I have been used. I have been used.
The thought wouldn’t leave me, circling around in my head as I made my way back to my desk.
My steps were robotic, almost like I wasn’t in control of my body. What just happened?
The way she draped herself over him, her eyes practically screaming, "He’s mine." And the worst part? He didn’t push her away.
I shouldn’t care. I shouldn’t be thinking like this. But I was. Damn it, I was.
What the hell was that? An announcement? Were they... engaged? The way Monica hinted at it, her smug little smile when she mentioned their "future"... it had to mean something. They were getting married, weren’t they?
What the fuck was I thinking? Letting a guy, no, that guy, have his way with me like that. I felt sick all over again, like the tequila was still burning its way through me.
I could feel the bile rising in my throat as the memory of last night played over and over again in my head. I let Caleb... I let him... and now, this?
I wasn’t thinking. I was drunk, reckless. But still. I let it happen. I didn’t stop him. I could’ve stopped him.
Fuck!
I slumped down into my chair, heart racing, mind spinning. This was too much, too fast. Why did I drink so much? Why didn’t I just... walk away?
I buried my face in my hands, trying to block it all out, but the images wouldn’t leave.
Caleb. Monica. The way they looked at each other. It was like a punch to the gut.
I shouldn’t care. I really shouldn’t care. But I did. God, why did I care?
Just as I pulled myself together, I caught something out of the corner of my eye. Nelly.
She was sitting at her desk, but... something was off. She was staring down at her phone, hands fidgeting, and then.. just like before.. she hid it. Way too quickly. Like she didn’t want anyone to see.
This was the second time.
I couldn’t ignore it anymore. My gut twisted. Something wasn’t right with her.
“Nelly?” I asked, forcing my voice to be casual, though my suspicion was rising.
She jerked her head up, startled, her face flushed. “Y-yeah?”
“Everything okay?”
Her head snapped up, eyes wide for a second before she forced a smile. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just a bit distracted."
Distracted? Really? She was hiding something, that much was clear. The nervous way she avoided eye contact was practically screaming it. But what was she hiding?
"You sure?" I pressed, watching her closely. "You’ve seemed… off lately."
She waved a hand, brushing it off like it was nothing. "Oh, it’s just the workload. You know how it is." Then, quickly, she changed the subject, as if she was afraid I’d pry any deeper. "How’s the contract prep going?”
I paused, her question dragging me back to the reality of my own situation. The contract. The one thing I should be focusing on right now, instead of obsessing over last night. Or Caleb. Or Monica.
"It’s going," I replied, keeping my tone light, trying not to let my thoughts slip through. “Final stages.”
Nelly nodded, smiling again, but it was strained. “You’re really talented, Sam. They’re lucky to have you.”
“Thanks.” I forced a smile in return, trying to play along, but my mind was elsewhere. What was she hiding? Why did she act so nervous? This wasn’t the first time I’d noticed something weird with her.
“Seriously though,” Nelly continued, glancing at me from the corner of her eye, “So.. what’s your plan after this contract wraps up? You’re going to have a pretty sweet payout. You ever think about... moving on?”
I blinked at her, confused. “Moving on?”
She nodded, a little too eagerly. “Yeah, like... once this is done, you’ll have enough to set yourself up somewhere nice. Maybe even... leave RINDERS?”
Leave?
The thought hit me like a slap to the face. I hadn’t really... thought about that. Not fully.
But maybe... maybe she was right. With the money from this contract, I could move on, go somewhere else.. maybe even return to New York, maybe. My heart ached at the thought of going back.
Could I really... start over?
“I... haven’t really thought about it,” I lied, though the idea was starting to plant itself in my brain.
If I wanted, I could leave. I could walk away from this company, from Caleb, from everything. Start fresh.
But did I want that?
Before I could answer, my phone buzzed. I glanced down, and my heart stopped. A message. From Caleb.
*Let’s meet after work. We need to talk.*
My heart skipped a beat, and I immediately felt the heat rising in my face. Shit. I couldn’t let Nelly see me like this.
“Everything okay?” she asked, tilting her head, trying to peek at my phone.
I quickly shoved it back into my pocket, forcing a tight smile. “Yeah, all good. Just... a text.”
Nelly stared at me for a second longer, her gaze lingering. Did she notice? Did she see me blush?
I turned away, staring at my computer screen, pretending to focus on something else, but my mind was a wreck.
We need to talk?
Why did those words send a chill down my spine? What did Caleb want to talk about? Last night? God, it had to be about last night. He probably regretted it. Just like I did. He probably wanted to make sure it never happened again.
Or worse, maybe he wanted to confess... something. Something about him and Monica.
I squeezed my eyes shut, the thoughts swirling around too fast for me to handle. I couldn’t deal with this right now. Not here. Not in front of Nelly.
I exhaled slowly, willing myself to stay calm.