Support.” Said Arviel. “I suppose father is HR and the Termination Department.”
He stood there a moment, now that everyone had chili but himself.
“I suppose you’re right…. Well today is everyone’s day off if they want. I can handle your jobs.” Calaxious said pouring himself some.
“Why do such a grand gesture?” Asked the Horned One.
“Because why not? It isn’t like I wasn’t doing that when you lot were little bitty babies.” Calaxious chuckled. “Anyone want to see baby photos?”
They looked mortified.
“You don’t have to do that.” Said Arviel.
“It’s a better tale to tell at the table than my fall! Look Lia.” Calaxious summoned a photobook with magic, and passed a single incriminating photo of Arviel to the Earth Goddess….
She laughed.
“IT ISN’T THAT BAD!” he shouted.
“Husband! You had a mullet!” 
“It was Tasteful!” he complained.
“Here, Lulliba, look at your precious Zuzu.” Giggled the Lord of Time.
“AH! Your Horns Are Little Knubs!” She beamed. “You’re so cute and frowny, Awe.” She giggled.
“Butterfly… not you too….” The Horned One said completely deflated.
“I dare not gander even a glimpse.” Said Asanguis chuckling, holding his daughters while Nixxia had their son. “What is seen cannot be unseen.”
“Fuck that, I want to see Mullet Man.” Said Xaxas, holding a son and a daughter, while Harmony had their youngest. “HA! The Sun Has a Mullet And Aviators! Was that your country, ‘down to earth’ persona?!”
“Shut Up!” He shouted, which made Lia cackle harder.
It was spun around for all to see, and there were muffled snickers.
The same was done with the Horned One and Humblon’s photos…. I must say…. They were funny.
Humblon as a teen had acne, and braces… Arviel had a mullet, looking like he was from Alabamah… and the Horned One was only darkness in the photo to look I guess intimidating? But… he wasn’t as cool as he thought he was… He wasn’t muscular or radiating dark energy.
He looked like a skinny pre-teen shadow…. That thought he was strong.
“You did me dirty.” Said the Horned One.
“As a consolation, when I have teatime with the witches, I’ll broadcast my fuck ups.”
“…. I still want to roast you for this father.” Grumbled Arviel.
“I’m taking your head again, and making it a fucking bowl to match my cup!” yelled Zuviel.
Calaxious laughed.
“Worth It.” He beamed. “Ziri, pull up their first steps!”
“No!” the three yelled.