202. VOICE

202. VOICE
SELINE
By the time he returned, I had gotten sick. I can’t stop throwing up. I can’t sit straight. I can’t sleep. I can’t stand. I can’t even drink water.
If Kade watches me like that, he would think he was the reason for everything. Pregnancy would do that to you. But tell that to my husband.
In two long strides, he reached me. “Are you alright?”
I shook my head.
Beads of sweat formed on my forehead, my face, my neck, my entire fucking body.
“What happened?” He asked, his voice laced with concern and something deep—anger maybe.
“Just pregnancy.” I managed to whisper.
“I should have been more careful.” Was his response. “I will fire Xavier.”
“Don’t,” I warned. “I am already in agony. Do not add to that.”
The next second, I collapsed in his arms.
Kade carried me to our bedroom. Instead of putting me on the bed, he walked to the bay window, placed me gently on the window-seat sofa and sat at my head.
Instantly, I moved, resting my head in his lap and holding his hands.
“How did it go?” I asked him.
“It’s official now.” He answered. “I am the—,”
“Don.”
“Yes.”
“I am the Don’s wife.”
“Yeah.”
And then, silence.
Neither of us spoke.
Kade opened the window. This is one of my favourite spots in the house. The window overlooked the hills. A soft breeze swept the curtains, and I tried to catch it with my hands as if I could hold the breeze and store it away.
I don’t know how much time I spend just like that, looking out of the window at the lush green hills.
“Was she there?” I asked. “You said you buried Celia on a hill. Was she there?”
I pointed to the hills on my left.
Kade moved my hand at one of the tallest hills. “She is there,” he says.
“The largest?”
I felt him shake his head. “It was the smallest. The only hill I could climb without getting myself and with—,” his voice trailed off.
But I can hear the unspoken words. With nothing but the limbs of the girl he vowed to protect, it would have been hard for him to climb that high.
Suddenly, I saw a fifteen-year-old boy carrying a sack of limbs, a sack of a human being, a girl who would have had a bright future if it weren’t for the selfish adults in her life.
I always wondered why Kade was so determined to save me then. Why the thought of losing me have such an impact at that age? We hardly met three or four times at Delmere.
Now, I understand.
He probably saw himself in me. He wanted to help me because no one helped him.
Silence stretched in the room once again.
After a long pause, after my health had somewhat settled, he started speaking.
“I killed my mother.” He whispered.
A pause.
Then—
“And my grandmother.”
I turned around with such force that I almost toppled over. But Kade held my waist and pulled me back against his chest. His hands wrapped around my small frame as if he needed me to stay close to what he was going to say, or he was afraid that I would run away from him after what he had to say.
“It has always been Nina and me. I don’t remember half of the things that happened there. I was too—,”
“Young.” I finished for him. “You were just a kid.”
“Then, Gloria came.”
When I looked at him, “The grandmother.” He clarified.
“There was another woman in the house. She can’t speak. I don’t know how to speak. I was desperate to talk to someone, to have someone, to be with someone.
In the initial stage, I felt safe. She was good. She fed me, bathed me, and bought me clean clothes.
She never stayed the night. She visited often, and that was enough.” A sad smile touched his face.
“I looked forward to having her at home. I don’t know what to do with all the bruises on my body. Nina always spiralled. I became her punching bag. But Gloria — she dressed my wounds. She made me feel good. And then one day, Nina’s father came. They took me somewhere. Dressed me in the nicest clothes I had ever seen.
We waited, waited, waited, and waited. No one came. By the time we returned, everything and everyone around me changed. Gloria wasn’t nice anymore. Her husband was shouting. Nina was too drunk to fathom what they were speaking.
They are blaming each other. And suddenly, three heads turned towards me. I know that was the moment I should run. Nina’s hands are soft. They still hurt. But her father’s—,”
I held him a little tighter.
“He pulled out his gun. Everyone was suddenly screaming. He fired once, and everything went silent. I liked that. It was all noise before. The gun made so much more. But one shot and it quietened all the noise.
And I stole it. I somehow knew that I needed it to survive. Then the hunt for the gun started. Gloria used to care for me. But she stopped doing it. She didn’t feed and bathe me like she always used to do. Suddenly, I am not a boy in her eyes. I am just a useless thing they have no need for. Now that I think about it, they probably took me to show Kai that I am his son. They waited. But Kai never gave them a chance.
Gloria came because they can’t possibly take a marasmus to the don and claim I was his son.
It was all noise again. Screams, curses, things breaking. I just needed everything to be quiet. So I fired.”
There’s a pause.
“Gloria came in between,” I whispered.
“I didn’t know that guns could kill. There was so much blood. The lights are pink. Everything is fucking pink. I couldn’t breathe. Two days later, Nina’s father left too. Nina was hysterical. She kept calling me a monster. The gun was gone. I can’t stop the noise. So, I tried to run. She followed me and fell down on the stairs. Actually, I knew she would fall. I saw it happen one time. She didn’t fall all the way then. She slipped and went to sleep. I thought the same would happen.
But this time, she didn’t get up again. It was all silent again.”
“For how long have you been at that house after?”
“I don’t know. Time passed differently then. I sat outside my house for the entire day. Someone noticed. And they guided me back home. They saw Nina, lying in the pool of blood. The police came. They were questioning me, and I don’t understand half of those words. I am only signing. Finally, Kai came.”
“He should have come sooner.” I muttured.
He could have done things differently. Just like how Celia could have done things differently.
But they had their own battles at that time. Kade and I paid the price. My voice was stolen while his was never taught.
We are alike.