CHAPTER 42: SOPHIA'S BACK

Myla.

It’s been three days. Three days since George killed himself. Most of that time had been spent in the hotel by myself. Due to what happened, Fabian elected to shut down Roseforce for a few days. An office-wide, internal memo went out to every single employee of both companies in case they needed to talk to someone. The therapy would be completely paid for by the company, according to the memo. Once the offices opened again, there was a solemn and extremely subdued atmosphere. There were barely any conversations and people seemed to have a hard time even looking at each other.

I couldn’t stop thinking about it all. If there was anything fortunate about what happened, it’s that the shooter only came after me and Fabian. No one else got hurt or was even threatened. That didn’t mean it wasn’t extremely traumatic though. The faces I saw as I walked into the building were more wary and grim than I’d ever seen anywhere in my entire life before. Not only that but everyone’s eyes were constantly darting all over the place and the leisurely walking paces of most people had turned into unconsciously hurried steps. It was like everyone I looked at was five minutes late for the most important meeting of their lives. The police presence didn’t help much either. They were meant to help bring a sense of added safety to the building (them and the extra security guards all over the place), but I don’t think they were very successful. At least, they weren’t with me. All their presence did was remind me of the event I was trying very hard to forget.

“There she is.”

“She okay?”

“I wonder what really happened.”

“I heard she drove the guy crazy.”

“I thought she didn’t know him?”

Those were also hard to ignore. The hushed whispers. The rumor mill firing itself up to spread and release twisted versions of the truth throughout the whole company. I wasn’t surprised everyone would be talking about it. It was only natural. If it hadn’t happened to me, I would be one of the whispering people, trying to make sense of a truly horrific event happening so close, but not quite, to me.

I just wish it wasn’t about me.

Every rumor that found its way to my ears was just another reminder that someone had pulled a gun on me. I could have died and probably would have if it hadn’t been for Fabian. His quick action, and George’s quick action (which still really baffled me), were the only reasons I was still alive right now. And knowing that, and understanding that, made it very easy to feel guilty for what George later did. Killing himself? I know things were very bad between him and Fabian. He had even framed me for embezzlement, but I would’ve forgiven him. I mean, he was instrumental in saving my life. That had to count for something right?

I felt a hand on my shoulder suddenly and I nearly jumped out of my skin. It wasn’t even gripping me tightly. It just rested gently on me, almost as light as a feather.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to…uh…scare you.”

I turned around and found Sophia looking at me. A weird, crappy silence hung between us for a long time. I didn’t like that silence. In fact, I absolutely detested it. She was my best friend and I couldn’t even talk to her. Our fight came back to me just then, like some kind of PTSD flashback. It blinked into existence inside my head and refused to leave. The gunman attacking me was like that too but that made sense at least. The flashbacks of my fight with Sophia didn’t feel like they should be on par with that. Right? God, they did make me angry though. Sophia brushing me off so coldly. Her walking off with Grace. It didn’t stop there either. That flashback out automatically led into another one I hated even more. Grace in Fabian’s hospital room. Grace sitting on his bed. The look in Grace’s eyes.

Then those memories would lead to a whole other flashback that I was still trying to bury (although not quite as hateful as the other ones considering it involved Su). My guilt strings twinged a whole bunch whenever I thought of her. I’d seen her a few times in passing at the hotel, mostly out of the corner of my eye. I went the coward’s route and decided to pretend like I didn’t know her. It made my guilt strings twinge even harder but I didn’t know what else to do and confronting her with the truth, that I wanted to make things work with Fabian, felt so hard to do that even the thought of it sent ripples of icy fear through my whole body.

Sophia took a step back from me. I forced all those difficult emotions and thoughts out of my head for the moment. I was fairly successful. They were still there, lurking like some kind of predatory creatures ready to leap on me whenever I let my guard down, but for now I could focus on what was in front of me.

My best friend.

“I’m…”

Well now. Wasn’t that interesting? It looked like I wasn’t the only one who couldn’t get what they wanted to really say out of their mouth.

“What do you want, Sophia?” I asked. My voice was intended to be sharp but not quite that sharp. Probably the stressors of the past few days were coming out unintentionally, but at the same time, still sort of intentionally in my voice. Having a gun in my face, watching a guy get killed, talking to the police for hours on end, and all sorts of other unpleasant things sort of catch up with you at some point I suppose you could say.

“I…” She paused again, still unable to talk. That felt really weird to me. Sophia was never at a loss for words, even when she probably should be. This unsure, uncertain, and timid version of her was actually quite…unsettling.

