Chapter 62 This is my choice
It was happening. Again.
My heart hammered as my eyes dropped to my hands.
No, not again. Please, no.
But my skin continued to glow. Like four nights ago at that silver cage with Finn.
This was a bizarre occurrence that I couldn’t pretend away anymore.
My body was changing. A shift I did not understand.
It was undeniable at this point, the loss of control, Rhea’s unusual silence, the dreams.
And now this glow, brighter, lingering longer than the last time. Neon gold. Shining through my skin as if I had swallowed a lamp.
Was this a consequence of stealing the Silverpass?
But I returned the charm. I waited till yesterday, the only day in the week when Grandma never went to the plaza and placed it at the exact spot I had found it.
“There’s usually no blood.”
I jumped.
My head jerked back to find Finn perched by the door of the studio. Then he took the first step, and another, closing the distance between us.
I winced. He should not be here.
Not now, I cannot deal with him on top of all this.
“No knives, no gore,” he stopped a few inches away from the spot where I stood beside the barre, fenced in with mirrors.
“As a boy, I heard people say that in the end their bodies would thin out, like fog contained in the shape of a human, and if you tried to hold them, your hands would pass through as if they were made of ait. And finally, they crumbled like ash.”
This was our first conversation in four days. Since the night I rocked against him to my first orgasm.
“What are you talking about?”
His gaze dropped to my skin, and when he met my eyes again, those aqua-colored were sad. “I think the ritual has started.”
“What?”
“From what I have heard, the women fade away. They just…” he winced, “they thin out till nothing’s left of them.”
I inhaled sharply, and his brows furrowed, as if he was in physical pain, “Lys.”
“What do you want?” I backed away. “I do not wish to talk to you.”
His face contorted then, with so much pain, as if I had speared him through with a sword.
Then he gave his head a quick shake, and muttered more to himself, I deserve it.
He met my eyes again. “I… I shouldn't have let them do that to you. I shouldn't have…” he swallowed hard, unable to complete the statement.
The image returned to me, my silk panties in his fist, jerking off as he stared in my eyes, I'm sorry.
My cheeks burned.
“You think that’s it?” I took two more steps backward, feeling the soft creak of the floorboards beneath my ballet slippers. “You think I’m shallow enough to judge what your body reacts to or not?”
His brows lifted, surprised.
“You used me, Finn. I was a joke to you, some sex project.”
The light in my skin burned out, finally.
“What are you talking about?”
“I heard you!” I yelled, surprising myself. And him too, because his head jerked back.
Even I had not heard myself yell in years.
“Just go. Finn,” I whispered now, suddenly tired.
Whatever this was happening to my body, I needed to figure it out. I had to come up with a better plan to keep my heart safe from all three of them.
“How...” he croaked, eyes still bright with surprise.
“I heard you.” I repeated.
That was yet another thing to add to the growing list of odd things happening to my body.
I had broken through the hearing barrier a dragon of all creatures had set up.
Breathing through my lips, I turned my back to him, unable to bear the sight of those sad eyes anymore.
Those eyes that threatened to break my walls.
Once was enough. I could not cheat on the Hearthrown Alphas a second time. I had to clutch this anger tightly to protect my heart.
As long as I stayed mad at him, nothing could happen between us.
“How…” he stopped. “How could you even think that? How could you think anything I told you, anything that I feel for you, is false?”
I grabbed the barre, griping tightly as my head dropped.
“I never wanted to do it, Lys.” He took a hesitant step forward.
I moved away, still breathing through my lips, fighting the tears that burned my throat.
“I love you.” His voice shook. “That day in the kitchen, I… I tried to push you away because I didn't want to do that to you.”
“But you did!” I glanced back at him. “In the end, you did. You got me ready for them, made sure you did not fuck me because you were following your masters’ instruction.”
He stumbled back.
I bit my lip, wishing I hadn't said that.
The shock and hurt on his face was tearing my heart to shreds. But it was for the best. This was the only way to keep him away.
We stared at each other silently.
“You’re angry,” he nodded, blowing air out of his lips. “I understand you…” he bit his trembling lip, unable to finish the sentence.
His face was as red as mine now, both of us trying to hold back the tears.
In a blink, he closed our distance and grabbed me before I could slip away again.
I whimpered, turning my face away.
I could pull away, I should push away, but I was trapped. My mind was a bigger trap than his arm tightly curled around my waist.
“Lys. Please look at me.” His voice was soft, pleading.
I shook my head, keeping my face turned to the right, struggling against this intense need to touch him, to lean my head on his chest.
“I cannot watch you die.”
“This is my choice,” I whispered. “Please, let it go.”
“I can’t. The thought of it alone is driving me insane. I…” He dragged in a ragged breath. “I may not be as rich as y’all. But I’ve got about a hundred K saved from the past few years.”
He leaned closer.
“Please come with me. I’ll never make you work a day in your life. I’ll take care of you.”
Placing my hands on his chest, I pushed him off.
He stumbled, almost slipping as I stared at him, panting, trembling from head to toes.
My heart was kicking frantically, and the apple mint-scented air in the studio suddenly wasn't enough for my lungs.
I had never felt as much fear as I do now. Fear at how my heart leaped at his suggestion.
At the sudden burst of pink warmth in my chest, so sweet I could taste it on my tongue.
Since birth, a simple like had never been a consideration. Living in a small condo with a 100k net worth.
So why was it suddenly so appealing? Why did my heart crave it so badly, so desperately, that it now beats at twice its normal rate?
“You tell me this?” I sorted through my emotions and clutched the jealousy in reserve.
The jealousy that ate me alive from the moment I saw them in that garden. “You tell me this after kissing him? The man you claim you can't stand?”
“It’s not what you think,” he said in a rush, hurrying forward to hold me again.
I hurried in the other direction.
“That’s the oldest excuse in the book, please spare me.”
“Lys.”
“I stood right here and watched you kiss him. With as much passion as you gave me. Don’t turn try to turn around now and make me believe that I, a stranger, am so important to you that you’ll give all that up.”
“But I will!” He yelled, and I jumped. “What about that don’t you understand?”
“Would you believe that?” I fisted my hands. “If I told you right now that I loved you enough to turn my back on the tournament, on ballet forever, for your sake, would you believe?"
“I will.” His eyes were glassy with tears. “I’ll believe anything you told me, Lys.”
“Then listen to this and believe it.” I stood far away from him. “I have way too much going on to add you to it. Respect my decision and stop bringing this up. I’m not leaving. If death is the price I must pay, I’ll do it. The only thing that matters to me is the Grand Ascension. That is the one thing I have wanted all my life, cried for, bled for.”
I stopped to catch my breath, panting.
“Just go. Maybe one day we could go back to being friends." I exhaled. "Just friends.”