Chapter 205 Into battle
Chapter 205 Into battle
LIRA
The great hall had finally emptied.
The nobles had departed, their whispers fading into the corridors like smoke. The queen had left with Evander and Aveline in tow, with Calista trailing behind them. Even the priest had retreated to his chambers. The guards had resumed their posts, their faces stoic, their eyes watchful.
But I remained.
I stood in the shadows at the back of the hall, watching Cassian stand alone on the dais, the crown heavy on his brow, the weight of a kingdom pressing down on his shoulders.
He looked so young. So utterly lost.
I had seen Cassian angry. I had seen him fierce, defiant and reckless. I had seen him fight, bleed, and nearly die. But I had never seen him like this, uncertain, afraid and drowning in a grief he could not express.
I crossed the marble floor, my footsteps echoing in the silence.
He did not turn.
"Cassian," I said softly.
He flinched.
"Lira." His voice was hoarse. "You should not be here. You should be in your chambers sleeping."
"I know." I stopped beside him. "I wanted to see you."
"See me." He laughed, even his laugh sounded broken. "See the new king. See the man who could not save his father."
"Cassian..."
"He is dead, Lira." His voice cracked. "My father is dead. And I watched him die. I watched the spear strike his chest, and I could not stop it. I could not save him."
"Cassian..."
"I was right there." He turned to face me, his eyes blazing with a grief so raw it stole my breath. "I was right there, and I could not stop it. I had all this power, all this magic, and I could not save him."
I reached for his hand.
He pulled away.
"Do you know what the worst part is?" he asked. "The worst part is that I do not even know if I mourn him. I do not know if I loved him. I do not know if I feel anything but guilt for his sudden death."
"Cassian..."
"He was a terrible father." His voice was flat now, hollow. "He was cold and cruel. He hated me, he never approved of anything I did. He never looked at me like I was enough."
"Cassian..."
"And now he is dead, and I am the king, and I do not know how to feel. I do not know what I am supposed to feel."
I stepped closer.
"You are supposed to feel whatever you feel," I said. "There is no right way to grieve. Despite everything he did he was still your father."
"Is there not?"
"No." I took his hand again, and this time he did not pull away. "There is no right way. There is only your way."
He looked at me.
His eyes were wet.
"I'm afraid," he admitted. "I am so afraid, Lira. I do not know how to be king. I do not know how to lead. I do not know how to protect anyone."
"Cassian..."
"I do not want to be like him." His voice was barely a whisper. "I do not want to become cold and cruel. I do not want to look at the people I love and see only power."
"Then you will not."
"How do you know?"
"Because I know you." I squeezed his hand. "I have seen you at your worst, Cassian. I have seen you angry. But I have never seen you cruel."
"Lira..."
"You are not your father. You will never be your father. And I will be here to remind you of that, every single day, for as long as you need me."
He stared at me.
Then he pulled me into his arms.
"I do not deserve you," he whispered against my hair.
"You do," I said. "And you are stuck with me anyway."
He laughed.
I held him and let him hold
Me.
\---
The days that followed were a blur of grief and chaos.
The palace was in mourning. Black banners hung from every window. The servants moved in silence, their faces pale, their voices hushed. The nobles gathered in clusters, whispering about the future, about the war, about the new king who had been thrust into power before he was ready.
Cassian threw himself into the work of ruling.
He met with the council. He reviewed reports from the borders. He authorized the mobilization of troops, the fortification of the capital, the preparation of supplies for a war that was already at their doorstep.
He did not sleep, or eat, he barely even spoke to me.
I watched him from the shadows, my heart aching with every glimpse of his tired face, every slump of his shoulders.
He is pushing himself too hard, I thought. He is going to break.
And I do not know how to stop him.
\---
I found him in the war room one evening after the palace had been ridden with news of Norwyn attacks, he hunched over a map, his hair disheveled, his eyes red-rimmed.
"Cassian," I said.
He did not look up.
"Cassian, you need to rest."
"I cannot rest."
"Cassian..."
"Have you heard? There is news from the border." His voice was flat. "Norwyn has started raiding the villages along the frontier. Veyraxis is leading the attacks. She is burning everything in her path."
I felt the blood drain from my face.
"Burning?"
"Everything." He looked up at me. "The fields, homes and the people in them. She is not just attacking, she is annihilating. And Sargon's armies are following behind her, claiming the land for Norwyn."
"Cassian..."
"If they continue at this rate, they will reach the capital." His voice was calm, too calm. "Unless we stop them first. Unless I lead the army out to meet them."
I went cold.
"Lead the army out," I repeated.
"I have no choice. I have to protect my people."
"There is always a choice."
"Not this time." He stood, his body rigid. "If I do not stop them now, the fight will get out of control..."
"Cassian..."
"I cannot let that happen. I will not let that happen."
He tried to walk past me.
I grabbed his arm.
"Stop."
"Lira..."