She took a deep breath, steadying herself I could only assume.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” she finally blurted out.

I wanted to shout back at her that I was definitely not okay, but I had to admit, she was trying at least. It must have been hard for her to make the effort. But it seemed she wasn’t done yet. As soon as those words came out, it was like a dam breaking. She started to cry harshly and she blubbered out words that I could barely understand through all her tears.

“I’m…s-s-s….rry….What…out…you. I…hate…I…was…bitch!”

The way she completely broke down, in its own way, felt harder to experience than being threatened at gunpoint. Almost. Okay, maybe nowhere close. But at the very least, it was very, very, very awkward. Here was someone that I don’t think I’ve ever seen cry. She was the definition of a “badass bitch.” Nothing ever seemed to faze her.

Except now I knew that wasn’t true.

As tough and nonchalant Sophia pushed herself to outwardly be to others, it appeared there was a soft, gooey inside of her after all.

“It’s okay,” I ended up saying. I know, I know. Maybe I was all goo on the inside too. But I couldn’t help it. She was crying. A lot. And she really did look sincere. “I’m safe now. Everyone’s safe now. Don’t worry.”

I didn’t care that we were getting some looks from others (which is weird for me considering that I get hyper-paranoid about people staring at me). I grabbed her and pulled her in for a hug. Who am I? Who was this person? I know it was me, but man, I felt so much more…I don’t know…empowered I guess? It wasn’t exactly confidence I felt. It was more like I was better able to do things that would have been hard even as little as two months ago. Hugging my friend without a care in the world was up there. Fabian and everything I’d done with Fabian was also up there (although definitely higher on the list than hugging Sophia in the middle of the lobby).

“There were…were…so many…sirens…and police,” she continued, still wailing. “Then…I…heard…heard…y-you…”

Her voice went completely out then and I felt her body start to shudder. It took a long time, for both of us really because at some point, I started to cry too, but eventually we got hold of ourselves and we were able to talk more clearly. She apologized again. As we reconciled, I really wanted to ask her what even happened and why she’d been angry with me in the first place, but it didn’t feel like the right time to bring that up. Also, I was sort of scared asking would just piss her off again. I didn’t want to risk that.

“I’ve tried to go to your hotel the last few days, but every time I got to your door, I would just bitch out and run away. I was such a cunt to you, Myla. When I thought you might have been hurt…or…or…you know…worse…I wanted to die myself.” Her eyes were all puffy and red now and she kept wiping her nose with a tissue. At some point, we moved our conversation over to a table and chairs at Beanery Row.

“None of that matters anymore okay?” I said. And yes, I actually meant that. When you come face to face with the possibility of being killed, you gain a much more forgiving attitude. At least, I did and despite being admittedly sharp with her at the start of our conversation too. Plus, and I can’t stress this enough, I didn’t want to reignite the anger she’d been feeling before.

“Okay,” she sniffed. She dabbed once again at her tissue.

My phone chirped at me and I practically scrabbled at it like a madwoman in an effort to pull it out of my purse. I hoped it would be Fabian but when I unlocked my phone, I saw it was just another company-wide memo. Another one about grief counseling services this time. I felt a crushing weight fall on my shoulders.

It still wasn’t him.

“What’s wrong?” Sophia asked. She was starting to look more like her usual self now. Her face was still a bit flushed and her nose was redder but she’d stopped crying.

I hesitated again, wondering if I should tell her what’s really been going on with me. I don’t know if I made the right choice but after seeing her complete breakdown, I decided that as much as I liked what Fabian and I had, Sophia was practically family. I couldn’t keep her out of the loop anymore.

So I told her everything.

Every last bit too. Even what happened with Su.

When I say she was shocked, that is understating things by a lot. The longer I talked (which due to the fact that we had to go to work soon, I condensed), the more her jaw seemed to go slack. She was like one of those cartoon characters made real. If it had been a cartoon, some small mouse-type creature would’ve come out with a mechanical crank to attach to her lower jaw and face to wheel the bottom part back up so her mouth would close. The thought was just silly enough to almost make me giggle. If things weren’t so serious, I probably would have.

“Let’s go,” Sophia said, butting in when there was a gap in my retelling of the past month or so. I wasn’t done yet, I had just needed to breathe. “We’ll finish this in our office where we can be more private. And then you can tell me everything again, but this time, with a lot more details.”

She said this in a serious tone but there was a gleam in her eye that reminded me of the old Sophia. The Sophia who was my best friend.

“And when I say a lot, I do mean a lot.” She paused and looked me in the eyes, that gleam still there but a deadly seriousness to her face. "I want to know every last detail."