“Nightshade, do you have any memories of Jyris?”
He was crouching in front of her.
This room suddenly felt too small. Where was the air of ease?
“No, except that he healed my ankle, gave me that gold ring that you tossed away and he was at the table with the King. Nothing else. I’m trying to but I don't remember anything else.” She wouldn't tell him about the strange feeling of familiarity she had when she had first seen him.
That would be too dangerous.
“You were in her dreams even when you weren't in captivity. So can you just go into people's dreams? Can you still do that?”
“No. Her dream was the only one I could get into without being in captivity. But My freedom does come at a price. It was hard to lure the brides with my soul, and certainly, I prefer this freedom to that.”
“Did killing her hurt you? Since the gems are supposed to be a pair.”
“I struck her stomach.”
“Why didn't you strike her in the heart or behead?”
“I wanted to behead her and take her heart as my own; a little prize, but I wasn't great at handling the subconscious back then. I wanted to strike her in the heart but I wasn't good with balance in dreams. Everything started crashing and it blacked out. I was lucky to leave that dream in one piece.” He smiled, moving to the side and laying on his back.
Belladonna watches cautiously.
“Then everything was perfect for you.”
“It would have been if a problem hadn't followed a death. My presence started sucking the life right out of everyone around me. Her death created an imbalance for me, and I was desperate to fix that, hoping that a pair to me would be sufficient. I started searching for a Queen. Kestra came in as a dancer for the short entertainment. She had a powerful aura that none of them had. It wasn't a perfect balance, but it was better. Also, she wasn't terrible to look at.”
Belladonna shuddered slightly, horrified by the trauma Kestra had put her through.
“But then, I became a captive. You know the story.”
She did.
“I still had to struggle with the imbalance while I was trapped in my dragon form. I was always very violent, the anger and pain from Eli’s betrayal didn't help.” His voice didn't carry the hatred it used to be imbedded with. “But the good thing was that when I was stuck in that captivity, I had nothing to do but explore different realms through the minds of different brides; with that, slowly I found balance. It wasn't perfect but it was better than none.” He was sitting again and throwing his arm over her shoulder playfully. “At least, you’ve spent the most time with me and you are not dead yet.”
Belladonna shrugged his arm off her shoulders, tensed and even more weary of the situation than she was before.
“This cannot be happening to me again. I am tired of this. What am I? Some host for every random thing?” She let out in frustration.
“I know it is her father.” Alaris was lost in his own thoughts. “I will figure out something. I’ll keep you safe. I have to find a way to get that dagger. You must ensure to stay away from the castle and the White King, I’ll find a way to assassinate him. I thought that would prove more difficult and impossible than a victorious war but now, I’m starting to think otherwise.”
The silence of the room washed over them but then it was only a moment before Belladonna broke it.
“What if it happens again?”
“I’ll be with you. I won't let you hurt yourself.”
“I wonder what triggered it? Was it because you kissed me?”
“No. I– no. This isn't my first time kissing you.”
“Don't do it again.”
“I–I won't. I already said I won't. Also, I already said it must be her father.”
“You are not certain of that. Also, every possibility must be considered.” She stood up, now being the one to pace around the room. “Do you think it is the gem? Maybe the longer I create shadow warriors, the more… maybe the more I stay linked — Maybe we have to destroy the gem.”
Alaris stood up, the flash in his golden eyes that dimmed into blue showing that he wouldn't have it. “We won't create any more shadow warriors for now,” he offered instead. “We’ll stay in hiding.” He then shook his head in disappointment. “I should have told you everything. I really should have. Now that I think about it, it is a stupid oversight. I feel like fucking idiot. You can slap me if you want.” He was standing right in front of her yet again. “Take out your anger on me.”
She folded her arms across her.
“By Ignas, that will magically fix everything.” She rolled her eyes. “I will be a fool to pass on that offer.”
“It was an oversight. It was stupid, I should have thought about it. I’m sorry. I didn't mean to put you in this situation, I’m sorry.”
“Save your expensive apology and come up with a solution.”
“I will. I have, I’ll put it into action soon.” Then he heaved a sigh in frustration. “Why can't they all just stay dead like Eli.”
Belladonna's hand swept across his cheek swiftly, her eyes dancing with rage.
“That is not funny!”
He raised his hands up in surrender, a smile playing on his lips. “That strangely makes me feel better.”
“You are sick,” she snapped as she pushed her way past him, heading to the door.
Her stomach rumbled at that moment.
“And you are hungry, but not angry.” He followed her.
“I am. You do not speak of Eli like that.”
“Not because of him.” His hand fell on the doorknob, stopping her. “I considered something so important as irrelevant and because of that, I didn't tell you. But you are not angry?”
He was standing behind her and she looked back at him. “You do that anytime you are scared.”
He furrowed his brows in denial. “I’m not scared.”
“You did it with Kestra because you were terrified that it would put a question to your strength. Doing this will only give your problems time to be stronger. So, change?”
“Nightshade, you are still not angry.”
She shrugged. “I’m used to it at this point and I’m too hungry for this conversation.” She ended with a dismissive wave and he let her go, shutting the door behind them.
Dismissive.
There was nothing dismissive about the situation, Belladonna knew that.
There was one other possibility besides the ones they had already discussed, the very one they had decided to stay silent on because of the damage it would cause if it were real.
What if she was Xinora?
She had knowledge of many things that she couldn't explain. She knew their language even while she was in Ignas. The first time she saw Jyris, there had been something so strikingly familiar about him.
So what if she was her?
What would Alaris do to her if he found her to be his enemy? Would he kill her again?
What would she do if she was Xinora? Would be powerless against the White King’s summon? Would she be his weapon, or would she bring peace?
A different family. A different everything. A different person.
Would Alaris still see her as an ally, or would he kill her immediately because then she would become his poison?
Nightshade.
He had always called her that.
By Ignas, what if she was Xinora and he already knew that but he had hoped to keep her in the dark forever, her ignorance buying her life while she stayed at his side?
Who was she?
What was she?!
She had questions and no answers but a certainty that she wanted to survive.
She needed to create a portal. She needed to get out of this realm! She needed to run away from all this.
Xinora? Belladonna?
It didn't matter.
Alive, as Alaris had said, was all that mattered.