Book 3: Chapter 71: Seth

Book 3: Chapter 71: Seth
Seth

I hadn't even noticed I dozed off next to her until I was awakened by her sudden movements. I pulled her tighter to me and began rubbing what I hoped was a soothing gesture. She had woken up briefly when I had laid her down on the bed, but she could barely keep her eyes open. Just a mumbled "stay" had left her lips as I had taken off her favorite combat boots before tucking her in and climbing into bed next to her. 

She wrenched herself from my grip, and sat up, breathing hard. 

"Lexy?" I asked as I propped myself up on my forearm. 

She turned toward me, her eyes wide and wild, filled with fear. 

"It's me, Lex. It's me." I told her gently. 

"Wh-what are you doing here?" 

"You asked me to stay when I brought you back and tucked you in." I tell her, a little more concerned that she didn't remember. 

"What?" 

"You fell asleep at your desk, remember?" 

I see the moment the lightbulb goes off in her head. "You were reading to me, and I fell asleep." 

I gave her a slight smile, reaching up and brushing an errant strand from her face. "Yes. You were tired." 

She nodded, and my heart hurt a bit at the sight. "I was." She admitted. 

"Bad dream?" I asked, cupping her face in my hands, noting how sticky she felt. 

"Yes." She breathed, leaning into my touch. "I don't sleep well." 

We had never talked about her particular struggle, even though everyone in our group knew. She had had nightmares even before she had been banished. Killing people, even when they would have killed her, had never been something she handled well. 

“Is there something I can do to help?” I ask gently, pulling her into me. 

“Mmm,” She sighed, her breathing evening out. “I don’t know. I usually just go for a run.” 

I laughed. “That is very you.” 

She smiled slightly. “Well, if I can’t sleep, I might as well be productive.” 

“You don’t have to be productive all the time.” I told her. “I have another idea for what we could do at this ungodly hour.” 

I nip at her ear, then kiss her neck, agonizingly slow. 

“That’s – tempting, but I really shouldn’t,” She tried. 

“And why not?” I asked, not stopping. 

“Because.” 

“Gonna have to give me a better reason than that, darling.” 

“Seth,” It was supposed to be a warning, but came out as a moan, and I would do anything to get her to say my name like that again. 

“There are kids in the other room. This is a tent.” She tried again. 

I sighed. “Fine. But that excuse can’t work forever.” 

“Sure.” She responded with a giggle as she rolled off the bed. A giggle that I could listen to my whole life after hearing her scream in her sleep. "You should get some more rest." 

"If you're up, I'm up." I said, but I wished it wasn't true. I wished to crawl back into bed and not move for several more hours. Maybe even a whole day. She hadn't been sleeping lately, and that meant I hadn't been either. "What's first on the docket?" 

"A run and then sparring. And then we have to lead a session, and then we have a meeting with Alex," And on and on she went with the day's plans, but I was focused on one thing. She had said we. Like those were our plans. Like she knew I wasn't going to let her out of my sight. Not after what had happened during that meeting with the council. The council that very much didn't trust her and wanted her dead. The one that we had failed her in. But I wouldn't allow that to happen again. Where she went, I went. 

"You forgot meals in there, love," I pointed out when she finally finished. 

She looked taken aback, but said, "I didn't plan them in because I don't know exactly where they'll fit. I'm hoping to have time after sparring before leading training." 

"That feels risky." I told her gently. "I'm not sure I'll function well on no food like that." 

I knew if I told her she wouldn't function well either, she would completely shut it down, but I knew her still, even after all this time. I knew if I said, I couldn't she would plan it. She wouldn't let me starve. Not the way she'd let herself, if I allowed it. 

"Fine. We'll get breakfast at least after our run, but lunch we'll figure out later." 

"Sounds good." 

I came up behind her, and tugged on her hips, so she was forced to face me. "We don't need every minute of our day packed, love." 

"It won't always be like this." She breathed. "Right now, there's just so much to do. One day though, we'll be able to slow down." 

"I want to live in the now." I told her, memorizing the way her lips pursed, like she wanted to live in my little fantasy. 

"What happens in the now?" 

She sounded so breathless, so needy. I didn't give her the opportunity to think anything else. Especially once her gaze flicked to my lips. 

I just kissed her. As desperately as I had wanted to since the day she'd come back. It was the most that she had responded to me too. Her own body moved with the same desperation as my own. My hands slid under her shirt, her hands wrapped around my neck, skimming through my hair. 

"Wait, no." She pulled away, gasping for air. "We can't. We shouldn't." 

I sighed. "Didn't you miss me, Lexy?" I crowed. 

"Every day, Seth." She admitted. "But this isn't just about us. It's so much bigger. It's not that I don't want you... I do. But I can't be who you need me to be."  

"You don't have to be anything you're not," I murmured against her ear.  

"Then let's go for a run and prove it to me."