Chapter 37

Lucien

After several meetings with my attorney, the property transfer was finally done. I stared at the papers that lay on my desk, wondering why I didn’t feel any different. It should have felt good, knowing that I finally had what was mine. Chewing on my lower lip, I ran a hand gingerly through my hair.

Of course, I would feel like shit. Who wouldn’t? I had my half-brother locked up somewhere underground and I was supposed to rejoice that I finally got what he’d always wanted a share of. I wasn’t that coldhearted.

But goddammit, what was I supposed to do? Let him go and risk harm coming to my family? Especially now that there might be a possibility of a higher evil?

I’d never been this confused.

Xavier had mentioned just killing him and getting it over with. The thought had occurred to me, shamefully, but deep down I knew that wasn’t me.

How would I sleep at night?

“Everything okay?”

My eyes snapped up to see Elena walking into my study. A smile instinctively spread on my lips. Hers was a welcome distraction.

“As okay as being in danger can be,” I told her. “Where’s Sydney?” It was very rare that Elena could be seen without Sydney. They were as close as a nun’s legs.

“Somewhere.” She shrugged, walking to the same spot she always went whenever she was in my study; the bookshelves. “She’s not my shadow, you know.”

I’d noticed she liked to read as she was always picking up new books and returning old ones, just like now.

“Some might argue with that.”

She put back a hardcover into an empty space on the shelf and then scanned with her eyes for any book that would pique her interest.

Then she swung on her heel and met my eyes. “How are things with Mason?”

I had no idea what to tell her. Fine? Not fine? I had been extremely intentional about not divulging information to just anyone but I trusted Elena with my life. “Stagnant.”

One of her brows went high. “He’s not forthcoming?”

I shook my head, sighing. Needing to stretch my legs, I stood up and walked towards the window to look out around the villa. Things had been calm, serene, almost too peaceful. I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. He’d been here for almost two weeks. Why wasn’t anything happening?

“Do you need my help? I could get in his head, and see what he knows.”

The thought had occurred to me but I didn’t want to involve anyone who wasn’t already involved. This was between me and Mason. The more people that knew too much, the more dangerous it could get. I couldn’t let anyone else be collateral damage in my war. I cared about her too much.

“No.” I faced her. “It’s too dangerous.”

She smiled. “I can take care of myself.”

“I know.”

Elena held my gaze for the longest time until it began to get uncomfortable. I willed myself to look away but something held me firmly in place, like a magnet I couldn’t pull away from.

There was something swirling in her eyes, something akin to deep affection. I knew she cared about me just like I cared about her. For as long as I could remember, I’d always regarded her and Sydney as more than my security, more than my friends, almost like my sisters. This, whatever was happening, was foreign to me.

“Can you ask you a question?” she murmured, taking a step forward.

With my heart in my throat, I nodded. “Ask away.”

“Can I kiss you?”

It felt so wrong, her asking, me thinking about it. Everything in me yelled for flight, to get away from whatever mistake she was trying to make.

“Elena—”

“Shh.” She pressed a finger to my lips, halting my words. Her head moved from left to right and I realized then that she was keeping in place. Somehow, she’d gotten in my head and taken hold of my body.

I couldn’t move.

“I just want to borrow a kiss. I promise I’ll give it back.” She whispered, taking another step forward so that we were eye to eye. She blew out a breath and it hit me in the face.

Her body pressed against mine and my breath hitched. It felt so wrong. So wrong.

“What are you doing, Elena?”

“Making you see. I need you to open your eyes.”

“To what?” I couldn’t understand what she was saying. Where was all this coming from? “Stop this, Elena, before you do something we’ll both regret.”

She let out a laugh through shaky breath. “I can assure you. I will not regret tasting you. It’s what I’ve always wanted.”

Always wanted? Had I made myself blind to feel that she’d been harboring? I thought long and hard about if I had dismissed her feelings but for the life of me, I couldn’t recall any memory of where she’d shown me anything other than the affection we’d always shared.

“I’ve loved you for the longest time, Lucien. You would have to be blind to not know after all this time.”

I guess I was blind because I’d had no idea. “I don’t understand. I… How?”

A shadow passed her face and her eyes widened just a fraction. “You truly had no idea.” She murmured. ‘How did you not see it?”

“I didn’t.” It was the bitter truth. Did she love me? Elena? Calm, peaceful Elena? It was an inconceivable thought, that she had been in love with me all this time and I’d never gotten a whiff of it. It was either she had been really good at hiding it or I was just fucking dumb. Had Sydney known? Of course, she did. They were closer than best friends.

A part of me wanted to apologize, to assure her that I did love her, but not in the way she wanted me to while another part of me wanted to forget this was happening. Elena was one of the few people I could reply on and I feared what crossing this forbidden line would do to our relationship.

“I’m married, Elena.” I finally let out. Even if I wanted to, even if I did feel for her what she felt for me, there was no hope for us. I was Alpha of a pack and she was a seer. It was unheard of that a relationship would blossom from our unlikely union.

Her eyes watered and my heart squeezed. “Elena—”

“Don’t.” A tear fell, then two. She looked away. “Don’t pity me.”

“It’s not—” I made to move then remembered I couldn’t. “Let go of me, Elena so I can hold you.”

She snorted. “Your hands around me is the last thing I want right now.”

With all the strength in my body, almost to the point of letting out my wolf, I willed my mind to move. I felt my muscles stiffen then spasm and then I could lift a leg, then the other. A few moments later, I was in front of her. She recoiled from me, like a child running from the monster under the bed.

“She’ll never love you as much as I do.”

Her words were bitter, and heavy, her eyes lifeless. When she met my eyes again, it was all I could do to not reach over and shake life into her. “I care about you.” It was a weak attempt but an attempt nonetheless. It hurt me greatly that she was in pain and even more so because I was the cause.

“I have tried to get over you. I swear, I tried. But I couldn’t. I saw you every day and I kept wondering if you would finally notice me if you knew how I felt about you. You have no idea how hard it is for me to tell you this. When you got married, I was shattered. The thought of waking up daily and seeing you with her made me so angry, so mad. She took you away from me. I hate her so much.”

The Elena in front of me was different from the one I’d always known. This Elena was dark, bitter, and possessed an ominous energy. I didn’t like this Elena.

“Watch what you say. That’s my wife you’re talking about.” I was angry at her for ruining our friendship—because let’s face it, there was no coming back from this, at myself for not seeing it.

She laughed humorlessly. “I’ve come to the painful realization that there is nothing romantic about begging someone to love you. Since I can’t have you, I can’t bear to see you with someone else and so I can’t live here anymore.”

“Elena—”

“Goodbye, Lucien.” She sniffed, wiping under her eyes. Almost as quickly, she stepped forward and planted a kiss on my lips. I didn’t move, didn’t return the kiss, only stood there and let her have it.

When she stepped back, our eyes speaking where our words held no weight, I hoped she would read the plea in my eyes. It would hurt to watch her leave but I couldn’t stop her if it was what she wanted.

So I stood there and watched as she turned on her heel and headed for the door.

It was only when she got to the door that I realized that Olivia had been there watching us and she’d just seen Elena kiss me.