Chapter 46 46
Kaelen's POV:
It was three seventeen in the morning and I was staring at my phone again, scrolling through the messages I'd sent her over the past three days. Seventy-two texts, give or take, and not a single response. Some of them were long, paragraphs of apologies and explanations that probably made no sense because I'd written them at two AM or four AM or whenever I couldn't sleep anymore. Some were just a few words: "please talk to me" or "I'm sorry" or "Annabeth please."
All of them unanswered, the read receipts turned off so I couldn't even know if she'd seen them.
My thumb hovered over her contact photo, that selfie from the café where we both looked ridiculous because she'd caught me mid-laugh. I wanted to call her, knew she wouldn't answer, did it anyway sometimes just to hear her voicemail. "Hey, this is Annabeth, leave a message or whatever." I'd left maybe ten messages, all variations of I'm sorry and I love you and please let me explain.
Nothing. Just silence and the void where she used to be.
I looked like shit and I knew it. Hadn't showered in two days, my hair sticking up in weird directions and my shirt the same one I'd been wearing yesterday. Or maybe the day before, I couldn't remember. The mirror in my bathroom showed someone I barely recognized: dark circles under my eyes, face pale and drawn, that hollow look people get when they haven't been eating or sleeping properly.
My room was a disaster. Dirty clothes on the floor, empty water bottles on my desk, textbooks I'd opened and immediately closed because I couldn't focus on anything except the constant ache in my chest. The ache that wasn't entirely mine.
That was the worst part, the thing that made it impossible to function. The incomplete bond we had, that connection that came from being destined mates even before we'd fully completed it, meant I could feel her. Not thoughts, not specific emotions, just this constant bleed-through of pain and anger and grief that mixed with my own until I couldn't tell where I ended and she began.
Right now, at three seventeen in the morning, she was awake too. I could feel it, this restless misery that sat in my stomach and chest, making it hard to breathe. She was crying, maybe, or lying in bed staring at her ceiling like I was staring at mine. The bond pulsed with her pain and I wanted to throw up from the weight of it, from knowing I'd caused this, from being unable to fix it.
My phone buzzed and my heart jumped before I saw it was just Marlen, texting from her room: "Go to sleep. Please."
I typed back: "Can't."
"You have to eat something tomorrow. Lucian is scared."
Fuck. I closed my eyes and tried to pull myself together, tried to be the responsible older brother who had his shit even remotely together. Failed completely.
"I know. I'll be better tomorrow."
Lies. I'd said that yesterday too.
I must have fallen asleep at some point because the next thing I knew there was light coming through my window and someone was knocking on my door. I sat up too fast and the room spun, my body protesting three days of basically no food and maybe eight hours of sleep total.
"Yeah," I called out, my voice rough.
Marlen opened the door and came in carrying a plate with toast and eggs. She set it on my desk and looked at me with that expression that was half worry and half frustration.
"You need to eat," she said.
"I'm not hungry."
"I don't care. Eat anyway." She crossed her arms, not moving. "Lucian thinks you're dying. He asked me last night if golden dragons can die from sadness."
That hit me harder than it should have. "What did you tell him?"
"That you're not dying, just being an idiot about a girl." She paused. "But he's fifteen and he's scared, Kaelen. He's never seen you like this."
I forced myself to pick up the toast and take a bite. It tasted like nothing to me but I chewed and swallowed while Marlen watched.
"She needs time," Marlen said after a moment, her voice softer. "You lied to her about something huge. She's allowed to be pissed."
"I know."
"Do you? Because you're acting like the world ended when really you just fucked up and now you have to deal with the consequences."
"Marlen—"
"I'm not trying to be mean. I'm trying to get you to function. You have to keep going to class, have to keep taking care of us, have to keep existing even though she's not talking to you." She sat on the edge of my bed. "Give her space. Let her be angry. Stop drowning yourself in guilt and just... wait."
"What if she never forgives me?"
"Then she doesn't. And you learn to live with that." She stood up. "But you can't know what's gonna happen if you don't give her the time to figure it out herself."
She left and I finished the toast, then the eggs, forcing myself to eat even though my stomach threatened to reject everything. The bond was still there, still pulsing with Annabeth's pain, and I wondered if she could feel mine too or if it was just me suffering this particular torture.
Lucian appeared in my doorway around noon, hovering like he wasn't sure if he should come in or not.
"Hey," I said, trying to sound normal. "What's up?"
"You okay?" He came in and sat at my desk chair, spinning it slightly. "You've been in here a lot."
"Yeah, just tired. School stuff."
"You're a terrible liar." He picked up one of my textbooks and flipped through it without looking at the pages. "Is Annabeth gonna come back? Like, ever?"
The question stabbed through me. "I don't know, dude."
"Do you want her to?"
"Of course I do. More than anything."
"Then why don't you just go talk to her? Like, in person. Show up at her house or something."
"Because she doesn't want to see me. And I can't force her to listen when she's not ready." I ran my hand through my disgusting hair. "Sometimes you fuck up so bad that all you can do is wait and hope the other person gives you a chance to apologize properly."
He was quiet for a minute, still spinning the chair slowly. "I liked her. She was good for you, made you less..." He gestured vaguely. "Tense all the time."
"I know. I liked who I was with her too."
"Well that sucks then."
"Yeah. It really does."
He left after that and I was alone again with my phone and the bond and the constant loop of her face in my head, the way she'd looked at me when she realized I'd been lying. Betrayal, that's what it was. Pure betrayal written across every feature, and I'd put it there. I'd chosen Marcus's secret over her trust and now I was paying for it.
I closed my eyes and tried to sleep again but all I saw was her. Annabeth laughing at the café, Annabeth in my bed telling me she loved me, Annabeth walking away from me while I felt her heart breaking through the bond that connected us.
The ache in my chest got worse and I curled on my side, pressing my hand against my sternum like I could physically hold myself together. But I couldn't. I was falling apart and she wasn't here to catch me and I deserved every second of this pain.
Three days since I'd lost her and I already couldn't remember what it felt like to breathe properly.