22. Farewell

22. Farewell
It's not the soft hum of a vehicle that caused me to wake, no. It's the bumpiness of the road, and the dreadful feeling that settled deep within my chest. I pried my heavy eyes open, ignoring the fact that all I wanted to do was sleep, but I couldn't right now. I was in a car.

Where was I going? I didn't know. I peeked out of the window, watching empty grassy plains, and trees as the car lurched forward onto the actual road. The driver wasn't one of the familiar men I've come to know in my time with Nicolo, no. This was a stranger.

"Where are we going?" I croaked. My voice was scratchy and weak from sleep. He didn't seem to mind. In fact, he didn't respond at all. It was frustrating.

"Excuse me, Sir? Where are we going?"

I could tell by his tight jaw that he was getting annoyed with my persistence.

"Home," He hissed, a thick hispanic accent on his tongue.

The funny thing was, I no longer knew what that meant. What was home? Not the apartment I've lost. Or the friend's apartment that may no longer be where it once was. Where the fuck was I going?

"W-where's Nicolo?"

The driver slammed on the breaks and whipped around with a dark look.

"No!" He yelled while angrily shaking his head. "No Niccolo, never was a Nicolo. You'd be smart to keep it that way and keep your mouth shut."

I couldn't contain my confusion.

"What the hell do you mean, no Nicolo?"

"Where the hell is he?"

"He doesn't exist. at least not if you want to live."

I ignored my dread. I knew this day would come, I just thought I'd be riding away from that mansion in a fucking body bag. He's tossed me away like trash. The man I've come to love is finally done with me. I should be happy. Joyous. All I could feel was emptiness. Used. Unwanted.

Tears pricked my eyes, no matter how hard I tried to blink them away, I couldn't. I mourned. The death of my relationship, the comfort the mansion has become and how so fucked up everything was. How fucked up I am. I shouldn't love a man who's abused me. Kidnapped me from my home. Destroyed my life. No. I shook my head furiously.

"No!" I screeched and pounded my fist against the glass. The car began moving. The driver didn't let my outburst deter him from what he was supposed to be doing, no. This was a man who was used to the cries of many, the anger, the hatred. All emotions he's become detached from feeling.

I twisted in my seat, hoping to see a glimpse of the mansion but coming up empty.

"You mother fucker!" I pounded harder on the glass. My tears were so heavy my vision was severely compromised, but I didn't care. I'd scream until my lungs burst, until my voice disintegrated. I'd pound on the glass until the skin and muscles in my hand were disintegrated and bloody. He was done with me. Our conversation a long time ago circled back to me.

I had asked the question I now dreaded the answer to. "When will you let me go?"

His answer was so simple.

"The day you realize you don't want to leave."

I sobbed uncontrollably. Annoying, loud, gut-wrenching sobs that ricocheted off the walls of the car. The man remained quiet.

It seemed like hours of sobbing until things around us became familiar. We drove through my town. I noticed everything. The coffee shops, doctor's offices, and I knew where we were going.

Margo's apartment was still at the same place. Nicolo must've told this man to bring me here. The car stopped to a halt in the parking lot.

"Get out." He instructed.

I wiped my eyes, sniffled, and pushed the door open with as much strength I could muster. My body felt heavy as I stepped out of the car. Too heavy. Like all I wanted to do was drop to the ground in a heap and die there.

Each step towards Margo's front door was agony. What was I going to say? I tried to rehearse some things and create an explanation that made sense without bringing up Nicolo, but nothing felt feasible. I didn't want to start pretending he didn't exist. I couldn't. Not after everything.

When I got to the front door in her apartment building, I raised my hand, but hesitated.

What do you say after months of not seeing someone. Months of isolation from those that you love?

I didn't realize I was knocking until my knuckles throbbed. I was pounding against the door. Angrily. Enough to scratch the skin on my hand. When it finally opened I felt myself release a breath I didn't know I was holding.

Margo.

She looked tired, hair a frizzy mess, bags under her eyes. When she realized it was me her eyes widened, and her face paled.

"S-Selena?" She whispered.

"I'm back." I responded and threw my arms around her. She clutched me tightly and cried. I cried along with her, about everything.

"Oh my god," She repeated over and over. "What the hell happened to you?" She said and released me. I walked inside her apartment behind her and closed the door.

"I- I was following Joshua."

Her face fell.

"And you didn't fucking think to contact someone?" She yelled angrily. "Me, your parents, we've all been fucking worried sick. You don't just disappear for months on end, and not fucking call someone Selena!"

I raised my arms defeated and looked at her apologetically.

"I'm so sorry. He was into some pretty bad shit, I didn't want to get you guys involved. I didn't mean for you to worry. It's over now."

Truly in my heart I felt it was over. Everything with Nicolo. He was gone, and I doubt I'd ever see him again. He didn't love me. He never did, and I was blind the whole time I was under his control. This was all for the best – at least he got that right.

"Over now? Your parents are going to tear you a new asshole! I filed a fucking police report! You're probably on a milk carton or something. We need to go down there and fix that!"

I sighed. Dealing with the police... right now? I'd rather swallow a spoonful of cinnamon. Fuck that.

"Please, can we wait until tomorrow? I'm fucking begging you. I'm just so exhausted, and hungry and missed you." I pouted.

She sighed and placed her hand on her hip.

"I guess. One more day isn't going to kill them. But call your parents, now."

Lovely. I'd rather deal with the police. She could tell by the look on my face that that was as appealing as talking to the police right now.

"Can't all this wait until tomorrow. I'm begging you. I can't deal with one more heated reunion on the phone or otherwise today."

"Fine. Take a shower though. You look like shit. Then we can go out? The café misses you."

The same one I met Nicolo at? No thanks. I didn't want any reminders of him.

"Can't we just order in and watch movies, and cry like we usually do?"

Margo's face softened. She nodded slowly and gestured to the bathroom.

"Now go. Take a shower, or a bath. Anything. Just relax. I'll order in."

I walked towards her and wrapped my arms around her once again.

"Thank you, thank you."

A shower sounded like heaven. The only positive thing in the hell I was experiencing.



After stuffing our faces and crying over one of our classics – The Notebook – we were calmed, and things weren't looking so dreary. I was pushing Nicolo to the farthest depths of my mind. I didn't want to think about him ever again. As for the love I felt, I would suffocate it.

It's getting late when there's a knock on the door. Margo and I look at each other weirdly.

"Are you expecting company?" I asked. She shook her head. I wasn't either. I climbed off the couch and went to the door while she paused the movie. I opened the door and glanced around before my eyes fell on the single rose on the ground with a note tied to it. The rose has been spray-painted black.

I slowly crouched to pick it up and opened the note.

For who could ever learn to love a beast?

"Nicolo," I whispered. I looked around the hallway quickly but didn't see anyone. Was this another goodbye? For good. Who could ever learn to love him is what he meant. The beast of a man. Broken, torn with so many issues I doubted I'd be able to keep up. But I had been willing to accept those once. Now I felt foolish. Betrayed. Angry.

"What the hell is that?"

"A rose." I replied robotically. My attention was elsewhere. Lost far away in a mansion where a beast was no longer waiting for me. No longer thinking of me.

I closed the door, ripped the note off the rose and stuffed it into my pocket.

"Who the hell would send us a rose?" She stared at me confusedly.

"Must've been at the wrong door, it's not addressed to anyone." I walked to the kitchen, and stepped on the garbage peddle, before tossing the rose in the trash.

He would be in my past now.

It was the only way my heart could bare things.