Chapter 54 Just like
Alessandro's POV
The last time I had a panic attack was when I was little.
It was my first time in a new school and everyone just kept staring at me like I was some fucking ghost.
Their eyes were so big and everywhere in my head.
Since then, I had grown and with my position as a Mafia leader, that was the last thing on my list.
Not until that night with her.
That night opened something in me.
I felt seen. I felt appreciated - with my flaws.
It was as though she pulled my mask away and saw right through me. Even though it was just my tattoos but yet - she stayed.
She didn't run.
Her eyes didn't hold fear.
She even became more curious.
I had named her after my favourite bird and that wasn't no mere coincidence.
She calmed me down in ways I couldn't explain. Unknown to me.
She made me feel things I didn't think I was capable of feeling.
For that, I panicked.
My mind spiralled round, different thoughts running through my head.
"Was I feeling something more for Madison?"
That was the most pressing thought and I had no damn answer to that question.
As if to prove her significance, she wrapped her hands around me in fear of not knowing what to do, sobbing quietly.
It worked. It helped with the panic attack.
She probably thought I was dead at first, when all I did was lay down to see if I could still the rave in my head and the hard hit on my chest.
"So you're telling me that you spent the night with Madison and nothing happened?" Niko spoke slowly, trying to understand the situation.
I didn't know who to talk to and between Stefan and Niko, I felt as though Niko would understand since he was the ladies man.
Though I didn't go deep on anything just how I couldn't be myself around Madison and then I gave an instance of not fucking her even when we were alone and far from home
Even when I craved that so bad
But yet for some fucking reason, I wanted to take things slow
Who does that? That wasn't a me thing at all.
"Did I have a fucking water in my mouth when I said that?" I frowned at him. I knew why he was asking again and again.
He was also in disbelief.
Join the party, Blood.
"How does she make you feel? Do you feel soft around her? Like less you?" Niko perched forward, his eyes boring into mine.
I didn't like being put in a spotlight at all.
Exactly why I hated therapy.
"I don't know." The answer was yes but it seemed like he would magnify everything if I said that answer
"You're not helping, bro. You indulged me in this conversation so you have to see it to the end." Niko smirked at me.
"I don't know, man. I don't love her." I started by debunking what I thought he would be titling towards. They all tilted towards that direction and it irked me. "I just find myself paying so much attention to her and I used to think it's because she's hot or because of her traumas but it's more than that."
I stared into empty space.
"I want to protect her." My words trailed, getting lost in my thoughts.
"How do you feel when other guys get close to her?"
I frowned at him, clenching my jaw. "Why would they fucking get close to her?"
"That's not the answer, Alessandro." Niko said seriously. "Do you feel nothing? Or mad? Or Jealous?"
A laugh cracked out of my lips. I relaxed my back on the chair, folding my arms. "Jealous? Really?"
"Okay, I'll explain Jealousy. Do you want to tear them apart when you see them around her? Do you not want her ever talking to them? Do you want to just keep her to yourself?"
"How's that jealousy? It's protecting my territory." I frowned slightly, the smile gone. My heartbeat accelerated -
Fear.
I could feel my heart begin to lose its rhythm. I could barely control it.
I was going to have a panic attack again.
"Territorial. Hmm, I like that. So I take that as a yes to all my questions." Niko kept talking, not noticing my mini panic attack.
I was glad he didn't.
"In conclusion, I think you are growing soft on her and you're letting your guards down for her. When you feel something special for a special someone, you do things you ordinarily wouldn't do for anyone. You become territorial and overly protective of this person." Niko continued explaining further.
I stood up, backing him as I shut my eyes, concentrating into the darkness, trying to shut out his words - they were piercing into my soul.
They were getting to me.
I was feeling special things towards her and for now it didn't have a name and it was never going to.
I strongly believed I was just being that way with her because she looked vulnerable and due to her past trauma, I wanted to keep her away from the world.
Niko was just trying to get under my skin. Bastard.
"Are you okay, Man?" Niko asked, his voice calm.
I opened my mouth slightly, breathing softly. In and Out.
Then I heard the voice. "Alessandro?" And then I felt her small hands on my back.
My body froze, my heart beat reducing it's harsh pace. My eyes snapped open at what had just happened.
She circled around me, standing in front of me.
The little woman that had my perfect life all scattered. The little woman who messed with my thought process intrusively.
Her honey eyes looked so dull, her eyes searching my face. She placed her hand on my chest, making me flinch back harshly.
She was going to feel it. The unusual beat.
"It's me." She said softly. I sighed, letting her place her hand on my stomach instead.
She raised her hand to my face, pushing my hair backwards, away from my face.
My eyes darted to Niko who had a weird smile on his face. I swallowed hard, stepping away from her touch.
They were making my limbs grow weak.
"Done with your lesson?" I asked her, my expression cold.
A big smile appeared on her face. In nanosecond, she had her hands wrapped around me. My eyes widened, my heart beat racing again.
She was going to fucking feel it but I couldn't push her away either because I loved her warm embrace. I felt trapped in-between them.
"Thank you so muchhhh. I really had a fun time in art class. I have also seen the teachers I would love to have teach me." She muttered, her cheek pressed on my chest.
"Really?" I said, my voice monotone as I struggled to keep my smile inside. Her happiness was contagious.
She broke away, grinning widely, her head bobbing up and down. "Mhm-hmm"
I brushed her hair with my palm, delicately, looking into her eyes. "That's good, Raven. They'll be all yours."
"So I'm really going to resume school?"
"Something like that." I shrugged, feigning nonchalance.
"Oh my God!" She hugged me again for a split second and then she hurriedly pecked my cheek and ran away.
It was so cute, I didn't even know when I chuckled. I just couldn't hold it in.
"Aww." Niko stood close to me. My body tensed knowing he had witnessed all those
"It's -"
"Uh-uh" Niko raised his hands, cutting me off. "That's enough denying."
"I just like her, okay?" I snapped, freezing as the words left my mouth.
"And that's why she's leaving now." My father growled from behind me, his eyes dark.