CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO

CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO
BLAKE’S POV

I woke up to the sound of loud crashing around me. Startled, I reached out across me on the bed, hoping to get Anthony and wake him up so we could escape the collapsing building, but my hand was met with air. Panic struck me and it took me a second to realize that the building was in fact not collapsing, and another to see the note that was stuck to the pillow where Anthony previously laid.

“Went to Anderson’s,” it read. “Couldn’t stand the noise. SYL.”

Right then, I heard another loud crashing sound coming from downstairs. It really did sound like a demolition was going on somewhere. Quickly, I got out of bed and went downstairs. The sight that befell me was astonishing.

“Oh, you’re awake. Good morning baby.”

Stella Carson-Lindell was standing in the living room with the brightest smile on her beautiful face, a gigantic hole in our ceiling right above her so that I could see into the first floor, the wall right beside the front door missing like it was never there to begin with. She was smiling at me and addressing me like she couldn’t see that our house was no longer complete.

“What the hell mom?” I asked in astonishment. She didn’t flinch at how loud and rude I was. Instead, her pearly whites showed more, and she came to hug me.

“I’m sorry for just doing this while you were still sleeping, but Anthony assured me that you were so deep asleep that it didn’t bother you. And he was right. You’ve slept through the whole thing for two hours straight.”

Strange men wearing safety helmets and neon vests breezed passed our living room with different tools. Two men were moving out the furniture that was kept on the first floor.

“How was your night, honey? Have you decided what you want to wear to your dance or do you want me to take you shopping?”

My look of utter disbelief and bewilderment was clearly not getting through to her as she kept acting like everything was alright and normal and like she did not just ghost me for almost a month. Her sudden appearance a few days earlier than what Bonnie previously told me was not in fact going to make up for all the time that she was away.

“Mom, what the hell is going on? Who are these people and why does our house not have a wall?”

Her brown eyes wavered, betraying her nonchalance. She knew she couldn’t ignore the glaring question for a long time no matter how badly she wanted to just jump over the fact that she abandoned me.

“I’m remodelling,” she replied, her voice going up a few octaves. I knew there was something wrong going on, right from when we had our mother-son lunch all those weeks ago. I knew she was going through something when she decided to remodel Crystal’s bedroom even though Bonnie just wanted a simple redecoration. I knew she was anxious about something when she ghosted me and refused to take my calls and reply my messages. I knew something was wrong, but I never imagined it was this big.

Stella Carson-Lindell was a stress-shopper/spender. You could always tell that something was bothering her when she went out and came back with loads of shopping bags from luxury stores. The bigger the bags, the more intense the stress was. But, when she switched from shopping and went to remodelling rooms, creating a game room for me, and even buying cars, it was obvious that her troubles were more than she let on. I didn’t question it because she made me believe that she would be fine. Now, looking at our missing ceiling and wall, I knew I shouldn’t have let her be.

“Mom, you just fixed the den upstairs 6 months ago. What’s going on?” I held her hand reassuringly and moved closer to her to let her know that I was on her side no matter what. Her issues seemed to be with my father seeing as they both haven’t been around for a while now and were ignoring me.

“I...” I could hear the crack in her voice when she opened her mouth to speak. She was conflicted with her emotions and her decision to let all her burdens on her 18-year-old son.

“Mom, it’s okay. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I don't know what to do, Blakey.” It was the first time in my life I had ever seen my mother cry. She never showed any sign of weakness, not even when she was taken off a court case she had worked her ass off for months to do. She was pissed and angry and also sad back then, but she accepted it with good grace without showing any signs of emotions. I had always admired her for being so strong, and sometimes her behaviour scared me, but I was glad in that moment to bear witness to her shedding tears.

“I don't know what to do if he decides to never talk to me again.”

Dad. There was no doubt that she was referring to my father. I knew he had something to do with this. The question now was why my father would never want to speak with the woman he loved the most in the world?

“What did dad do?” I asked over the sound of metal hitting metal. Being indoors while this reconstruction was going on wasn’t safe, but I was scared to move her in case she decided to crawl back in her shell and not tell me everything.

“That’s the problem. He didn’t do anything. It’s all my fault. I caused it. I shouldn’t have told him what was going on with me. I should have kept it in and not told him when he insisted. Now he’s sad and he’s scared to look at me and I’m worried he’s never going to forgive me.”

She started bawling then and the sound was strangely louder than the demolition. I pulled her close to me and hugged her while her small frame vibrated against me as she cried.

After a while she said, “I asked your father for a divorce.”

I froze, unsure how to move on from there. I wanted to pull her back and look her in the eye to see if she was joking, to confirm how serious she was with this statement, but just like my father who was scared to see her after she made such a request, I too could not look my mother in the eye.

