Twenty-Six: Chimia

I was *so close* to allowing Nero's capable hands to whisk me away to an imaginary land where I was just a girl in a dress dancing at a ball.

But just as the illusion was about to encircle me and give me a moment of peace, the fox demon spun me around and I saw Mal. For a second, I wanted to go to him. For half a second I thought he might be coming to me, but then he turned and I saw a flash of red hair and something primal, something not of me snapped in two.

Distantly, in the back of my mind, I recognized that seeing him with another woman, holding her close against him was humiliation like I'd never felt before. We had just been intimate in a way I'd never allowed anyone else to be with me. No promises were made--not spoken ones. After all, I was promised another, but I'd expected to have at least a handful of minutes to pretend that the demon god was all mine. Instead, our lust-filled visit to the balcony felt cheap and *silly*. Once again, the great big God and his great big ability to be a complete dick had lowered. Knocked me down until I felt like a child.

But there was more to it.

I had enough clarity of mind that I could finally separate the strange and intense feelings I'd been having for Malfizan from the rest of me. A switch had been flipped within me, and it gave me only two options: *fight or flight*. A vision so vivid I was scared I was living, I saw myself combust as I'd once done in the courtyard, melt the flesh from the bones of the woman, and destroy everyone in the tower. My body decided for me and propelled me from the room. I could *not* allow Malfizan to, yet again, derail me from the destiny I'd painstakingly set in motion not just for myself but my future children--every Nethi born after me.

I knew as I began that he would follow me, and I wanted nothing to do with him. So I pushed forward as quickly as I could without using magic for fear I'd spark an explosion just in doing so. I ran past the scandalized faces of my guests, of those waiting to get inside to lay eyes on their new Queen, and of the baffled block party attendees who'd begun crowding the streets just outside the palace gates. My legs carried me as far as I could go. As I ran, I ripped at my skirts, begging them to lighten me of my load.

Then all at once,

everything stopped.

The thing in me that had commanded me to run now commanded me to stand still and *wait for him.*

My mind played me a montage of the last weeks, every moment with him suddenly painted in new, more vivid, hyperpigmented colors. Every idiotic thing I'd felt for him, about him, around him even had been controlled by the invisible golden thread that held us together. As if simply because I knew it to be true, I felt the bonds of our tie grip my throat and begin to squeeze. It wasn't until he came to a stop in front of me that I allowed myself to begin breathing again. I was about to face an impossible challenge, torn in three by the wills and demands of my over-boiling power, our divine connection, and the explosion of wrath in my chest.

"Alchimia, come back to the ball," Mal begged me. His hand came to rest on my shoulder, and our bond revealed to me that he thought I'd realized what was going on but didn't know for sure yet.

*This is my only chance.*

I relaxed my features, twisted them into uneasy remorse, and reached my hand out for the fingertips of his free one. "Oh, please. You didn't need to come after me, Mal. Really. Please. I'm acting like a child." My eyes pleaded with him to lie and tell me that I hadn't.

His great, big arms posed to wrap around me, and as he did cast a charm on me. Malfizan closed his arms around a double of my body and went right through her, but I was gone before I had time to see his reaction. I weaved through dangerous, crowded streets as my ballgown burned off of my body and was replaced with a black hoodie and dark jeans. My bare feet took me to the edge of the city as chaos exploded behind me.

At the edge of Echelon, there were residences. I'd lived there for a bit when I'd first arrived and was playing a character and stayed in a loud but mostly harmless neighborhood. But this place was on the other side of Echelon's crescent-shaped walls, and it was like something out of a mortal village in the 1400s. The creatures there were living in abysmal poverty. Before walking out into the light I was able to change my features--lowered my height, muddied and dampened my hair and features, and sprinkled some wear and tear over my clothes. I walked slowly, with my eyes straight ahead, as if I'd not known a moment of rest in my life.

Just as I was beginning to panic that I had no real back story, a woman in a yellow dress with auburn hair appeared and brought with her a deafening blow to my temple.

The world went black.