Love is about sacrifice

Love is about sacrifice

Raven's POV

Behind the pack house is silent. Only the frequent telltale noise of crickets interrupts the peace. But that in itself is a more welcome presence than the loud thoughts in my head.
I take in a deep breath but even that fails to calm my racing heart.

If I listen close enough I can hear the little chatter within the house. Normally I would stay in that cheerful atmosphere, hoping the worry plaguing my heart will ebb away.

But this is different… This isn't like other times.
I feel like after spending an hour in the bathtub, I still haven't gotten all his blood off my hands.
My chest aches as if it's slowly being pulled apart.
Pa raised me, fed me. There were nights where he protected me in his own twisted way. Yet… he is the reason I never had the life I deserved. He's the reason those dangers I faced ever came our way.

He's the reason I still flinch at the sound of a gunshot. The reason I never could build a relationship with my biological parents.

“Raven,”
I hurriedly wipe off my tears, trying to act normal before turning around.

Alpha Kaelen approaches calmly. His steps are steady as though giving me enough time to prepare myself.

“You should be with the others,” I say, my voice sounding just as sad as I feel.

“I should,” he agrees softly, standing beside me, before leaning on the railings and staring ahead. “...but I wanted to find you... alone.”

And then he holds my gaze. Something in his eyes makes me swallow the log in my throat.
It's almost like he can clearly read my emotions and he's trying to tell me to cut the act.

“Do you need anything?” I ask, hoping I'm wrong.

“No.” He shakes his head, smiling at the large space ahead.

I copy his posture but my cheeks feel too dead to lift in a smile. Still just his presence brings a familiar warmth.
Isn't it funny?
Neither Pa, nor my biological father have ever been true fathers to me. The only man who's truly loved me like a father is the person beside me.
The man who quickly notices my absence in a room. The one who saved me and my pup, showed us what it truly meant to love a stranger.
I lean closer to him, breathing a little easier.

“I want to tell you something.” Alpha Kaelen looks at me, his eyes bright.

I nod, holding his gaze.

“Because you need to hear it.” He adds and I stand straighter. “And maybe because I need to say it.” he mutters to himself.

“What is it?” I ask softly, desperate for a distraction.

With a soft sigh, he looks up at the stars, then back at me. “Knightgale never accepted my mate.” He says and I brush my hair behind my ear, preventing the wind from sending it across my face a second time.
“She was my whole world. It felt easier to breathe around her. I could laugh without restraint. I wanted eternity with her. But she was a rogue.” he says.

My eyes go wide. “You've never said that.” I state, watching him shake his head.
“No, I don't think anyone knows really. She disliked being called that so I promised myself never to address her by it… not to remind her of her past.”

“You really loved her.” I murmur, almost tempted to smile when his lips tilt upwards, his eyes shining with emotion.
“That's why I left my pack. I chose her above them… above my family.” He says, his gaze shifting into something more sober.

“They thought she was a blemish to the pack. They thought she would ruin me. I tried to fight and keep her within the pack but they whispered and mocked until I started doubting myself. So one day, instead of losing her, I left them. All of them. For her.”

I bite my lip, my eyes burning.

“And I never regretted it. Not once, Ray. Not even when she died because I was able to love her to the fullest.” He sighs.

I sniff, wiping off a tear.

His hands drop on my shoulders as he gently turns me back to him. “Because love is about sacrifice, Ray. Sometimes it hurts like hell. Sometimes it costs you everything. But in the end, you must choose. Denying he meant a lot to you will only make it harder to let go.”

“But admitting it fills me with so much guilt. Admitting he once meant a lot to me makes me want to spare him. It makes me want to see the good in a man who almost took my life. Who will still kill me if given the chance.” I choke out.

“And denying his previous importance will only add to the ache because you'll never truly heal. Admit it now. He once was your father. But also recognize the fact that the man you called father isn't who is locked up in that cell.”

I sob, falling into his embrace.

Alpha Kaelen kisses my hair before continuing. “You did nothing wrong when you attacked the person who caused you so much pain. It wasn't your father you attacked in there. So please let go of that guilt. And when he's finally judged, don't you dare blame yourself for not saving a man who would have hurt your family.”

I clutch his coat as my body shakes with tears.

“It isn’t easy.” He whispers, rubbing my back. “It tore me apart. Some days I still wish things could have been easier. But I would rather keep the one I love safe than risk them getting hurt.”

“I feel so bad,” I whisper against his chest. “Whether I like it or not, Pa took care of me all my life. He wasn’t kind, he wasn’t gentle, but he was there. And now… I’m supposed to turn my back on him. Hating him, even when I know all the evil he's done just… it feels selfish.”

Alpha Kaelen lowers his chin to my hair, his voice calm but firm. “It’s either you lose him, or you let him go, and risk losing your true family.”

I close my eyes, already knowing the truth. I knew it the moment I saw how unremorseful Pa was.

“I’d rather lose the old bastard,” I say with bitterness, welcoming the ache in my chest… because it's okay to feel.

At first I flinch… but then my body relaxes as strong arms circle me from behind, gently pulling me away from Alpha Kaelen’s chest.
Saviour's scent warms me up immediately.

“She’s yours now.” Alpha Kaelen nods at Saviour.

“Thank you,” he murmurs, his breath warming up my ear as his arms tighten around me.

“How long have you been here?” I whisper, my voice a bit rough.
“Maybe I called Alpha Kaelen, who knows?” He kisses my cheek, pulling a smile from me, a smile that quickly turns into a sob. But Saviour is quick to pull my face against his chest, allowing me cry it all out.