Granted, that was pretty woo–woo, but somehow I was getting used to the woo–ey thoughts swirling in my head that were becoming more and more prevalent.
His attention turned to me, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Branch touch his forehead to Aggie’s, whispering words to her as she held onto his shoulders, her face as soft as I had ever seen it. I smiled to myself, and then focused on Dash, who cupped my cheek with his hand and looked down into my eyes, right before he kissed my lips. Dash had kissed me thousands and thousands of times, but this kiss had been pure reverence.
And love.
I thought about how powerful love was and how it could give you courage you never knew you had. My love for Melitta had given me the strength to say, I’m not putting up with this treatment any longer. It was through the lens of love that I could finally see that I was tolerating and putting up with and not expecting more because it was the way I’d grown up, and I’d been conditioned to think that I didn’t deserve more. I’d been shown repeatedly that this was as good as it was going
to get.
Except when I realized I was bringing a new life into this world, I had an awakening. If I wanted more for my child, I would have to start demanding more for myself. Tolerating and putting up with and not expecting more were a thing of the past because I wasn’t going to set that example for my child. For the first time in my life, I was going to take up space and be seen, no longer willing to be invisible and to lessen myself.
My awakening had led me to Serenity. It had led to Dash following me here, and to the realization that we both needed to work on things in our lives and in our marriage.
I believed Dash said something stupid and hurtful at the gender reveal out of fear and not thinking at all. I didn’t believe some secret, suppressed desire for my sister had led to that horrifying comment. But most of all, I believed he had also come to understand how making the comment and doubling down on it being a joke had pointed to the bigger issue of me not feeling seen any longer by the person who I’d thought had finally seen me.
That stupid comment had awakened Dash, too, and changed him as profoundly as it had changed me. One evening as we sat on the porch talking, I’d apologized to my husband for mocking his fears and discounting them. He’d leaned over and kissed my cheek (my lips are a tiny bit lower, Dash!) and told me he understood why I’d reacted like that.
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“We’re both learning, Zin. But the point is, we’re learning, and we’ll be better for it.”
Now he stood in front of me, holding our baby and trying to stare into my very soul.
“Zinnie, my beautiful wife, you are the greatest blessing in my life. I want you to hear that and know it in your heart, and I’m going make sure you’re never in doubt of that again. I’m sorry I said things and acted the way I did, and I’m sorry that my behavior and words made you think you weren’t the very breath in my soul. Every day, I’m going to show you that I see you and I hear
you.”
That was all I ever wanted, but he was offering so much more.
“Zinnie, my blessing for you is to know how deeply you’re loved and cherished. By me,
but also by
everyone you meet. May you understand how special you are, may you understand the beauty you have to offer in that wonderful heart of yours, and may you be blessed with the family you deserve, a family that recognizes and appreciates all the gifts you have to offer and who gives you
back even more in return.”
He kissed me again, and this one was filled not only with love but with desire.
“I love you, Zinnia.”
Sometimes, the simplest declarations can be the most profound. It was in that moment that I knew Sunny had been right. The universe was big enough to hold all of our mistakes.
But it was also big enough to hold forgiveness and persistence and remorse and blessings…and so
much love the air was heavy with it.
“I love you, Dash.”
Sara Lili is a daring romance writer who turns icy landscapes into scenes of fiery passion. She loves crafting hot love stories while embracing the chill of Iceland’s breathtaking cold.