12. No Remorse

12. No Remorse


My ass throbbed as I scooted off the bed. Nicolo wasn't going to wait forever and I didn't want to anger him anymore than it appeared I had. I ignored the way my legs shook as I walked towards the bathroom door. Pain consumed my limbs with each step, but I couldn't dwell on the fact I was used like a ragdoll. This is what I wanted. Life. I guess I didn't exactly expect to be battered and abused. At least, not by Nicolo. He had showed me sides of him that almost seemed human, but I knew the truth. He was an animal. A broken, and wounded animal. I would be his escape.

The bathroom room was a blinding white, it reminded me of a hospital room. Sterile and uninviting. Lonely, but the hot water brightened my mood slightly as I twisted the knob to the shower. In minutes the room filled with steam. I'm enveloped by a thick warmth and almost distracted enough to shut out the pain as I took a step into the shower. The water warms the cold in my veins, and massages my muscles as it flows over my red flesh.

"Oh god," I whispered. My words drowned against the sound of the water. What the hell had I gotten myself into? "Oh my god!" I yelped, and held my head in my hands. I couldn't continue like this. I couldn't. This was insane. I stepped back directly under the shower-head to cloud my vision with water, forcing me to close my eyes. I thought of Margo waking up in her apartment, all alone, never at peace with my disappearance. I thought of Joshua, missing a finger but free. Outside, interacting with a more peaceful world. That fucking cocksucker was the worst thing that ever happened to me.

The image of him smiling at my bruised and swollen body twisted my stomach. I clutched my stomach, and doubled over, dry heaving before bile made its way up my throat and down the drain of the shower. Nausea jumbled my stomach, and I took deep breaths in through my nose. I never thought he would be so cold towards me. I thought Nicolo was even surprised from Joshua's lack of remorse. It was like we had never dated. Those months were nonexistent. I was a stranger.

"No!" I cried as my legs gave out. I slumped to the floor in the shower and pulled my knees into my chest. The physical pain I felt was nothing compared to the emotions wreaking havoc on my mind. He never loved me. That realization was gut wrenching. My eyes were glazed over, as I stared impassively at the drain, watching the water go down. I tilted my head confused as the water was tinted a pinkish red. What the-

The taste of copper swirled around my tongue. I bit my lip. Hard enough to draw blood and I hadn't noticed until the blood was already washing down the drain. I was so in my head, I forgot my body was exhausted and in pain. I ran my fingers through my hair. With every blink of my eyes, an image of Joshua poisoned my mind.

"Fucking liar," I whimpered.

"Selena."

I was startled by Nicolo's voice outside of the shower. He was like a ghost, no sound to alert he had entered the room. I was in my own head, I hadn't noticed him. The door to the shower was cracked. The water dripped onto the bathroom floor, as I remained still beneath the powerful jet. He reached for the glass door, and pulled it back, fully revealing the pathetic heap I was.

"You're crying." He stated. I glanced up at him. How could he tell? Water droplets covered my face. My eyes stung, and my nose felt runny. Of course I was fucking crying. What did he care anyway? He shouldn't care. He doesn't.

I ripped my gaze away from his, diverting my eyes to the floor of the shower again. I knew he was only there to rush me along. I was taking too long. I needed to speed up my meltdown. My psychotic break was inconveniently long. I didn't want to see his annoyance, his pity. I was pathetic. Everything was pathetic.

"Stand," He commanded. I flinched from his curt tone. I doubted that I could without support. My energy was significantly diminished. He had beaten it out of me. "Give me your hands."

He reached for me, the arms of his jacket soaking up the water from the shower. He didn't seem to care. I couldn't move my arms to accept his offered hands. I was scared. Was his kindness some game? Something further to screw with me? I was sure I would be a pile of shattered pieces before the end of my sentence with him, because this felt like prison. Like I was a block of ice, and Nicolo was the one chiseling away at me.

"Selena, you don't have to be afraid of me. I'm not going to hurt you right now."

Right now... His words seemed sincere. He sounded genuine but I didn't trust him. "I need you to stop thinking for a moment, and just listen." He was angry. Impatient with the broken girl at his feet. I flexed my fingers, surprised my brain didn't register pain in them. I reached up towards his hands, grabbing a hold of his, before I was hoisted upright.

He wrapped his arms around my waist as my legs wobbled and I struggled to stay standing. He supported my weight, helping me out of the shower and back into the bedroom. The room was filled with the sound of the shower continuously running, as he sat me down on my bed. His eyes flickered over my body, but only concerned knitted his brow.

"One moment." He disappeared into the bathroom, shutting the shower off, and rustling in the drawers. When he returned, he carried a towel. He placed the towel on my head, wrapping it around my hair, and pressing it against my wet locks. I tensed under his touch, my body prepared for a blow. Something painful but nothing came. He dried my hair with expert hands, moving down my back before running the towel over my breasts.

He handled my body gently. Drying every inch of it.

"Lay on your stomach. I know you're sore, but the quicker you get this done, the sooner we can leave."

He didn't mind admitting his selfish reasons for his actions. I was silent as I laid on my stomach. The towel ran over my back before he dried the crack of my ass. I clenched my cheeks as I felt pain. My ass was incredibly sore from his lashing.

"Stay still. I'm going to massage your ass."

I nodded my head against the bed. A cool liquid dripped onto my butt cheek before I felt Nicolo's hands on my globes. He gently massaged my ass, rubbing a type of lotion into my angry and sensitive skin.

"You need to eat."

My stomach rumbled at the mention of food, but I knew I couldn't stomach much. Too many nerves. I gently agreed. "Sit up." He instructed.

I climbed back into a sitting position on the end of the bed and watched as Nicolo walked to the closet. He looked odd shifting through the wardrobe he assigned me. He pulled out a yellow dress, and laid it out on the bed next to me. He bent down, and grabbed a pair of silver flats, and plopped them down at my feet.

