The tears rolled down her cheeks and she wiped it away angrily with guilt.
"You should kill me. I have been the one wreaking havoc after all."
He stopped, his eyes studying her with his little flame, before he crouched next to her, taking her wrist and studying the fresh burn left behind.
She didn't move away from him, because at his touch the voices became silent and the weight on her mind felt a little lighter.
"I killed people. I hurt them."
His focus was on the bloodstains and he looked up at her with a smile. "They must have deserved it." A glint of admiration flashed in his eyes and a smirk sharpened the corners of his lips when he confirmed the blood wasn't hers.
It felt inappropriate for him to look at her that way after what she had done.
With pride and absolutely no reproach.
"Was it fun?" With his serpent-like eyes, he looked at her like he was seeing her for the first time.
Fun?
Belladonna frowned, snapping her hand from his now, because now the relief it brought was gone.
FUN?!
"No, it wasn't! It was the most awful thing!"
He hummed lightly.
What was wrong with him?!
So it was terrible if others wreaked havoc, but fine if she did.
"I killed people, Alaris!" She stood up, her hands trembling by her sides as she paced back and forth. She brushed her hand over the small growth of her hair as the images flashed in her mind. "I spilled blood. All those people. I hurt them." She stopped, her gaze moving from the clash of glowing light from his hair and the reflection of the dancing flame on the cave floor, to him. He wasn't looking at her with blame or anything worse, even after what she had said.
His reaction had been different in Granny's hovel. Maybe because back then, they had wanted something from her.
Killing people must mean nothing to Alaris.
But of course, it didn't.
He collected hearts for fun, made it a rule to never do anything for anyone except the benefit was his, violence was what he called a little game, and hunting was his way.
He was a dragon.
Of course, he didn't understand her.
Yet he stepped forward and he pulled her into an embrace when her trembling became too much that she couldn't stand on her feet.
The flame died out before he touched her, and there they were in an incomplete darkness, thanks to the gentle glowing of his long hair that Belladonna couldn't help but always be jealous of.
Right now though, his hair was the last thing on her mind.
"I don't want this power, it makes me evil! I don't want it!" She cried and she felt his wings go around her too, just like his hands had.
It felt warm... too warm.
"If I could take it from you, I would. Oh my Nightshade, your mind is too feeble for these violent things."
Hidden by the mouth of the cave, Eli watched, as she received comfort from someone else.
Although he had convinced himself that he was ready for her to find happiness with another, and that he would gladly receive it as a punishment that he wouldn't fight, watching it happen was more pain than he could have ever anticipated.
His hand crawled to his chest and he bumped his fist against that part where his heart was aching beneath silently.
It felt like a dagger was ripping his chest open.
His mind whispered to him, as his body continued to torture him by not letting him tear his gaze away... anyone but Alaris.
Literally, anyone else but him.
Of all the kinds of grieving, the silent ones were the most painful.
Eli's grief was silent.
___
___
It had been hours after the cave incident and Eli had already made his presence known to them.
It was hard to pretend that he was alright, like he just hadn't had a breakdown outside the cave, but he did it anyway.
"I was looking everywhere. I hope you are well." He had asked Belladonna and she had responded with a silent nod that she was.
It was difficult to not hear her voice, to not have a more private moment with her after what had happened tonight. It made him angry that Alaris had been here quicker than he had arrived.
He didn't have a right to be but he was.
They were nothing, yet it kept feeling like they weren't over. This love he had for her would be the death of him because he was really feeling like picking up a fight with Alaris just to crash his fists against his head and send his smirk to extinction, even though he knew he was subjected to the Bloodoath between them.
That was illogical and it was irrational, but logical was the last thing he was right now.
Soon enough, they prepared a fire and they sat around it for its warmth, at least Belladonna did.
"What made you so mad to lose your temper like that?" Alaris asked. "The gem should be able to stop it but not when you are intentionally wielding the power."
"I wasn't intentionally wielding it. I didn't even know what happened."
"What made you so mad? What did they do?"
Eli stared at the flames, tensed and waiting for Belladonna's next words.
"They were throwing stones," she finally said.
That was it! She still cared about him.
"Just throwing stones?"
"They were throwing stones at me," Eli provided, not because Belladonna didn't speak soon enough though.
"Oh. You." Alaris pushed a braid behind him.
"Not him, I don't care about him." Her voice was so dismissive, that his hopes died. "They weren't listening and it made no sense. I just snapped."
"It's alright."
"It is not!" She was tired of this, tired of Alaris trying to just brush it aside.
If every time she lost her temper like that, someone died then she was a problem. He was trying to make it seem like it was nothing, but it wasn't and she knew it.
"You pressure yourself too much with these little things," Alaris said with a dismissive wave, sending a small ball of flames to the already burning pile. The fire roared lightly, creating quick images that Belladonna was too distracted to keep track of.
"Reckless violence should not be termed "little things"." Eli chirped in. "She is right to be worried. Do not dismiss her feelings like that."
"Blah, blah, blah." Alaris rolled his eyes, before glaring at Eli over the fire. "Keep quiet, Squeamish." Then he turned fully to Belladonna who was by his right side.
"You have no control of it," he smiled, leaning into her personal space, allowing himself to intrude. "Just enjoy it, instead of wasting your time self-loathing. Take it from someone with experience."
The look in her blue eyes showed that she didn't agree with him. "I can not enjoy it. I hate causing people pain."
Alaris shrugged as he sighed. "Come here, I'll take you flying." Then he added with mischief. "I'll be gentle---"
Belladonna's stomach rumbled with hunger and she ignored it, but Eli didn't. He pushed a piece of meat wrapped in leaves to her, but she turned it down.
Hiding the pain of the rejection, he turned to Alaris with questions.
"You got here first, so fast. Were you following us?"
"These weak mortals and delusions." Alaris rolled his eyes, looking over the fire like he was bored.
He knew Eli's insecurity and attacked him with that, calling him mortal and weak like his parents had called him in many words.
Eli felt the jab of the words but he accepted it. He had ridden him around for two hundred years, if he wanted to hurt him with words then he could.
"How did you know that I needed help?" Belladonna asked and ever so slightly tension seeped into his shoulders, then he flashed her a flirty smile, as his fingers curled her wrist as he pulled it closer to his face.
"How can you ever be lost to me when you carry my soul around your wrist?"