Avrora
"Oh my God, wow." Lorelai gasps when she walks into the hall and sees my wedding dress.
She just arrived. As she does work experience at the theater off campus on Thursdays, this is the first chance we've had to see each other. Normally she's at the theater until much later. But after the way I left campus yesterday with Anatoli, I knew she'd find a way to maneuver her schedule and see me.
My head is still spinning from everything that happened and my body buzzing with sexual heat. I don't even know if I can talk the way she wants me to because I haven't been myself since I hopped on Anatoli's motorcycle. It's like we rode into an alternate universe and my head is still stuck in the clouds.
Lorelai saunters up to me, gives me a quick hug then we both stare at my dress.
"That is gorgeous, Avrora." She brings her hands to her heart and smiles at me.
"Thank you. It really is gorgeous." Now I'm grateful I had Ehlga's help when we went to the bridal store. That day I wouldn't have cared if I'd got married in a trash bag.
Wedding dress number two is not designed by Vera Wang but it's more breathtaking than the previous dress I had. It's a beautiful, beautiful Lord of the Rings style Elvish gown that looks like it could have been made by the elves themselves in the film. Or like an angel should wear it.
It's hanging on the body of a mannequin in the center of the hall where it will stay until I'm ready to wear it next Saturday.
I came home from college about twenty minutes ago and saw it here-ready and waiting for me. The seamstress was here too and she explained the final plans for next week. Ehlga insisted on keeping the dress on the mannequin in here because it looks so good, and she didn't want the fabric to wrinkle. As this hall is mainly used to display the paintings lining the walls, she thought it would be the perfect place to store it.
"Your dress will be ready in a few days." I glance at Lorelai as she walks around the mannequin, lifting the light chiffon fabric. Hers will be a similar style but in burgundy.
"I can't wait." There's a bounce in her step as she comes back to me, and I swear she looks happier than when I was getting married to Mikhail. "Can we please talk now? I swear to God, Avrora, you could kill a girl with suspense."
My cheeks heat and I bring my hand to my head, biting back that same smile that kept trying to come out all day whenever I thought of Anatoli.
I'm like a silly high school girl with a crush on the most popular guy. I shouldn't be, because I still have to keep my head above water. It's just that last night was unreal.
"Well?" Lorelai prods, yanking my arm. "Tell me what happened. The clock's ticking and I have even less time than I had one minute ago."
We laugh, but there's a dimness in her eyes. She has an hour with me because she'll be going to a family dinner with the Konstantins. She's at that stage where her family and the Konstantins are trying to get close and do things together. As I haven't been anywhere for a while, I don't know if she's still seeing Zakh, but I assume she is.
"There was a lot."
"Okay, let's go talk." She links her arm with mine and we go outside to the terrace to sit on the bench.
I'm glad no one is out here and the closest guard is way across the garden, completely out of earshot.
When she looks at me with expectancy, I bite the inside of my lip and curiosity washes over her face.
"You slept with him, didn't you?" she asks in a quiet, but excited whisper-shout.
"Yes." I bring my hands up to my cheeks and she squeals a little too loud.
"Lorelai." I don't know why I'm telling her off but I feel I should.
"What? Leave me to be happy. And ignorant. It really is bliss."
I laugh and shake my head at her. "You are so crazy."
"Sometimes you have to be. It helps." She nods. "How are you feeling?"
"Strange. I know I'm not supposed to read into it, because it is what it is, and everything is still so bizarre, but part of me wants to slip away into ignorant bliss." I borrow her words.
"Why can't you?"
There are so many reasons, but I keep thinking about everything Mikhail said. "There were other things that happened yesterday that troubled me."
The hope I witnessed seconds ago slides off her face. "What else happened."
"Mikhail."
"What?" Her eyes bulge.
Quickly, I fill her in on the horrible parts of yesterday and the parts that left me torn.
"My God. I can't believe they were fighting."
"It was awful, Lorelai. I've never seen anything like it." My father kept me away from anywhere and any situation a fight could arise, so that was my first. "Anatoli looked like he was going to kill him, and the things Mikhail said were just terrible."
"I guess that's to do with the family secrets we don't know." She lifts her shoulders into a listless shrug.
"It must be. And I'm caught in the middle of it."
"What are you going to do?"
I look away from her and gaze at the roses in the garden as if they can help me.
The more appropriate question is where will my heart lead me. The worrying thing is, I already know the answer. My heart and body led me straight to him yesterday, but I'm scared. And there is too much uncertainty.
"I don't know Lorelai." My voice comes out in a gentle whisper. "I just don't know."
"Maybe you need to think about it a little more."
I turn back to her and shake my head. "There's nothing to think about. Anatoli isn't the kind of man you fall for, or even rely on."
We had fun last night and I don't regret it. I wanted him and I still do, but only a fool would entertain the thought of being with a man who's already told you who he truly is and what he's like.
"What if he could be?"
"No. I don't think he could. Anatoli is the rebel who could make you drop your panties with one look. He's darkness and wild adventure. The guy who can make your body experience things you never thought possible." Just talking about him makes my nerves scatter. "But he's the same guy who said he doesn't want kids-absolutely not with a Galitze, and he's going back to sea the moment he wraps this up. As in me, the wedding, and whatever else he's doing with my father and Scarfoni Inc."
And worse of all, there's Gytha. She keeps popping up at the worse times like a bad rash you can't get rid of, and I know they have something going on.
I haven't told Lorelai much about Gytha because I don't like talking about her.
"And Mikhail?" She holds my gaze with her pensive stare.
"Mikhail is stability guy. He's the cereal box husband. The guy I imagined having the house with the white picket fence and our kids playing in the yard with a big shaggy dog." One guy represents a stable future. The other doesn't. "But it's not like I have a real choice anyway. Next Saturday, I'll be Anatoli's wife no matter what I want." It feels like that's when the real battle will begin and I'll be even more torn between the two brothers.
"The wedding doesn't matter. You can choose who you have feelings for." She drags in a measured breath and straightens. "I agree Mikhail is stability guy but how do you feel about him after being with Anatoli?"
My shoulders sag like steel weights are attached to them. "Not the same." Yesterday I made a choice. As I made it I knew I was pushing aside the part of me who loved Mikhail. And it didn't feel wrong. "He said he wouldn't give up on me and that he would fight for me. What kind of person am I if I don't take that into account?"
"The normal, sensible kind." She smirks. "You can't base your decisions on your sense of duty to Mikhail."
"But it should mean something to me."
"Not if you don't feel it." Lorelai reaches out and takes my hand. "Remember what I said about one thing at a time."
I nod. "You're going to tell me the same thing again?"
"Kind off. I think it's different when it comes to what your heart wants." Her eyes become open with emotion. "I think you have to look at the things that are important to you and hold on to them. Even if you can't have what you want, or you have to hurt people along the way, you know where your heart lies."
Her words sink into me, opening my heart. But I know a sentiment like that can only come from someone who knows what they're truly talking about and has lived it. I look at her and think of all the times she's been there for me-which is every time I've ever needed her. Literally. Every. Single. Time. And I'm that friend who is always in need. Lorelai is always, always there no matter what time of day or night.
How many people can say that about their friends? I've been lucky to have her, but I don't feel like I've supported her in the same way. It's time to change that. It's time to be there for her. To be the shoulder she leans on and not the other way around.
Just like how she's always been there for me.