CHAPTER 47: IT ALL FALLS APART

Grace.

To say things have been crazy over the past few days is a complete understatement. I still couldn’t quite wrap my mind around everything that happened. To think there was a shooter at Roseforce was insane. I’m glad I hadn’t been there but felt bad that such a thing happened to begin with. I even felt bad for Myla over what happened. I’m not a cruel person by nature, just overly competitive. Also, when I wanted something there was little anyone or anything could do to stop me from pursuing that want.

Others be damned.

Don’t get me wrong. I actually liked Myla as a person quite a bit. She’s sweet. Honest. Also, there’s a sort of…innocence to her that I felt most people connected to. The only problem? She had Fabian's heart and that was currently the very thing that I wanted. The fact that I couldn’t have him only served to drive that need even deeper into my brain. It became a strong urge. Almost a need, really.

Chris, of course, didn’t make anything easier. Things with him only grew worse. We haven’t even had sex since that night I fantasized he was Fabian. Truth be told, I could barely look at him. And whenever he touched me, all I felt was revulsion.

“Just leave,” he told me one night. It was maybe two or three nights after the sexual encounter we shared. There was guilt and shame for putting him through all this pain and (most likely) humiliation. A man’s confidence was heavily rooted in being able to please and satisfy the woman he was with. Chris, unfortunately, couldn’t even come close. The only way I could even have an orgasm anymore was to pretend I was fucking someone else.

God, I felt like a whore just thinking that inside my head. But I couldn't deny the truth any longer either. Doing that, only felt like I was hurting myself deep inside. If I kept doing that, there was going to come a point where the damage I did to myself would be so extensive, I wouldn't be able to tolerate it anymore.

Should I just leave him? I was about to. I really think I would have to. But then everything got muddled up with Fabian getting shot and now, a shooter coming after him and Myla at Roseforce. Chris had found out about everything. There was really no way he couldn’t. The story had been all over the news for several days. Fabian getting shot had even gone viral across most of the major social media channels. When the attack happened, it blew up all over again.

“You shouldn’t go into work today,” Chris said, his voice breaking my inner thoughts.

I looked up at him, my hands wrapped around a hot mug filled with coffee. Next to the mug was a toasted bagel with some cream cheese on it.

“What?” I asked, my voice distant and far away.

“Of course you didn’t hear me,” he muttered.

Irritation and annoyance flared up inside me. He was always like that these days. Every little thing just set him off. It was like trying to navigate a minefield but no matter what I did, my foot always found one and bang! Explosion.

“Don’t mutter,” I snapped. “If you have something to bitch about, be a man and speak up about it. You sound like an annoying child, Chris.”

It was harsh. Of course I know that. But how in the world would anyone not get irritated by this grown-ass man muttering shit under his breath like that? Seriously.

“You know what? Never mind, okay? Sorry I tried to engage my own wife in conversation or trying to see that she’s safe,” he shot back. His eyes narrowed angrily at me and I could see one side of his nose start to twitch up and down, like a Goddamn rabbit. He did that whenever he got really pissed. At first, it had been sort of cute and I would tease him relentlessly about it. Now, however, it just made me want to slap him across the face.

“Is this how things are going to be for us now?” I asked.

“I was trying to tell you to stay home today for your own safety. You were the one snapping back at me.” He rose from his chair in our breakfast nook and shot me a dark, angry look. “Do whatever the hell you want, Grace. I really don’t give two shits anymore.”

He grabbed up his dishes and walked away from me. A few minutes later I heard them cluttering and clanging in the sink. Then the water started to run as he rinsed them off. After that, he stuffed them into the dishwasher.

He didn’t say anything else. Instead, he simply kept his back turned to me and stalked off. I figured he probably headed toward his home office but I couldn't be sure and if I’m being brutally honest, I couldn't give two shits either. That’s what I felt where Chris was concerned. Not anger. Not sadness. Not bitterness.

Complete and utter apathy. A total lack of…caring.

I finished my bagel and my coffee, rinsed my dishes off, and then put them into the dishwasher next to Chris’. I shut it and then went about my own business, barely giving Chris another thought.

****

As soon as I got up to the main floor of Roseforce, I went straight to Fabian’s office. It was closed and as I got closer, I watched Adrianna rise from her seat and position herself in front of the closed door. There was a questioning, inquisitive look on her face but something else lurking in her eyes.

Cautiousness.

Did Fabian say something to her about me?

“Mrs. Steyner,” Adrianna said pleasantly enough I suppose. “What can I do for you?”

“Grace is fine,” I told her, hoping that would help ingratiate myself with her at least a little bit. “Is Mr. Ness in? I would like a word with him.”