Finally, my mother pulled back. She had somehow managed to wipe her tears away and looked calmer while a storm was brewing in my head.

I couldn’t possibly have heard her correctly, right? I mean, why would she want to divorce my father? They loved each other. They just threw a Halloween dinner together and they took the cutest pictures there. There was no way this was true, right?

“Sweetie, I’m so sorry for leaving you without any notice. I just couldn’t bring myself to face you after informing you that I’m the reason this family is breaking up.”

“Bu-but why? Wh-what... why? He...do...why?”

The questions I wanted to ask couldn’t be asked properly because of how befuddled my mind was. I didn’t realise I was crying until I tasted my own tears.

“Blake, baby, please don't cry. I’m sorry, but I just can’t do it anymore. There’s something wrong with me, I know that, because the reason is stupid and ridiculous and I know I don't deserve your father and that he’s too good for me. I feel like if I don't leave now, I’ll be suffocated down the line and I’ll hate myself and him even more.”

She only succeeded in adding to my confusion. She knew he was a good man. She knew my father loved her with all her heart and in her own self-centred way, she loved him too. I just couldn’t understand why she would want to leave him despite all these conditions.

Unless...

“Did you...did you cheat on him?” I held my breath as I asked that question. My whole body was stiff and I was cold as I awaited her response. Somehow, I felt like she did and I was scared.

When she shook her head no, I could finally breathe. It didn’t make it any better that my parents were separating, but at least my mother was not a cheat.

She was not like me.

I tried to not focus on my relationship and instead focus on my parents’ marriage. My father left because he couldn’t bear to be in the same house as she, the woman he loved with all his heart who suddenly decided she didn’t want to be a part of his life anymore, and as usual, he chose her over me.

I wasn’t mad at him for doing that. To be honest, I always admired him for how much he loved my mother. He cared about her with all his heart, sometimes even putting her needs before mine and his. I never once resented him for doing so, but now I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him.

He loved someone who didn’t love him as much. My heart broke for him.

My heart broke for Crystal.

I realized then, as the other side of the walls came crashing down, and my mother tried to console me and make me feel better about the possible ruin of our family, that I was just as horrible as she was. Here I was, dating Crystal while I secretly harboured feelings for her older brother. During the day, I craved his presence when he was not near me, and at night, I longed for him to make the tiniest move in my direction so I could use that as an excuse to touch him and kiss him. At least my mother didn’t cheat.

“I know I’m a horrible person and I don't deserve to be with him, but I cannot live with the thought that he doesn’t love me anymore despite the fact that I’m the one that wants a divorce. I don't want your father to hate me, Blake. Call me selfish, call me a bitch, but I don't want to be with him, neither do I want him to hate me and be with someone else. That’s why I’ve been so stressed out. I’m crazy, I know.”

I didn’t respond to that. I had no idea how to respond to that. She was crazy and she was selfish and by all right, she was a bitch, but I wasn’t going to tell her that. I wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of agreeing or denying her claims. My silence was enough to make her hate herself even more.

“Sweetie...”

I didn’t listen to her when she called me but continued heading outside. The air inside was suffocating and I was finding it hard to breathe.

I couldn’t continue dating Crystal, not when I was being unfaithful to her. I may think that what my mother was doing to my father was cruel, but it was best to let him go instead of making him cling to false hope. I was way more horrible, and no matter what I’ll still be a terrible person, but I wasn’t going to continue deceiving her anymore.

I headed towards the Pearces house beside mine, determined to put a stop to my relationship with Crystal.

“Just the person I wanted to see,” Bonnie said as soon as I rang the bell and she opened the door. She was glowing, so happy and ecstatic it seemed like she was high. I bet she knew the reason why my mom left in the first place which was why she kept trying to console me and make me see reason with her. Moms did tell each other everything after all.

“You have no idea how glad I am it is you, Blake. Oh! I could just about cry from the sheer happiness of it all.”

I had no idea what she was saying, but I didn’t want to wait around to find out. Bonnie was just as crazy as my mom and they both said weird things that made absolutely no sense whatsoever.

“Is Crystal home? I need to talk to her.”

She squealed – that’s right, a grown woman did that – and playfully punched me on my shoulder.

“He can’t even hide it anymore. Oh, to be young and in love. I’m so jealous of you guys right now.”

I was still staring at her in confusion when Crystal came around. She was housing a sheepish smile and she refused to look me in the eye. Finally, after all the staring and coercing with my eye balls, Bonnie said, “Crys just told me the good news. Frankly, if you had said you were dating earlier, I wouldn’t have minded at all. Better you than any other guy. Quick question: what are you wearing to the dance?”

I almost died.