Chapter 38 Let her go
THE DRAGON
I stumbled through doors, reeled around blinds, as if my legs were my eyes, and my eyes were no longer functional.
They had to be.
Six years. I lived with her. Him. Six years, and I did not see it. Did not feel it.
Were vows so weak, promises so fleeting, love so temporary? I had vowed to love her in every lifetime, come running for her as soon as she drew her first breath.
And I had failed.
I had failed over and over. Worse, I had let her grow up in that…
It took effort to suppress the roar at the memory of what we had saved Finn from. At how hesitant I had been to meddle in the affairs of mortals. Only doing it because Hale had been determined to fight for the boy alone if he had to.
Filtering through the oak wood door of his bedroom, I found him sitting by his reading table.
His head was bent, headphones on, and eyes intent on his computer where some chef was demonstrating probably the two hundredth way to make steaks.
He watched the video with the same undivided attention he gave everything.
The way he threw himself into everything he fancied with a single-minded devotion. Cooking, Hale, now Lys.
Finally, his shoulders tensed, sensing my presence.
I saw the flash of uncertainty in his eyes, before his head swiveled around and those aqua-colored eyes nearly sent me crashing to my knees.
“What the bloody…” he cursed with that foul temper that Hale always joked made mine feel calming in comparison.
He yanked the headphone off, nearly snapping them in halves as he flew off his seat.
“You wanna give me a heart attack or what? Why the hell wouldn't you knock?”
I could only stare at him. Speechless.
It should have been clear from the moment I noticed he was the only creature walking this earth who wasn’t scared of me.
He respected me. No doubts. I saw it in the way he looked at me when he thought I wasn't watching. The way he spoke about me in public. The way he competed against me in the armory or gym.
But he lacked even the tiniest shred of fear.
Unlike everyone else who lived with the small fear that I may snap one day, part my lips and turn then into fine ash. Even Hale.
“You need something?" He said more quietly now, the heat of his rage gone.
And as silent seconds ticked by, his eyes turned worried. Worried for me.
“Don’t move.” I took the first step towards him, and his stance changed immediately.
Fear crept into his eyes. Fear of himself, not me, and the smell of desire from his pores got stronger till it felt like I was swimming in it.
A quick glance at his slacks showed evidence of the war inside him. Every time we were alone like this, every time our eyes locked, Finn warred with his desires.
I got to him, and realized he was not breathing anymore.
“You’re beautiful.” I fisted my hands beside me, scared of losing control for the first time. Terrified of giving into my natural possessive, selfish dragon instinct.
“You didn't come all the way here just to tell me that, did you?” He scowled, but there were dots of pink on that pale vampire skin.
Just like Lys, when he blushed, it spread from his cheeks to the bridge of his nose.
Like makeup.
Was this the reason he fell in love with her immediately, the many similarities between them?
They were so alike, except for this temper, of course. Lys was a sweet little thing that was beginning to unravel me in ways that made me uncomfortable.
Pushing all thoughts of her aside, I took a step closer, raising my hand.
Finn flinched, impulsively, but then he inhaled, and stood still.
His forehead was slightly warm under my palm. And slowly, I caressed downwards towards his chin.
My eyes fluttered close as my other hand came to his face. I moved my hand over his face, feeling it like a blind man would do a sculpture at a museum.
His bones were firm under my palms as I tried to reach for the soul nestled between them.
He leaned into me now, and my hands trembled. I groaned low in my throat.
“One Kiss, Finn.” I begged shamelessly.
Unlike with Lys, I did not really need a kiss to get into his own head. But now that I knew he was Nymphaea, I could not ignore my selfish desires anymore.
I have always ached to touch him, kiss him, fuck him, but now the desire was overpowering. I was desperate to kiss my wife.
Surprisingly, he did not pull away immediately. Neither did he protest.
My eyes flew open, and I was stunned to find his eyes had softened. I could not remember anytime he had been this compliant.
“I’ll do anything for you, Daine.” He finally pulled away from me.
My heart ached at the loss.
“Yeah…” He laughed nervously. “You have no idea how much of a relief it would be to, like, just let myself go… to actually feed this… this desire that's been eating at me for years.”
He strolled towards the reading desk, a gift from me last Christmas, and stared out the window.
Then he turned back to me, his eyes glassy, vulnerable. “I have just one request.”
Even before he said it, I knew what he was about to say.
“Let Lys go,” he bit his lip. “I feel like I’m suffocating. Like I'm gonna die just thinking that she might die.”
He winced now. “Yeah… I know I sound like a total simp. I mean, I just met her. But…” His hand came up to his chest, squeezing savagely, as if to squeeze the pain away. “I feel like I’ve known her forever."
“Finn...” I could think of no other words to add.
This was yet another abnormality since that woman came into our lives.
This lack of words when it came to issues concerning her.
“You don’t understand!” His eyes flamed, tone rising. “What I feel for her is as real as what I do for Hale…” He swallowed hard. “... For you.”
“Please. Just let her go. And I swear it's gonna change the way I see you both.”
“You think we are monsters?” I took slow steps towards him as the images I had seen in that woman's mind earlier returned to me.
The fight.
The horror of the bloody war that broke out between the three of us. I was determined to stop it.
But with a startling chill, I realized I was not willing to let her go. Not even for Finn.
“It’s gonna change the way I see you,” he repeated and took two steps back.
A wall went up between us. He was shutting me out.
How could I hope to reach Nymphaea if I couldn’t even get through to the boy she chose to return in his body?
“You know me, Finn.” I stopped finally. “I am very protective of my property.”
“That’s.the god. Damn. Problem,” he stressed the words painfully, his rage returning with full force. “We aren't your Ashbounds. We aren't the stacks of gold you’ve hoarded for centuries. We are people.”
“Who I claimed!”
I was starting to lose my patience. Nymphaea or Finn, I could bend them, and they knew it, but I wasn’t willing to bear the consequences that would come with it.
Their stubbornness, insolence was the single spine their souls were built around.
Bending it or breaking it would break everything that made them living creatures.
“You, Hale, Lys. You’re mine!”
My shoulders sagged. Maybe today was not the best time to tell him about Nymphaea after all.
Or explain to him why we had to keep doing these rituals neither Hale nor I derived any pleasure from.
“And you kill what is yours?” Finn said now, those full lips in a bitter twist. “Your people call you the monster gods, you know?”
“You do realize you are the only creature who dares to speak to me this way,”
He shivered, eyes wide.
I had lost him.
There was nothing I could say now that would get him to listen to me.
At least, not today.
I turned for the door with a growing terror.
It scared me to admit the bond I shared with Nymphaea for centuries was withering.
The part of my soul that housed her essence was emptying out, and a quiet little woman, who was mostly a stranger to me, was taking her place.