"Lift your arms."

I lifted my arms. Nicolo grabbed the dress and pushed it onto my arms and over my head. It was tight enough to keep my breasts in place. The thought of wearing a constricting bra stressed me out. I pulled the dress the rest of the way down my body, lifting my ass so I could pull it all the way down. I leaned forward and slipped my feel into the flats. Nicolo rummaged through a drawer in the closet and pulled out a pair of lacy, gray panties.

"I- I got it," I said, taking the panties out of his offered hand. I put my feet into them and pulled them up my thighs, before standing. I stumbled slightly as I attempted to pull them up. Nicolo was at my side immediately.

"Hold onto my shoulders."

I gripped his shoulders tightly, as his fingers skimmed my thighs, dragging my panties up to my waist. The act was so intimate, I blinked rapidly because I was sure I imagined the thoughtful expression that crossed his face.

"Would you like me to brush your hair?"

"No," I replied. Brushing my hair would be too painful. I usually let it dry right out of the shower anyways to create waves. Pulling a brush through it would only crack the hair.

"Fine." He sighed. "Let's go. Can you walk?"

"I think I can manage." I tested my weight on my feet. I could do this. I might limp, but I was capable. I walked along side Nicolo, trailing slowly as my body adjusted to the movement, and I shoved away the pain of his recent assault down.

We walked to the dining room. A plate of eggs and toast, a glass of orange juice and pills sat on the table as we entered.

"Sit and eat, and take the painkillers."

I felt strange eating in front of him while he didn't eat. I sat down, and the first thing past my lips were the pills, washed down by some orange juice. I hoped the pills would take the edge off. I figured Nicolo could find something strong. I took a couple bites of egg before I shook my head.

"I can't stomach anymore. I'm sorry." I couldn't force myself to eat. My stomach was uneasy. If I continued to eat, I would throw up.

"That's fine." His voice was clipped, which gave me the impression he wasn't happy about the fact I wasn't eating, but he didn't argue. "The car is out front. Let's go."

"Where are we going, Sir?"

"I have something for you." He commented as I pushed my chair back and rose from the table. His back was to me as he started towards the door again.

"Really?"

"A surprise. Something for your obedience."

My eyes widened in fear. Not from his surprise, but from the excitement I felt.



"Where are we?" I questioned as the car pulled outside of a shady motel. I couldn't understand what surprise he could arrange for me here. I didn't want to sound ungrateful, but millions of questions raced around my mind. Nicolo stepped out of the car, followed by two large guards and gestured with a wave of his hand for me to exit the car.

"Follow me, and you'll find out."

"Okay," I said. Curiosity was truly taking over. I got out of the car, and followed suit of Nicolo and the men. We briskly walked to room 5B and stood outside of it. The door was an ugly shade of worn out blue.

"Are we going to knock, or?"

Nicolo glanced at me, something sinister in his eyes as the corner of his lips twitched upward into a devious smirk. It frightened me. He was a sadist. What the hell did he have in store? Did he bring me here to kill me?

With one powerful, swift kick the door burst open. They hurried into the room, and I couldn't stop my feet from scurrying after them. Joshua scrambled up in bed, as his eyes adjusted to our intrusion. He had clearly been asleep. I frowned. This was my surprise? Seeing the piece of shit who didn't care about me?

"Joshua, Joshua, Joshua... you really think you could fucking hide out from me?" Nicolo said. His voice was louder than usual. He didn't yell, but the raised pitch caused Joshua to quiver on the bed with fear. "You see," Nicolo addressed me. "Joshua here hasn't been paying his debt. In fact, he thought hiding out was a good idea." Nicolo chuckled humorously.

"Clearly not an intelligent man." Nicolo shook his head with a grin on his lips. "Hold him." He ordered the men. They were on Joshua in seconds. He fought against them, but to no avail. He wasn't getting free from their grasps. They ripped him from the bed. Bringing him to stand a few feet in front of us. He wore pajamas.

"Selena," Nicolo stepped towards me. He lifted his hand and grazed my chin before running his thumb over my bottom lip. "Baby, my gift to you." He gestured with a dramatic wave to Joshua.

"I-I don't know what you mean." He wasn't serious. Deep down I knew what he wanted, but I wasn't sure I could go through with it. This was a man I had devoted myself to. Joshua and I had history, and even if it meant nothing to him it had meant something to me.

Are you fucking insane? If the roles were reversed and Joshua was in your place and you his, he would beat the shit out of you and smile proudly at his work. He doesn't fucking love you!

Nicolo waited patiently, which was new for him as I fought with myself. The longer I gazed at Joshua the more my blood boiled. That prick stole my freedom, my life! I kept seeing the sadistic smile on Joshua's face at my bloody face, and I snapped.

I hurled myself at him. My fist connected with his jaw over and over again. I ignored the pain in my hand, and kept pounding at his face. He squirmed but the men continued to restrain him as I pounded my fists against his jaw. His face was red, eye filled with blood, as well as his teeth, but my rage was consuming and I couldn't stop. I didn't feel the will to stop even as his right eye swelled shut. Even as his strangled cries filled the room, I punched him harder.

I didn't realize I was crying until my eyes were completely blinded by my tears. My frustrated cries filled the air, and with one last punch my hands dropped down to my sides. Joshua's face was horrific. Swollen, and bloody. Almost unrecognizable. I never knew I had that much power. That much rage. My hands shook down at my sides as I clenched them. I fell to my knees and sobbed.

"Take him away." Nicolo ordered, before I felt his arms wrapping around me. His lips were at my ear.

"I'm sorry, Selena." He whispered as I cried in his arms. The problem was, I wasn't sorry.