Kenji had been outside the door when Nadia ran past him. He tried to stop her but she had held her hand up, signifying that she didn't want to be interfered with.
It was unlike Nadia to be like that. She was usually shy and happy.
Maybe she had finally realized that his brother didn't have eyes for her.
Ah, those midnight thoughts could be ready disturbing and eye-opening at times.
She would heal.
He was worried though, that something might happen to her in the forest she had ran into, although she had a lantern with her. But no one knew this place more than Nadia, aside from Granny. She would be able to take care of herself.
If she stayed too long though, he would go after her and check if she was alright.
The door creaked open and Taria stepped out.
Kenji laughed, looking at Taria's disheveled state. It looked like she had pulled at her hair in her sleep, her eyes were red with the lack of it though.
"Are you going to run too?"
"What?" Her voice sounded hoarse, more like she had been crying.
As much as Kenji didn't fancy Taria's presence because of how much of his brother's attention she owned, this didn't look like the right time to tease her with hurtful words.
"Are you alright?"
She shrugged, running her hand through her hair, her scalp was still stinging from how much she had yanked at it in her sleep. The dye was already fading away and the silver roots were now showing.
"Why are you outside here? You can't find sleep?"
Kenji didn't look as disheveled as she did though. His black robe didn't have so many creases. He seemed put together for someone who was awake when he should be in bed. There was a lantern by his side, along with his research book, a bottle of ink, and a pen.
The sound of the cricket in the bushes some distance away filled the night, goosebumps pebbled on her skin, but she preferred this to the warmness inside.
That came at a sleep-depriving price.
"I don't usually sleep," he flashed her a smile, revealing his perfect set of white teeth.
That explained why he was always looking sleep-deprived. He ran his fingers through his curly, slightly-damp hair, at the lack of what to do under her scrutiny.
She heaved a sigh and settled next to him on the floor.
"I couldn't sleep."
"Why? Are you thinking of my big brother?" He tried to imitate his brother, while he bumped his shoulder against hers lightly.
She shook her head.
"I'm happy we are back to what we used to be, but that isn't it."
After Anok had woken up from the herbs aftereffect, he had been back to the stoic person he used to be, and the guard on his tongue had returned. He had apologized for their awkward conversation at the river, and asked that they continue like it never happened.
Taria had been more than happy with the arrangement. With what she had experienced with her father, such kind of intimate relationship terrified her. Her facade of being totally unaffected by her experience had finally slipped away with that one conversation, and now she was left to face the feeling she had been running from.
"I had a nightmare."
"Oh." Kenji looked away from her, his gaze fixed on the ground, the sand wet with dew.
The breeze smelt of it.
"About my father." She pushed her hand over her face, like she was covering it in shame. "And I can't stop thinking about how he makes me feel."
Kenji stayed silent, not pushing her.
"Like an object. Like I'm floating, like I'm not really here." She paused, looking distantly ahead. She wanted to turn and look at him, but she was afraid he would look at her like she was crazy and that would stop her from speaking. She was scared he would judge her.
She didn't even know why she was speaking to him. Her relationship with Kenji wasn't as close as the one she had with Anok.
Maybe she felt safe with him?
"I feel unworthy and dirty, his ghost must be glad at my misery, to see me losing after his death. Do you understand?" She risked to ask.
"I do."
The wind whispered, singing about a coming rain, and the flame in the lantern, danced slightly to the rhythm.
A tear rolled down her cheek, falling onto her robe, and dissolving into it. She pulled her hand away from her face but still, she didn't look at him, she kept her gaze ahead.
"I'm tired of pretending like I'm winning, when actually I do not feel like it. What do I do?"
"You heal."
She frowned and risked looking at him, risked seeing the judgment in his eyes.
He had none.
"How do I heal?"
Kenji smiled, "yours might be different from mine. I told myself that they stole from me and I won't let them steal the rest."
She looked away, pulling her hands over her face again. The cold was nothing compared to the bitterness that filled her heart.
"My father stole everything from me, and there is nothing left. He stole from my sister, my mother, the entire village. They all stole from us." She paused, biting her lower lip to keep her from sobbing. "I thought I won when I killed him, but I acted too late. If only I had been bolder, maybe my sister wouldn't have... maybe that baby... " Her voice trailed off.
"It is not your fault." Kenji slipped his hand over hers and pulled them away. She looked at him with a tear-stained face and he looked back at her with understanding in his eyes and a small comforting smile. "This shouldn't have happened to you. You fought and you fought well. Your sister would have been very proud of you. I know how it feels, trust me. I've been there."
His words were comforting. They preached to her heart the peace she had been searching for, but the peace crashed against something and she shook her head.
"But there is nothing left." She tried to look away but his hands cupped her face, gently keeping her from doing so.
"There is. I know it, and that part is where the victory lies. Living your life to the fullest is the healing you need. Taria," he hardly ever said her name, and that held her attention, "don't let him steal from you again."
She blinked, nodding absentmindedly.
"How did you get here? Did you do this alone?"
He shook his head.
"I had my big brother and now, you have me."
She smiled, the tears that ran down her cheeks now uncontrollable, and she leaned into his embrace.
"You have us."
Their attention shifted to the person who had just spoken behind them. Anok looked at them with a guarded expression, a razor in one hand and lantern in the other. "Pardon my intrusion but you said you wanted your hair gone? Let me do the honors."
Kenji scoffed.
"He is going to make you a baldy like him."
They laughed.