The Count Down

It took a few seconds to realize that I was actually starting to relax about Scott leaving. He would be back, and he would be back close to the time that he promised. I wondered, briefly, if that had been his reasoning behind what he was doing. If so, then it worked perfectly. Scott knew exactly what I needed to push past the abandonment panic that everything had caused.

I pushed myself off the bed and went into the adjoining bathroom. It was time to get cleaned up and start taking care of myself. Even if I wasn’t… pregnant, I needed to care for myself once more.

It was difficult to even think of the word without the plethora of emotions racing through me. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it because there was such turmoil inside me. On the one hand, the idea of raising a child on my own was terrifying. On the other hand, to have something of Noah’s with me gave me joy. Such joy was enough to get me out of bed finally. This may be the kick in the butt that I needed. I wasn’t about to waste the opportunity.

An hour later, I was showered, dressed, and eating just as Scott came back in the door. He handed me a paper bag and nodded towards the bathroom. Fumbling a few times, I hurried to take the test, just wanting to get answers. I returned to the bedroom to wait the allotted time, worried that if I stayed in the bathroom I would stare at the little results screen until I screamed with impatience.

The clock seemed to stand still as we waited. I sought something, anything, to take my mind off the ticking of the minute hand.

“Can I ask you a question?” I suddenly broke the silence.

“Anything,” Scott replied without hesitation.

“What is going on? How’s Willimina? Any word on Molly? Does anyone know where she could have gone? Any word from her period?”

Scott cleared his throat and put his own cup down before sitting back in his chair. I wasn’t sure if he was stalling or bracing himself for the conversation.

“That’s more than one question, Becca,” he stated with a lame attempt at humor.

I gave him a look, and he sighed, knowing I wasn’t going to let it go.

“Alright,” he finally gave in. “No, we haven’t heard from Molly. Willimina tried to call the police. But since she is nineteen and had already stated she wanted to go and even left a note, the only thing they could do was promise to let us know if they heard anything. I tried to follow up on those numbers you gave me. But that led to five different flights, and none of the staff would admit to seeing her,” Scott took a drink and shook his head.

“How’s Willimina holding up?” I pressed.

He shrugged. “She’s pretty upset. My father is with her and while he’s a good man, calming a hysterical woman is not his forte,” Scott admitted.

“So, what do we do now?” I asked him.

Scott ruffled his short, blonde hair and growled in frustration. “I have no idea. Besides you, none of her other friends will or can tell me anything. And I’m set to head to Denver on Monday. After that, while I intend to keep looking, most of my time will be needed to start up this business. I think she knew that when she planned this. If I push the opening back any further, I risk losing my investors.” Scott sighed heavily. “It sounds so selfish, but I already have employees, and I need to pay them.”

I put my hand over his and squeezed it slightly. “You’re not being selfish. You have responsibilities, and Molly made it clear that she didn’t want us to find her. We have to believe that she’ll come back when she is ready to. Until then, you have a responsibility to the people who depend on you. I had no idea you were starting your own business.”

Scott seemed to jump on the subject change, and I let him. There honestly wasn’t anything more to say. All of my questions had been answered, and without any leads, there was no hope of finding Molly. Like Scott, I wanted to keep looking for Molly, but I knew even less about her friends than her family did. I was in the same boat of not having any hope and not knowing what to do without it.

I listened to Scott intently as he launched into his new business plan and how he was looking forward to getting out from under his father’s eyes. He wanted to make something of himself. Scott already had my respect, but it only grew as he spoke.

The alarm interrupted him, and I stared at it for a moment as if I couldn’t remember what it was for.

“Becca,” Scott spoke. “It’s time.”

I nodded and took a deep breath. This moment… I knew this moment would change my life forever. I could feel it deep in my gut. Scott took my hand and walked me into the bathroom.

Reading the test was easy. The hardest part was understanding how I felt when I saw the results.

“Not pregnant,” I read out loud in a blank tone.

I was disappointed, upset, sad, and felt the lack of hope again.

As I felt the void threatening to swallow me once more, I felt something else rise in me. I wasn’t going to do that anymore. The time for self-pity and wallowing had passed, and I wasn’t going to deal with it anymore. Determination blossomed and filled me to the point it pushed out everything else.

I was determined to move on and find myself again.

Dropping the test into the wastebasket, I purposely turned my back on it, wiping it out of existence in my mind.

This was a sign, my sign that there was nothing left here for me, and it was time to move on.

“Is there enough room in Denver for me?” I asked Scott.

The shock on Scott’s face was almost comical, but it quickly passed as he registered the determination in me. He understood my need immediately and gave me a nod.

“Then let’s go,” I stated.

I was finally ready to walk away from the past and towards my future. I didn’t know what would happen tomorrow, but it had to be better than here and now.