Chapter 135 PAGES FROM THE PAST

Chapter 135 PAGES FROM THE PAST
CLARA's POV

The apartment was quiet except for the soft sound of rain tapping against the window. I sat curled up on my couch with Sebastian’s journal in my lap. The leather cover felt worn and familiar now. Maya had given it to me after everything came out. She said I deserved to have it more than anyone. 

I have been reading it for the past couple of days and it felt more like a love letter everytime.

My hands shook a little as I opened it to a page I had read many times already. Sebastian’s handwriting was messy but full of life, just like he had been. I took a deep breath and started reading again.

The words hit me hard tonight. He wrote about me. About us.

“I never thought I’d fall this hard for a girl from Brooklyn, “My Brooklyn girl makes me want to be better. She sees through all my charm and still stays. I love her laugh. I love how she calls me out when I’m being an idiot. I love  how she teaches me about her world. She’s real in a world that feels fake most days.”

Tears filled my eyes again. I wiped them away quickly, but more came. Sebastian had loved me. In his own incomplete way, he had loved me. The night we spent together before his accident was not just another fling for him. He wrote about wanting to tell his family about me, but he was scared. Scared they would look down on my background. Scared they would say I was not good enough for the golden heir.

“I wish I had been braver,” he wrote. “Clara deserves the world. I want to give it to her one day. She's my Brooklyn girl.”

I let the tears fall freely now. My chest ached with the kind of pain that comes from loving someone who is gone. We had only a few months together in secret, but they were some of the best months of my life. He made me feel seen. He made me feel wanted and special.

I turned the page and kept reading. The next entry broke me even more.

“I feel bad about her friend,” Sebastian wrote. “She’s a good person. Smart and strong. I know she likes me, but my heart is with my Brooklyn girl. I used the party as a way to spend time with my girl without anyone knowing. I asked Luca to go so I could be with her. I drugged him so he wouldn’t ask questions. It was wrong. I treated Maya badly that night. Left money like she was just a transaction. I hate that I did that. She deserved better. I hope one day she finds someone who sees how amazing she is.”

I closed the journal and cried harder. Big, shaking sobs that came from deep inside. Sebastian had felt guilty. He had known he hurt Maya. And he had still chosen me. The guilt I had carried for four years. Hiding the truth from my best friend felt even heavier now.

I loved him. I still loved him. And he had loved me back in his messy, imperfect way.

After a long time, I wiped my face and picked up my phone. My hands were still shaking as I dialed Maya’s number. She answered on the second ring.

“Clara? Is everything okay?” she asked. Her voice sounded concerned.

I tried to steady my breathing. “I was reading Sebastian’s journal again. The parts about me. About us. He really loved me, Maya. He wrote it down. He felt bad about how he treated you that night. He knew it was wrong.”

Maya was quiet for a moment. “I know,” she said softly. “I read those parts too. I’m glad you have the journal now. It belongs with you.”

I wiped fresh tears. “Thank you for giving it to me. It means everything.”

We talked for a while about the past. About how complicated everything had been. About how Sebastian’s death had changed all of us. The conversation felt healing, even through the pain.

Before we hung up, I gathered my courage for one more question.

“Maya… could you ask Luca where Sebastian is buried? I’d like to visit. I need to say goodbye properly. To tell him some things I never got to say.”

Maya didn’t hesitate. “Of course. I’ll ask him tonight and let you know.”

“Thank you,” I whispered. “You’re a good friend. Even when I didn’t deserve it.”

“You’re my best friend,” she replied. “We’ll get through this together.”

After the call, I sat with the journal in my lap again. I read Sebastian’s words one more time. The love he felt for me. The guilt about Maya. The dreams he had for a future he never got.

I cried until I had no more tears left. Then I felt a strange kind of peace. Sebastian was gone, but his words were here. His love was real.

Soon, I would visit his grave. I would tell him I loved him. I would forgive him for the secrets and the mistakes. And I would forgive myself for hiding the truth for so long.

Maya deserved her happiness with Luca. I deserved to heal and move forward too.

The rain continued outside. I closed the journal gently and held it to my chest.

“Thank you for loving me,” I whispered to the empty room. “I loved you too.”