CHAPTER 40: GEORGE TELLS ALL - PART 3

George.

From the journal of George Miller Clarke.

September 16, 2024

I think this will be my last journal entry. I’m pretty sure everything is going to catch up to me sooner or later. I feel it is only a matter of time before all the clues lead straight back to me. What am I supposed to do now? The good thing is that I’m pretty sure there won’t be criminal charges. Fabian already said he wasn’t involving the cops in regard to the money I stole. I still can’t quite believe that. It was a lot of money. If it were me and Fabian stole that money, I wouldn’t hesitate to have his ass locked up.

But that’s a whole different thing I suppose.

I’ll get back to the heart of the matter. Plan B.

Okay. Truth time. There was never really an official Plan B. I guess you could say, things just sort of lined up in my favor. At least, that’s what I thought when I walked into Roseforce that day. It was maybe thirty minutes before Doug entered the lobby and probably about an hour before all that horrible shit went down. I don’t think I could have planned things to go down the way they did on purpose. That’s how weirdly coincidental everything that happened went down. I mean, what are the chances of me being there at the moment Doug finally snaps for real? I mean, I was the one that told him Fabian and Myla fucked each other, true, but who knew he would’ve taken it to that level? I thought he would just, I don’t know, threaten Fabian again or whatever.

The first time Doug did that, was kind of…well…my idea. It was just another nudge but the guy actually did roll with it. At that point, the plan was to be petty and get a bit of revenge on my former friend. I thought pushing Doug to fuck shit up with him and Myla was a great way to achieve that goal.

Again, things got out of hand.

Would I go back and change what happened? Probably not. As much as it sickens me that this crazy fuck Doug tried to hurt that many people, I think scaring the hell out of Fabian was worth it. If there is one good thing I got to take away from this shitstorm it was definitely seeing that fear in Fabian’s eyes. I admit, the man handled himself well with a gun in his face (and after being shot already on top of that), but that fear had still been there. I saw it. It makes it almost worth it.

But then I realized a few things from my hiding spot.

The first and probably the most important thought I had was that I might be able to do something…heroic I guess you could say. The heroism was 100% for selfish gain but Fabian didn’t need to know that. Only I would know that part. If I was able to get the drop on Doug and save Fabian, he would have to take me back.

Right?

The second thing I realized was that it would probably benefit me in the long run either way to appear to be a hero. There would be people praising me. People telling me I was a hero. That I was a good guy. All that worshippy-type stuff.

Those would be great things to have on my side.

Another thought was that I might even get to be on TV. Saving a bunch of people, not just Fabian and Myla, was bound to get a lot of attention. The story would just about have to spread like crazy. People would adore me. It might actually propel me somewhere so great, I wouldn’t need fucking Fabian Ness’ help anyway.

There were a bunch of other things rolling around in my head as I watched Doug go from sane to batshit crazy in the span of just a few minutes.

I decided, in that moment mind you, to go with my newly created Plan B option and be the hero. The savior. The guy that rescues everyone.

In retrospect, and I don’t know why this never even entered into my head, I probably should have been more terrified. Terrified like all the others. Like Fabian. Doug was clearly not in the right state of mind and even though we kinda sorta knew one another, that did not guarantee my own safety. Let’s just say that I definitely leaped before I looked. The fear did eventually hit me but only after it was all said and done.

So, with my mind made up, I decided to slowly and very quietly move myself into a position where I could tackle Doug to the ground. You’d think that would be harder to do but with him pretty much only having his eyes on Fabian and Myla, it was easier than you’d think. The real trouble was to do it without the security detail seeing me. They were keeping their distance, some with guns trained on the guy, others with tasers. I didn’t want them to try and stop me from trying to stop Doug from permanently stopping Fabian from ever breathing again. That would put a pretty swift end to my Plan B.

Fortunately though, they were all focused on Doug and didn’t seem to notice me slinking closer and closer to the action. It took a lot longer than I thought it would to get into position. There were more than a few moments where I thought Doug had spotted me but when he didn’t swing his gun my way or call me out by name, I figured it was probably just my overactive imagination fucking with me.

