Chapter 138. FIONA

Chapter 138. FIONA
“You can’t just cancel our wedding.”
He reached into his jeans pocket and roughly grabbed my left hand. He put the diamond ring I’d removed from my finger back on.
“You’re my fiancée forever. Don’t mess with me again, or you’ll regret it.”
“I regret saying I do to you.”
Joshua remained silent. He dragged me into the boutique and yelled at the owner harshly.
“Bring her all your best wedding dresses. Now.”
The owner and her assistant nodded frantically. They hurried into the boutique and returned shortly after with five expensive-looking wedding dresses.
“Try them on. You have to get one for our wedding today.”
I jerked free of his grip on my wrist and followed the owner into the fitting room, my feet stomping on the floor. Fuck if the people here thought I was childish. No one understood how I felt. Even that jerk could only order me around without considering my feelings.
Tears streamed down my cheeks as I tried on the first dress. The boutique owner looked at me sympathetically.
“Are you okay, ma’am? Do you want me to get you some water?”
“No, I’m fine.”
“Are you having a fight with your future husband?”
I nodded slowly.
“I’ve been in this business for twenty years. I’ve had many clients with problems like yours in the days leading up to their weddings.”
“He’s so bossy. I can’t stand the way he bosses me around.”
“Maybe your future husband just wants to give you the best, but he doesn’t know how to do it properly. Men are different from women, who have feelings as smooth as silk,” the woman smiled gently at me.
She was like Lea. I felt better after sharing a little of my troubles with her.
The boutique owner helped me into the first dress. It was a short-sleeved, balloon-style gown with lots of Swarovski crystals on the bust and waist. The cleavage was modest, not too low. The skirt was very flared and made with full tile. I didn’t like this dress, but the boutique owner wanted Joshua to see me in it.
“What do you think, sir?”
“I think it’s too much for her.”
Well, Joshua didn’t like this dress either.
The boutique owner gave me another wedding dress. This time, it was made of very soft satin and still had many Swarovski stones on the bust. At first glance, the dress looked simple, yet elegant. It was form-fitting with a very large bow at the back and a Sabrina neckline. The dress had a separate train made of white tile with lots of sequins. The boutique owner said I could wear the train during my wedding vows and take it off at the reception to make it easier to move around and greet the guests.
The boutique owner’s assistant opened the curtains. Joshua sat back on the white sofa, one leg tucked under the other. He stared at me for a long moment before standing up and walking toward me.
“I like this one.”
His palm gently touched my shoulder. His gaze lingered on my collarbone, then down to my breasts and over my entire body. This dress had a lower cleavage than the first. The sabrina neckline made my breasts look fuller and plumper. Joshua was like a hungry dog who had just found a tasty morsel of meat. His lips landed on my bare shoulder before he turned me to face him.
"This wedding dress is perfect for you. Let's take this one."
"Okay."
He paid for and chose the dress. I was just a living mannequin for him.
Joshua didn't buy his tuxedo from the same place as my wedding dress. He said he already had a designer and tailor for his tuxedo.
Dammit. He wouldn't even let me choose his tuxedo or watch him try it on in front of me. This wedding was for him, not for us. This wedding was for his ego, not for our future.
God. I'm sick of this.
"Why are we here?"
"You haven't eaten anything yet."
"We're going home, right? I'll eat at home later."
"No, we're not going home now. Get out of the car."
So, our next stop was the pizza place we'd visited after visiting the agent's sick daughter four years ago. The place was still the same as I last remembered it: a red canopy with a large "Pizza" sign and colorful neon lights. This time we weren't there during lunchtime. The place was still pretty empty. It was just us and two women sitting in the corner of the restaurant. They were both giggling at something they were looking at on their phones.
"You want something?"
"You brought me here, so you order."
I left Joshua at the counter, ordering. I took a seat near the large window overlooking the street. An elderly woman was walking down the sidewalk with a bag of groceries slung over her chest. Behind her were a teenager and a little girl. They were probably just getting home from school. They were walking hand in hand. The younger sister pointed to the ice cream truck across the street. The older sister shook her head and led her sister away from it.
“Do you like what you see?”
“Yes.”
Joshua placed two bottles of Coke on the table. I took one and sucked it through the straw.
“What happened to you? Your change in attitude confuses me.”
I stared at Joshua intently.
Does he fucking not know what happened to me?
“Talk to me, Fiona.”
“I don’t know what to talk to you about.”
“Why do you want to call off our wedding?”
“Because I’m not sure this will work. I’m scared.”
"I already told you, I'll handle everything. I just need you to stay by my side."
Joshua tried to take my hand, but I pulled it back and placed it on my lap.
“I want equality in our relationship. You have a lot of money and power, but I don’t want you to order me around like I’m your slave.”
“You’re not my slave. Why would you think that?”
“Because…”
The waiter came with our orders. Two pan paperoni pizzas and my favorite tuna pizza. They smelled delicious. Unfortunately, I wasn’t in the mood for either pizza.
“Because of what?”
“You boss me around. When I make a mistake, you blame me and make me look like a murder suspect. You’re angry with me for my rudeness to Melissa. I don’t want to be treated like that, Josh.”
“So, is this still about yesterday?”
“It’s about everything that’s happened in our lives. What happened yesterday is just one small example of all the problems we’ll face in the future. I’m afraid of facing bigger problems in the future.”
“You’re thinking too far ahead, Fiona. The future is for the future. You live in the present.”
“You don’t understand what I mean, Josh.”
“I understand what you mean. What I don’t understand is why you’re so preoccupied with things that might not happen in the future, sacrificing the things we’re facing right now?”
I looked away, staring out the window. Tears threatened to spill from my eyes. My emotions felt like they were being stirred up inside me. I didn’t know what was wrong with me that I’d ended up like this.
“I’m sincere in my feelings. I love you, Fiona. I want to marry you because I see happiness with you. I’ll only be happy with you, not another woman.”
Joshua gently tugged on my chin.
“Listen to me carefully, I love you. This feels crazy and embarrassing to me. I’ve only just found true love at this age. Tell me that you love me too and want me.”
I blinked, and a tear fell onto the back of Joshua’s hand. My heart tightened with sadness mixed with emotion.
He finally said he loved me. Even though he said it in a less-than-ideal situation, at a time when I was filled with so much anger and sadness.
"Say something, Fiona."
My tongue was numb. I couldn't say anything but sob in front of him.
"So, you don't want me anymore?"
Joshua exhaled loudly. Disappointment washed over him. He pulled his hand away from my chin and nodded slowly.
“Fine. We’ll cancel our wedding. I don’t want to force you to do something you don’t want to do. I don’t want to be the bastard I was four years ago.”
I remained silent. My brain wouldn’t work to find a single word to say to Joshua.
“Like I told you this morning, today we’re not just going to a wedding dress fitting. I’m taking you somewhere. Even if our wedding never happens, I still want to show you something.”
“What about the pizza?”
Finally, I managed to say something to him.
“I’ll have the waiter pack it up. You’ll probably be hungry later. We’re going on a very long journey.”