“He is,” she replied, still with that cautiousness. “Please wait right here. I will see if he is available for a meeting. He is quite busy, especially considering everything that’s happened.”

“I understand,” I replied.

She didn’t say anything back but instead, she opened the door to Fabian’s office and went inside. I couldn't hear anything from inside but just a few seconds later, it opened again and she returned. That was a truly unfortunate sign. It meant, of course, that he was still dismissing me. So that was it then? I wouldn't even get a fighting chance with him huh? He was so heavily enamored with Myla that he wouldn’t even consider doing anything with me. Instead of that making me furious, it only served to make me want him even more. That made me feel incredibly stupid.

I was a fucking cliche.

Never thought I would end up being the girl that wants an unattainable guy and wants him even more simply because he has zero interest in me. Would that change if he actually did start to show interest?

I was pretty sure that wasn’t the case. For the most part.

“Mr. Ness informed me that if you need anything regarding work, to reach out to COO Barry Parker. He will be able to help you with whatever you might need. If this is of a more personal nature, he is not available to you.”

Her voice was crisp and businesslike. It was also firm. I thought about trying to fight her and storm into his office anyway. In the end, I figured the only thing that would do is drive him even further away from me than he already was. I mean, the man refused to even speak to me. What did I do that was so fucking horrible? I made my move on him and got shitty with the girl he was currently enamored with. Was that really all that bad?

Judging by the way Fabian avoided me like I had the plague, I guess it really was that bad.

“I…” My voice failed me for a moment as I wrestled with all my internal emotions. “I understand. Thank you,” I said once I regained my voice.

Then I walked away.

A burning, stinging sensation started to fill my eyes as they teared up but I refused to let them fall. I was not going to cry about this. That would be insane. Instead, I turned that sadness and pain of being rejected into hatred. Boiling, sizzling hatred.

I went to my office and sat down, staring out the window in a daze. The emotions inside me were overwhelming. Too overwhelming. Work seemed laughably out of reach so I decided it was a good time to maybe take a break down at Beanery. Maybe get another coffee or just sit there and contemplate things for a few.

Just as I was leaving, I caught sight of Fabian out of the corner of my eye. He didn’t see me mostly because he was headed away from me. From the direction he left, it was clear he was going toward Myla’s office.

Of-fucking-course.

Where else would he be going? He was stuck so far up her ass, I was surprised he could even separate himself from her. What was it about the woman that drove men like Fabian to such drastic levels of obsession? She wasn’t anything special. In fact, she seemed like nothing but an awkward, even immature, little bitch.

She didn’t deserve him.

I tried to ignore the sweltering heat of anger inside me and instead focused on putting one foot in front of the other. I had to get the hell out of there. Even being in that office only served to remind me that Fabian was currently with Myla and not me. I thought about finding Sophia and perhaps dragging her with me, just so I could instigate more conflict between her and Myla, but decided against it. The last time we were together, she’d been less-than-thrilled with me. The attack on Myla had switched the polarity of her feelings toward her. At least, I was pretty sure they had. The thought of potentially losing her friend had made Sophia just completely forget about all the shitty things Myla had done to her.

I got to the elevator and took it down to the lobby. I made my way over toward Beanery, got myself a coffee, and sat down. To be honest, I was there for quite a long time. I didn’t want to be at home but I didn’t want to be up there either. Both places felt abhorrent to me and just the thought of being in either one made me cringe inwardly.

What was I going to do?

I loved my job. Immensely. I was exceptional at it. Not just good, mind you. Exceptional. It was exciting and thrilling (well, it usually was when my mind wasn’t taken up by my shitty homelife and thoughts of screwing my boss). It challenged me but in a good way. It made me stronger too. I didn’t want to quit but I also didn’t want to constantly have Fabian’s and Myla’s relationship flaunted right in front of me on a daily basis. I shouldn’t have to worry about that much longer, true, but the idea of Fabian leaving back to Golden Time felt equally unpleasant. Then I would most likely not see him for a very long time.

I took another sip of my coffee, absently staring at the liquid inside. It glimmered with the lights coming from overhead.

I sat there in a daze for a good chunk of the workday. People came and went but I didn’t notice them at all. Zac tried several times to engage in small talk but I barely responded to him and eventually, he just left me alone. I was grateful for that. Company and small talk sounded extremely unpleasant. What I really wanted to do was sulk to myself and lament my failure with Fabian. It was petulant and made me feel like a spoiled brat, but knowing that in the rational part of my mind did nothing to stop me from having those feelings.

It is all falling apart, my mind whispered to me.

Then the chair directly opposite me squealed against the floor as it got dragged out. I looked up, wondering what callous fool thought it was a good idea to approach me. As soon as I realized who it was, my heart skipped a few beats.

It was Fabian.