Chapter3
Find My Calm
Zinnia’s POV
Since early nights weren’t unheard of for me at this stage of my pregnancy, I thought I could use that as an excuse if I needed to end the call because Dash was annoying me. As a doctor, Dash should understand how tired a pregnant woman in her eighth month could get carrying around an extra three thousand pounds in her belly. Well, it felt like the baby weighed that much at times.
I called him, wondering if he’d answer since I’d left all of his texts and calls unread and unanswered. Was he really worried or was he now pissed off?
He answered on the first ring.
“What the fuck is going on, Zin?” he said by way of greeting. “Where the hell are you? I’ve been going out of my damn mind.”
“I figured you’d be so busy trying to get Iris pregnant, you wouldn’t even notice I was gone.”
Had the unakite taken possession of my mouth? If so, I was carrying some with me at all times.
“That’s not funny,” he snapped.
“So, it’s only funny when you say it? It was just a joke, Dash. Or was it?”
“I meant you disappearing on me.” Oh, I didn’t need to see him to know his jaw was clenched. I could tell from the way he was speaking.
“You said you weren’t going to move out and that was your final answer, so that meant I had to
leave.”
“Zinnia, enough’s enough. You made your point and now you need to get back home. I’ve had a long day that followed a sleepless night trying to figure out if you were OK.”
“I texted you that I was safe,” I said.
“That text told me nothing. It could have been someone using your phone for all I knew.”
“It was more than you deserved,” I shot at him. “What do you care if I’m safe? I’m just carrying a disappointing girl. You want my sister to give you a son.”
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“See? I told you she’d be immature about this,” my sister’s voice was saying in the background. “She never could take a joke.”
“You’re with my sister?” I practically yelled at my husband. “Seriously? And you’re just letting her say things like that about me?”
“Calm down. I’m at your mother’s. The three of us were trying to brainstorm where you could have gone.”
“Of course you were. Take me off speaker phone, Dash, and next time, tell me I’m on speaker. Or
better yet, don’t call me when anyone else is around.”
“OK, you’re off speaker,” he was saying.
“Go someplace away from them.”
“You’re being ridiculous.”
“You’re with my mother and sister after what happened yesterday. How am I being ridiculous at wanting some small sign that you have my back? Some miniscule sign and even that seems like
too much.”
“I do have your back,” he said, offended, and I knew that tore at him because he’d always promised me he’d have my back.
“Not from my point of view.”
1
I really needed to talk to Moonbeam to see what the heck she put into this unakite I was holding
because I felt…unleashed. If I was being honest, I liked that feeling.
“Zinnie, I’m really afraid you’re having some sort of episode…a hormonal reaction. You’re not acting right and I’m worried about you.”
“Oh, really? A hormonal reaction to you joking about getting my sister, your ex girlfriend from fifteen years ago, pregnant with a son? You do realize, I hope, since you’re a doctor and all, that it’s you who determines gender. And since when did you care what we were having? Since when was it a boy or nothing?”
“That’s not what this is!”
“Huh. Sure sounds like it. You couldn’t have made your disappointment more obvious if you’d tried. You didn’t smile, you didn’t hug me…but you joked about getting my sister pregnant and
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that sure as hell put a smile on your face.”
“It was a joke,” he tried again but for the first time, there was less assurance in his tone.
“Fine. It was a joke. Explain it to me so I can join in the laughter.”
He ignored that.
“Zinnie, come home. You running away isn’t going to solve anything, and I’m worried about you.”
“I don’t want to come home,” I told him bluntly and the second the words left my mouth, I realized how true that was. I felt protected at the commune, and Dash had lost his spot as my safe
place with that joke he’d made.
“Is she coming home?” I heard my sister ask.
“Really, Dash?” I snapped at him.
“She followed me outside,” he said, just as much irritation in his voice.
“And of course you can’t tell her to go back inside. Once again, you won’t do something I asked.
God forbid you walk away from her and tell her to back off. But we can’t upset Iris because she’s the perfect sister.”
“Zin, I’m not going to be mean to Iris just because —”
“If you want to be on her side so badly, then just be with her, Dash.”
“See, Zinnie? You’re proving my point. Your reactions are way over the top and I’m wondering if there’s something wrong with you, a chemical imbalance or something.”
“Because I’m mad that means I have to be having a mental breakdown? Because for the first time I’m standing up for myself makes you think I’m having some sort of…psychotic break as opposed to me just being sick and tired of always having to laugh at jokes that make me the punchline? That’s having an over–the–top reaction because I’m not letting you get away with hurting me and calling it a joke? I’m not allowed to call you out on on something that was so beyond painful that I can’t even describe how much it hurt me?”
“You’re getting so worked up that it can’t be good for the baby.”
“What do you care about the baby? She’s not your coveted boy. Save your concern for Iris’s son.”
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“Zinnie, just take a minute to calm down.”
“Let me talk to her,” I heard my mother’s voice say.
“Are you kidding me?” I asked, thinking Dash was still on the line.
“Zinnia, you’re acting crazy. You have a baby to think about and Dash has been worried sick. He
called me too many times to count last night to see if I’d heard from you or if you’d stopped by. I
finally had to send your sister over to your house to prevent him from having a meltdown.”
With that last bit of information from my mother, I discovered that some things were beyond the
power of unakite.
I’ve had a long day that followed a sleepless night…
I just bet it was a sleepless night with Iris over, but he sure as heck hadn’t mentioned his
overnight guest to me.
“Zinnia, are you there?” my mother was asking.
I couldn’t answer.
“You need to act your age,” she said sharply. “Dash is a good man and a good husband and you
need to stop being so sensitive and taking everything so seriously. It was a joke and you ruined
the entire party. I was so embarrassed by your behavior, and I’m tired of you always having to
make everything about you.”
“I have never made anything about me.”
“Then prove it and come home. We’ll focus on the good and talk about the adorable names we
came up with for the baby.”
“What are you even talking about?”
I heard a brief murmur of voices and then Dash was back on the line.
“What names, Dash?” I demanded.
“Nothing,” he said, trying to soothe me like the insane woman he thought I was. “Your mom called while Iris…was over and they were talking about names for the baby. Nothing’s decided, so don’t worry.”
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“Of course nothing’s decided because I wasn’t involved in the name conversations. They are not naming my baby!”
“Of course not. We are, Zin,” he said.
“Wrong again. I’m naming her since not one of you was excited about her being a girl.”
“I’m her father,” he reminded me. “We’ll name her together.”
“You know, I was having a good day. Calm. Peaceful. And then I made the mistake of calling you because some part of me stupidly thought I owed it to you to talk and let you know I was OK.”
He didn’t say anything because he was probably trying to decipher the tone in my voice.
“But then I found out my sister was over at our house with you all night; you, mom and your ex you want to impregnate were discussing what to name my baby; and then you’re back over at my mom’s today with Iris again. And to top it all off, you still won’t admit to the damage you caused with your little joke.”
“This is why you need to come home. So we can talk this out.
–”
“I’ll be happy to talk when you’re ready to admit you’re wrong, and I realize that may take quite a
while, so I’ll call you after baby girl’s born because you’re right — this kind of stress you and my family are putting me through isn’t good for me or the baby.”
I wonder if he realized that tone in my voice was done.
I ended the call while he was fumbling for a response.
Then I powered it off because I really, really needed to find my calm after that.
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Sara Lili is a daring romance writer who turns icy landscapes into scenes of fiery passion. She loves crafting hot love stories while embracing the chill of Iceland’s breathtaking cold.