69

69
Alpha Aric Darkclaw.

I had to resist the attraction I felt for her.
Elowen's eyes pierced me like soft blades, yet sharper than any sword I had ever wielded.
The elf was watching me in a way I couldn't understand, not with words.
She wanted to ask me something. I knew she did. But what could it be? Why didn't she say it? Why did she just stare at me like that?
Maybe she wanted to know why I left that night. Why, after everything that had happened between us, I just walked away.
Well, to tell the truth, I really wanted to talk to her about that day. Even though I had told me she would never play again, I couldn't.
I wanted to talk, too; I wanted to tell her that I didn't regret anything.
That every second I spent with her on that hot, restless night had been a damn blessing that I would never forget. I wanted to inform her that even now, as I watched her there in the light of the campfires, my whole body was screaming for her.
But I couldn't. I repeated to myself.
That memory, our bodies so close, the soft sound of her ragged breathing, how Elowen whispered my name as if our marriage were more than a political agreement, wouldn't leave my mind. It was there, stuck in me like a hot iron.
I wanted to continue.
But I shouldn't.
I can't.
I swore to myself that nothing like that would ever happen again.
What I feel for Elowen is not rational; it never was; it is instinct, desire, connection. Something primitive. However, she is not my Luna, and even if my wolf didn't care about that, he accepted her; he wanted her. I knew that if I gave in once more, if I crossed that line, we had already crossed halfway... I would be lost.
I wouldn't be able to stay away if I felt it again.
And worse: I would drag her down with me.
At any moment, my true mate could appear. In a village, on a battlefield, in a dark cave. And when that happens, everything will change. I will need to be with her because she is the one who was meant for me.
And if I've already given my heart to Elowen when that happens... how could I face either of them? I would never forgive myself if I hurt Elowen, never.
I looked away from her, forcing myself to swallow the lump in my throat.
“Sleep well, princess,” I said, and even my voice sounded hoarser than I would have liked. ''I'm going to my tent.”
I looked at her one last time—a mistake. The shine of her silver hair reflected the light of the flames as if she herself were made of stars. And her eyes... damn, those eyes were an abyss, and I was on the edge of it.
I turned and walked to my tent, where the wolves had already tidied everything up.
I went inside, and some followed me; some talked among themselves, but I was there, sitting, staring at the water, my thoughts bubbling inside me.
But there was no peace inside. My head was spinning; I didn't know how to calm my mind now. Or what to do.
Ronnie looked at me from where he was sitting near the small makeshift fire, with an expression that mixed suspicion and concern.
“What's wrong, Alpha?” he asked, frowning. ''Something bothering you?”
Yes.
Many things.
I wanted to say that I couldn't get her out of my head. That I could still taste her lips, that I had done something insane by touching her like that and then leaving as if nothing had happened. That my chest hurt, and that was rare because part of me wanted the princess to be mine, even though I knew she wasn't.
But I couldn't say any of that.
It was too intimate.
It was too weak.
And I was unable to afford that luxury.
I shook my head and said only:
“It's nothing.”
He nodded, respecting the silence, as he always did.
I asked one of the servants to bring me wine. If I couldn't act on my desires... at least I could silence them for a few hours.
The first bottle disappeared easily; the second made me lose track of time.
I stopped for a moment and went to the makeshift bed, lay down, and breathed deeply, picking at strands of my hair, feeling tense.
I turned over several times, trying to find a good position to sleep.
I swear I tried to sleep, but I tossed and turned all night.
When I realized I couldn't sleep, I got up. The air in the tent was hot and thick, almost suffocating.
I walked around a bit and saw various of my wolves sleeping; even Ronnie seemed to be sleeping peacefully.
I went to the tarp, pulled it back, and went outside, looking for some fresh air some clarity.
I wanted to go there. To Elowen.
Every fiber of my being screamed for me to go closer, to enter her tent, to touch her. To feel the taste of her skin again. I wanted to feel her lips on mine, to taste her on me, to feel her body fit with mine and become one.
But if I went... I would be doomed.
I stood motionless for long seconds, just watching her tent, which was silent.
She was asleep; I was sure of it.
“No,” I muttered to myself, biting my lip until it almost bled.
I'm not going to her. I thought decisively.
Staying away from her was almost impossible in normal times. In that state... after two bottles of wine and memories that burned inside me... it would be emotional suicide.
I looked away from the tent.
And with effort, I forced myself to turn around and walk back to mine.
It wasn't lacking desire; it wasn't lacking feeling.
It was because I knew that if I took one more step toward her, there would be no turning back. And I would lose control. Of myself. Of the wolf. Of everything.
I returned to the tent, feeling my heart pounding, wanting Elowen, but I wouldn't give in.
I lay back down in the dark interior of my tent. On the makeshift bed, I curled up there.
The silence of the camp gave even more space to my thoughts. I could smell her and distinguish her heartbeat among all the others.
Her breathing was calm, and her heart too. She seemed to be sleeping peacefully, or so I felt.
But I needed to focus.
The mission was clear now: rescue Aeloria. And that was it.
I was the Alpha, the warrior, and I was the general she needed.
And if the price for that was to suffocate everything I felt for Elowen...
Then so be it.
I turned away and closed my eyes, concentrating on sleeping.
I had to rest, even if only for a few hours. I had to be well to save my wife's younger sister.