Chapter 45 A Boy Of The Still City

Chapter 45 A Boy Of The Still City
🍯 SERAPHINA 🍯

My finger on the blade trembled despite how hard I tried to steady it. But it seemed to be working with my heart beat, it knew that my heart was hesitant to do it but my soul was willing. I wished Liora would help,but she doesn't seem to have the intention of helping with that. I felt like she wanted me to deal with my decision on my own.

She stood by watching, she was just watching me with a gentle expression.

“This is it,” I whispered to myself, a form of reassuring myself that I was on the right path. If I do this now, I stepped into this City with a different identity it probably could mean I'd be living with a totally different identity.

My hand closed around the blade, again. But It was colder than I expected. Heavier, too—as though it carried the weight of every consequence that would follow. That's what my life has been revolving about lately. I get the consequences of every of my actions.

I lifted it to the ends of my hair.

My hair…This same hair my mother used to braid.
The same hair that flowed freely during rituals.
The same hair I never imagined cutting, not even in the darkest moments of my life.

But that had only been my thoughts. When the dark days of my life came…are these the dark days I've thought I'd face head on with a straight face? Here it was pushing me to my edge.

My emotions are unstable, it was all just coming down on me.

My throat tightened.

But my kingdom needed me.
This city—this strange, ancient place—held the key to the ritual that could save us all.
And Elias…

And now, I am only more anticipated to know how related I was to this City. It knew me when I didn't have any recollection.

I clenched my jaw.

And the ungrateful, stubborn, sharp-tongued Elias who cut me apart earlier with his words as easily as I was about to cut my own hair.

Yet even now, my chest still hurts at the thought of him being thrown into an unfamiliar world without someone by his side. Without someone who at least understood the danger that was creeping toward both of us. Without someone who knew him down to the depth.

I knew he was just angry and helpless earlier and that was why he spoke harshly. But my emotions had gotten the better of me. I just let out my anger on him and broke down.

This isn’t for him though, I reminded myself.
This is for the kingdom.

I brought the blade down.

The first strand fell.

Then, a shiver ran down my spine as the light weight dropped to the floor and fell into my line of sight. Liora exhaled — not in surprise, but in approval, like she’d been waiting for that moment.

I continued, cutting again and again, each slice soft. The pile of hair grew, and with it, a strange lightness spread over my head… and my heart. When the last uneven piece was gone, Liora stepped forward without asking permission and gently adjusted a few strands with her own small knife.

I could feel air dipping into my head without my permission. Was that how lightweighted men feel? Because I could even feel my head on my neck.

“There,” she whispered. “You look the part.”

I looked down at the scattered pieces of what used to be me. Then I turned away from them. I stared at the object reflecting myself and I knew I had managed halfway through.

“What next?” my voice came out steadier than I expected.

Liora moved toward the bed and lifted the plain shirt and trousers she had set aside. “You change into these. Then we’ll bind your waist, tuck in your shape, and make sure no one notices what shouldn’t be noticed.”

I'm left with dressing up, which I believe would be the hardest part. I have to bind my chest, my waist, my hips to shape out any unusual curve.

I nodded and began to strip out of my clothes. Liora didn’t stare—she didn’t even linger—she simply helped when needed, adjusting the layers with a practiced familiarity that made me wonder how many women had done this before. How many had disguised themselves to follow, protect, or fight beside the people they cared for.

I could probably be the first. I began sighing heavily in my mind.

My chest is bound.

My curves are hidden.

My appearance shifted into something sharper, rougher, more angular. Like those of men, I had added a little weight with all the heavy bounding and it made it uncomfortable to move, but what needs to be done needs to be done.

I didn't come this far just to give up. My kingdom is wavering under Elias's curse. Elias needed me and I needed him more because I was more desperate to save mine.

By the time I stepped foot into the boots, my heart was racing.

Liora clasped my shoulders gently. “When you walk, keep your distance. Don’t sway your hips. Don’t look downward—men here rarely do. And no matter what happens… don’t let anyone touch your hair.”

I swallowed. “Will they know immediately?”

She smiled. “Not if you believe your lie.”

I looked toward the door.

Elias was somewhere out there. Probably pacing. Probably angry. Probably muttering curses about Fae in general and me in particular.

He will think I abandoned him. I've been with him long enough to know how he perceives me and how small minded he is. He wants to keep being King,but those characters could only be portrayed when he is with his people and not me. He was like a white plain sheet I can see through anytime.

This wasn't the first time I got hurt by him. And if I should abandon him, this would make it my first time letting him be on his own. It would be a delight if I could let him stew in it….in the misery.

Liora’s voice pulled me back. “Seraphina… one more thing.”

I turned.

She took my hands and squeezed them gently. “Your heart is loud. Do not let it make your decisions for you.”

A flush heated my cheeks, and I looked away. Was that a compliment because why did my heart just raced up and my cheek burning red.

“Go,” she urged softly. “Before the streets grow busy.”

I nodded once and reached for my newly disguised self’s bag—the one Liora prepared while I cut my hair. My fingers brushed the lamp for a second. It glowed faintly beneath the cloth, as if aware of the choice I’d made.

“Stay quiet,” I murmured to it.

Then I straightened, took a breath, and stepped toward the door.

I wasn’t Seraphina, princess of my kingdom.
Not today.

Today, I was a boy of the Still City.
A stranger among the men.
A shadow moving closer to Elias. To be his guide.

And I prayed—to whoever still listened—that my disguise would be enough.

Because I was coming for him and it would take a whole lot more to take cover amongst the men.