As harebrained and dumb as this idea of mine was, it actually worked just like I saw it playing out in my head. That almost never happened to me. Most of the time my plans had a way of going tits up pretty quickly. I don’t know if it was God or some other otherworldly type immortal creationist figure but for some reason, it all worked almost exactly as I pictured it going in my head. I raced out. I tackled Dougie-boy a second before he pulled the trigger (and yes, even this part was pictured in my head because everyone loves a hero, true, but everyone loves a hero that makes things a bit more…suspenseful…before saving the day). The gun went off but I had knocked it out and up, well away from Fabian or Myla or anyone else for that matter. I still don’t know exactly where the bullet went but after the police showed up and they made sure everyone was fine, they said the only casualty had been Doug himself. It was just one more miracle in a surprisingly long string of them.

And it all, and I can’t stress this enough, went my way.

Thank you God or supreme immortal being up there that may or may not have created this universe I find myself living in.

The rush of adrenaline. The surge of excitement and fear. The pounding of my heart. It was easily the most…I’m not even sure what word fits the best here. I felt fucking alive! Truly. I mean, imagine having a bolt of electricity zipping through every part of you. It tingled, it was so electric.

Then it was all over. Over as fast as it began. I know Doug got shot by the security guys, but after I tackled him, everything got really fuzzy. I’m not really sure when that happened. But the takeaway from all this is that I pulled it off. I was the hero. Despite being what most would consider the villain, I turned it around.

But that notion, I guess, was one that only existed in my own fucked up head.

Did I save the life of one of my oldest friends (hell at that point he was also my only friend)? Yes. Did I do it because I’m an asshole and thought it would make him forgive me? Also yes. But come on! I still saved the guy’s life. If that doesn’t scream forget and forgive, then what does?

The answer is…I have no fucking clue.

Because Fabian didn’t move on. He thanked me, sure, but that was all. In the meeting I just had with him, he was as cold as ice. I know he has every right to still be pissed at me, but you’d think saving him from certain death would thaw him out just a little bit. Apparently, the only thing I am going to get is that icy thank you.

Plan B equals utter failure.

As I’m writing this down, I can almost see my life sort of lining up. All those terrible decisions. The consequences. Everything I’ll have to live with going forward.

What is there left for me?

I’m trying. I’m trying really hard to figure out an answer to that question. I put so much into my life with Fabian. Being his friend. Working with him. I’m a fucking dumbass! Numbers were the only thing I was ever good at and now, once word gets out I embezzled and got fired, no one in their right mind will hire me.

I lost.

Everything is gone.

But there is one thing that’s coming through loud and clear. A way out.

Fabian, if you happen to read this, I want you to know that you fucking drove me to this. And you know it. I know everyone will side with you. They’ll say I was the evil bastard and they’ll be right. I don’t know if evil is quite right. I don’t think what I did was all that evil but it was fucked up to say the least. I won’t say I’m sorry. What happens next can serve as an apology, I suppose. In a twisted, fucked up way that is. You were a good friend to me. I don’t want you to think I’m stupid enough not to realize that. You gave me a lot of chances when no one else would. But I still want you to feel a little fucking sad.

Feel bad about this or don’t, but still move on. I hope you can do that. I’ve known you for a long time and I bet you can. But you’ll feel it first. That’s the secret you don’t want anyone to know about you. As controlled and collected as you make everyone think you are, you’re just as human as the rest of Mr. AI. Remember that nickname? I haven’t used that in a long time.

It’s been real.

****

I looked down at those last words but I didn’t feel any sadness or guilt or remorse or even a hint of what do you call it?...reservation? It was like seeing them made my decision a final, definite thing. There’s a sort of relief that comes with that feeling. It’s weird, no doubt about that.

I closed the journal. It was brand new. I got it at a small bookshop near the shitty hotel I had to get once Fabian fired me and stopped paying my hotel bill. I stepped away from the rickety desk I’d been sitting at for several hours. My legs felt stiff when I tried to get up and refused to work like they should. After a little while though, they went back to normal.

Then I left that rundown, hole-in-the-wall hotel room and walked the streets for a bit. The watch I normally wore on my left wrist was back in my room so I wasn’t sure of the time. I thought it might’ve been midnight. Wouldn’t that be poetic, huh?

My wandering feet finally lead to a tall building. I looked up. Way up.

“This’ll do,” I said to no one.

I went inside and after a very exhausting trip up a lot of steps, I managed to force my way onto the roof. It was a tall building, but it was older and the security in the place was laughably easy to get around. I guess that’s Mr. God or Whoever looking out for me again.

That thought actually made me laugh out loud. Or let out a few wheezed grunts that vaguely sounded like chuckling.

I want to say that I hesitated. That I actually stopped to consider what the impact of what I was about to do would have on everyone else.

I didn’t.

I just jumped.