36 - Ruin

I paused and turned, letting Luca catch up to me. “Really? Because it looks like you pretended to fight over me, then pretended to try to kill each other all to get me to choose one of you. Sometimes, I don’t even know what kind of person you truly are.”

“We didn’t pretend to fight over you. All of that was real. And okay, maybe we did pretend to try to kill each other, but I had a reason. A stupid one, I can see now.” He raised his hands as if in surrender.

“Oh, I’d love to hear this,” I gritted out. “I can understand why Sean would do something like this. He’s always been a jerk. But you? I thought you were different.”

“I’m sorry. I thought if you worried about what life would be like without me, then maybe you would consider life with me. It was stupid, and I can’t tell you how sorry I am for scaring you. It won't happen again. I just want you to see me, to know that I can be exactly what you need.”

I considered everything he’d said, the things he noticed about me, and I began to suspect Luca’s feelings ran deeper than he was admitting aloud. I understood how that could drive him to try desperate measures to get my attention. Although I didn’t agree with it, I understood.

“Make sure it doesn’t happen again,” I said.

“I promise.” Luca’s gaze held no deceit. “Do you forgive me?”

I sighed. “Yes. I do. But maybe not Sean.”

Luca smirked.

“Stop that!” I said.

“What?”

“Stop being happy that I’m upset with Sean.”

“Can’t, babe. It means you like me more. Why wouldn’t I be happy about that?”

I groaned. “You are something else.”

“I’m going to take that as a compliment.”

“You would,” I said sarcastically.

“I’m going to make this up to you,” Luca promised, his tone and gaze serious. “I’m going to do better, to be better. While I can’t force you to love me, I’ll do my best to be a man you can love.”

There he went again, saying things that melted me. “Can I tell you a secret?” I asked.

“Of course. You can trust me.”

Despite the crap he’d just pulled, I still did trust him. I trusted him not to hurt me … at least not intentionally. What he’d done was stupid, but he’d done it in an impulsive, desperate effort for me to realize that I didn’t want to lose him. And it had worked. Dang it. He’d had me worried about him, about never seeing him again, and something about this new understanding scared me.

“I’m afraid,” I said. “I know I act like I have it all together, and I’ve taken every punch that’s been thrown at me lately. But deep down, I’m afraid that I’m just going through the motions and that one day, this house of cards I’ve built will crumble.”

“Babe, you’re not building a house of cards; you’re building a fortress. But any fortress needs more than one person to guard it. You can’t do this alone. Let me do it with you.”

He made a solid argument. I couldn’t do this alone. But letting him in was too dangerous. Once I did that, all bets were off. I’d probably stop resisting entirely and just let myself be with him.

“I’ll think about it, Luca,” I managed.

“That’s all I ask.”

“Now I have to go have a conversation with Sean.”

“Poor guy. Your wrath is a force to be reckoned with. Is he going to survive?” Luca laughed.

“Maybe. That will depend.”

Luca turned serious. “I don’t like or trust Sean,” he said, “and I’m not just saying that because I’m jealous.”

“Are you?” I arched a brow.

“Am I what?” he asked.

“Jealous.”

He snorted. “If I thought he was any form of competition, I wouldn’t have asked him to join in that little ruse with the guns. I knew you wouldn’t pick him. You want me, even if you won’t admit it.”

He was right on both counts: I wanted him, and I wouldn’t admit it. A sly smile crept across my face. “You think so? You don’t think I’ll go have hot, angry make-up kissing with him when I confront him?”

“If you do that, I’ll shoot myself on purpose. I’m that confident you won’t.” He smirked. “But I dare you to try.”

I scowled. He’d called me on my bluff. There was no way I was going to kiss Sean, not even on the cheek.

“See? No competition,” Luca said, grinning. “I think it’s Alex I’m more concerned about. But only a little. I can charm your pants right off if I want to.”

My eyes widened at that, then they narrowed.

“Kidding!” He laughed, his dimples appearing and his green eyes crinkling. “I don’t need to charm your pants off. Someday, you’ll be begging me to remove them.”

My cheeks heated. Luca said the most scandalous things. “Well, I’m gonna go,” I said abruptly. “I need to talk to Sean.”

What I really needed was to escape Luca’s presence before I let my desires override my sensibility.

“Too far?” he said.

How could I possibly answer that honestly? I wasn’t offended, but if I said no, it would only encourage him to say things like that more often, which was asking for trouble.

“I just need to talk to Sean about boundaries,” I repeated, ignoring his question. “I’ll text you, okay?”

“Deal.” His easy smile returned, and I resisted the urge to touch his face.

Then I made my way back to the set. Sean was over by the drinks, talking on the phone. He hung up when I approached. “Fay.”

“What could have possibly made you think that was a good idea?” I demanded. “I know. You weren’t thinking.”

Sean, to his credit, looked abashed. “Fay, it was Luca’s idea.”

“Don’t shift the blame,” I said. “You were an active participant, so don’t act all innocent.”

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Let me make one thing abundantly clear for you. I will never go out with you. I don’t know why you haven’t accepted this before now, but it isn’t cute or romantic to pursue a woman who is not interested. Find someone else to fixate on and leave me out of it. From this point on, we will maintain only a professional, working relationship, and you will be okay with that. Do you understand?”

Sean paled more and more during my rant, but when I finished, he said, “Yes.”

“Good. Then let’s get on with the filming. I trust we can be civil for the remainder of productions?”

He nodded, and I turned to leave him. Then I noticed Luca watching from afar, a knowing look on his face as he mouthed, “Told you.”

Ugh. The man drove me insane, both in a good and bad way. I didn’t know whether I loved it or hated it. I both wanted his company and despised it. It didn’t feel like there was an in-between; it felt like there was an overlay.

Alex was simpler. There was nothing about him that aggravated me. He was easy to talk to, funny, and he was so talented. The art he’d sold me had brightened my beach house when I’d decided to take it home, and I loved gazing at the smooth lines and contrasting colors of the painting.

The photograph was a blown-up image of a bird sitting on a rock in a waterfall over a cliff. The water flowed around it with a white mist in the air, creating a halo around the beautiful bluebird. I had no idea how he’d managed to capture such a stunning image, but it had become one of my favorites.

At least with Alex, I knew things could be easy. With Luca, the same guarantees didn’t apply. I knew Luca had the potential to destroy me. He was able to both mend my heart and break it if he wanted to. That was a big reason I resisted. Although I was mostly healed, that didn’t mean I was ready to be hurt again. I didn’t think Alex could hurt a fly, but if I fell for Luca—and I was pretty sure I had—then one wrong move on his part, even by accident, could derail all the progress I’d made.

We continued filming, and I watched Luca in his role as the mafia boss. He was a talented actor for someone pulled off the streets for the role. He impressed me with his adaptability and his expressiveness.

As one scene ended, we locked eyes across the room again. We were always doing that, seeking the other out. His gaze bored into my soul, and I had a feeling he knew more about the feelings I hid than I did. I felt raw and exposed under his scrutiny, and I shifted from foot to foot. A knowing smile crossed his face, and he winked at me.

Turning away, I decided that perhaps I needed a drink. A strong one. Because that man was going to be my ruin, and today was not the day for it.