Then she felt like she was drowning and her words vanished from her lips.
It felt like she was right in the lake and above it at the same time, hovering over the water and looking at the drowning child, while the drowning child looked back at her, struggling.
Then she was finally in the baby and she could see Xinora floating over her as she felt herself dying in the baby — felt the baby dying. She saw Xinora stare right at her mother, who froze immediately like she had seen a ghost - it was what she looked like anyway, what she seemed to be. Then Belladonna felt the presence slam right into her immediately.
Xinora had vanished and was now inside her as one being, the moment of her almost death creating the perfect space for Xinora to fit in. But just as Xinora had merged into her, she dissolved into the back of her mind like a mere pest fighting against a strong host.
Her mother pulled her out of the water, her gaze blank and cold. Without a word, she wrapped her in a piece of cloth to keep her warm, then she took her away. As her mother walked further away from the lake, Belladonna felt herself withdraw from her baby form and now she was behind them, watching her mother leave with her.
Her mother had always said that despite how much she hated her, she couldn't bring herself to kill her.
But from what she had seen now, she did try to kill her, it was just Xinora who had stopped it and lured her mind permanently away from the thought, turning her into someone who resented her even more and more for a burden she felt shackled with not just couldn't dispose and didn't even know why.
Belladonna’s heart raced, her breath quickening.
What was going on?
Was this real?
She turned to see that the Red Moon was still in the sky and the only thing that reminded her of was the night she was supposed to have her Wedding Ritual with Eli.
It was the night of the Blood Moon.
Immediately that thought crossed her mind, she felt herself being yanked to the memory.
She was in a White chiffon dress, in that room, her head with no hair but henna drawn on it to cover up the punishment she had received from the Thanatou’s realm. Nadia had stepped in - now she knew better that it was Granny.
Then the attack flashed before her eyes and there she laid on the floor, dead.
She could sense the same aura in the air, she could feel the presence of the Blood Moon, something she couldn't do then.
She had wondered how she had survived that night but now she could see it — she could feel it.
Belladonna had suddenly been drawn into her body, like she was living the moment again. She was dying, bleeding out, and at a point in the original memory, she had passed out, but this time, she didn't.
She felt Xinora rise from within her to the of her mind while she got pushed back totally to the point that she had forgotten how she survived this. She felt her neck seal right back, and while being present in her body, she felt her body move around, although she wasn't the one in control.
It felt difficult to breathe, like she was trapped in a confined space, like she was screaming but no one could hear her.
“The second death,” she heard her own voice say, and her lips moved before she finally stepped out of the room and felt herself yanked back out into her present being - one whose presence could change nothing about the memory.
The second death?
This was the second time she was dying in these memories she had been forced to visit.
Xinora was the one doing this, she was communicating with her. But this wasn't just communication, this was a threat!
The first time she had died that had been significant was on a Blood Moon in the lake where her mother tried to drown her; she had actually died that night it seemed.
Then, the second time was right here; it seemed she had died that time, too.
It was also a Blood Moon night.
Was the Blood Moon significant?
Recently, she had tried to drown herself in a lake and she was certain that Xinora was the one behind it. That had not been a Blood Moon night! What was going on?!
How many times did these deaths have to happen? What did they mean and what effect did they have on—
Her questions stilled in her mind, just at the same time, her rapid and heavy breathing jammed a pause as she felt the presence behind her.
“Xinora?” Belladonna turned and she was right behind her; long silver hair, silver eyes, white flowing dress stained with blood oozing from that dagger buried in her belly.
“You spend too much time in my body. I have been trying to get in and you close the windows and close the doors, playing his tricks. You have overstayed your welcome.” Her voice was low and eerily calm.
Belladonna took a step back. “This body is mine. You are the pest here.”
Xinora moved closer; she had a gentle face and warm eyes. She was young and held no vengeance in her gaze. She looked like one that could be a friend, but Belladonna knew better.
“My father prepared that body for me to return to. He made it by himself, selecting the best vessel to carry it in order to house me when it was time. You are just a placeholder. You’ve done a great job at hiding me away from the Guards of the Higher Realm on their recent search for strays, but you must go now. Accept your third death and hand over the vessel.”
What?!
By Ignas, that was too many things! What was she even saying?
Rage fired in Belladonna's veins.
“Your father raped my mother?”
“My Father can do no wrong.”
That made Belladonna even more furious.
“He prepared a vessel for me to return to, so that I may sacrifice myself when my people will need it to survive the one who killed me. I must go in.”
Belladonna balled her fists beside her; Alaris was right - Xinora was a lost cause.
“Grant me permission.”
“Grant you?” Belladonna arched an eyebrow of annoyance at her. “If this was your body, you should be able to take it.”
Xinora smiled. “The third death will happen, one way or another. You cannot live forever nor can you avoid it. You will surely die and I will possess what my father has prepared for me. My father has summoned me, and I must obey his summon.”
Alaris was so right. This Xinora was stupidly loyal and definitely crazy.
Killing her was the perfect choice.
“Belladonna, your death is certain, even the Dream Trickster knows it. He doesn't tell you yet because he has nothing to gain from it, that is how he is. He hasn’t changed.”
Belladonna chuckled. “You are as stupid as they say.”
“If you grant me consent here, then it will be painless, only bliss.” There was a hint of anger in her voice which vanished as she continued to speak. “If you don't, your death will be cruel. You choose. What is there to live for anyway? Your lover is dead and your life has fallen into ruins. Die blissfully. Don't you want to go and meet him? I have heard from a couple of strays that he is waiting for you. He doesn't have much time till he loses his memory and forgets, till he becomes one with the Forgotten Realm.”
Something shook inside her but she tried to stand strong.
“Don't you want to go to your Eli?”