Chapter 11 The vampire in the diary
18 - 07 – 93
I have my new space, opening near the Scala Theater, I can come and go whenever I want, and make love with Navil. She possesses me in front of the mirrors, over the bathroom sink, I give myself to her in every song, in every caress, every moment. When I think of Everth I feel that it is an incomplete space, melancholically even in my deepest dreams it has always reigned to share the dance with him and in that union and camaraderie rests the harmony. I believe that this passion distances us but I strive with impetus to return to him and I give myself with too much generosity before his hands and his body every night when I return home. I give all of myself, to Everth, to Navil, to the dance.
Today I remembered when I first wore my ballet shoes. They were a gift from my mother. I always wanted to dance ballet, but there was a flight among the birds that left me hours watching, admiring, full of bewilderment and curiosity. Contemporary dance with its own language, so free and rebellious has always caught my attention. I would dream of dancing contemporary dance with the best companies, go to London and study it at The Place. Going to London would allow me to escape from Milan, from the lies I tell Everth and Navil, the only moment when I am really free, honest, transparent, is when I put on my ballet shoes and start dancing.
Birdy thinks she wants to go to the UK. "I would like to try another style of dance besides ballet and dabble in contemporary dance. I would like to see that place where my grandmother wanted to study and escape classical ballet, and all that goes with it, the deception, the lies, the perfection, escape Paris. I would like to travel to London and visit THE PLACE, maybe be reborn away from my family, away from all this lie where I built my life as a ballerina, be reborn as a contemporary dancer."
She meditates on her life and the decisions that dance has made her make, her navy blue eyes dilate at her thoughts like a fierce beast in jealousy. At that moment in beaters Victor enters, kisses her with lust and passion, hugs her back and kisses her cheek.
\- How are you feeling?
\- Pretty good, this journal is now my refuge and favorite book.
Victor sits across from her and looks at the journal Birdy is holding in her fingers, with her long leather-colored fingernails, the journal lined in a flowered embroidered fabric is the size of a book of considerable thickness.
\- A diary?
\- It was my grandmother's.
\- You'd be surprised how much I've discovered about my family in the last 24 hours.
\- Great, we're starting to come clean.
\- I always have been - she admits sweetly -, my family... ummm - she grimaces with her lips turned pink and purses them -, I think my family has a different concept of honesty than mine, for them the truth is governed by what the comfort of the truth gives them to tell it, or not.
\- I like your concept better - Victor assures. He takes the towel from his locker and wipes his sweaty forehead, and the muscles of his sweat-drenched back.
\- And speaking of family, now that you bring that up, I wanted to talk to you about my family.
\- What's going on?
\- There's a new member in my family, and I'd like you to be the first to meet her.
\- Who is it? - Birdy asks and her voice becomes confused and nervous.
\- It's you. - He adds softly and kisses Birdy's cheek, at that moment he pulls a ring out of her hair.
\- Oh my God!
\- How did you do that?
\- The ring in my hair trick.
\- You want me to teach you a magic act, I'd rather you shared your magic with me. - Victor stares at her.
\- Birdy, will you marry me? - Birdy looks at the ring, at first with excitement, then looks at it with admiration and respect, as Victor probably planned a lot for her reaction at that moment.
She stares at him as her pupils seem to tremble, she blinks rapidly and her breath hitches, her golden blonde hair, now loose falls around her cheeks to her hips, Victor takes a lock of her hair and tucks it behind her ear, caresses her cheek gently. He moves towards her mouth and she kisses him intensely until her strength is lost and she feels the invisible wings that hold her by a kind of cloak when she is on stage, that hold her arms and make her dance unfold around Victor's body, then she wraps her hands around him and continues kissing him. He wants to be next to her forever, and she wants to stay there forever, being consumed by that kiss where Victor tells her how much he loves her.
Birdy stands up and Victor grabs her and pulls her to the lockers, holds her against his body and continues kissing her.
\- So, will you marry me? - Birdy smiles and looks at him as if she has no choice but to accept, Victor places the ring between her fingers. It is a beautiful ring with a diamond\-cut amethyst stone, probably as expensive as the jewel her mother married him with. Birdy looks at her hand complacently, she now wears two rings on it, her pearl ring on her ring finger, which belonged to her grandmother Ludwika, and her engagement ring, however she replies.
\- I didn't expect this, mon amor, I must think about it.
\- Okay - he looks at her perplexed, - you have all the time in the world - and smiles.