Chapter 55 A Fragile Hold
The front door closed with a sound. The sound was quiet but definitive. Once again the apartment was enveloped in silence. Something felt different this time.
The weight of the recently concluded conversation and everything left unsaid hung heavy in the air. Fred was a calm sturdy man who stood in the living room. His gaze remained focused on the corridor where Annabel had vanished.
There was still a faint sound of her footsteps. After that nothing. He remained motionless for a minute. He simply listened.
Outside he could hear the distant sounds of traffic and the quiet hum of the kitchen refrigerator. However there was nothing but a thick profound silence from the rear corridor. He was wise enough to avoid rushing in.
Pushing was something he knew better. He went back into the kitchen and started to fill a container with the remaining pasta. He moved slowly and methodically.
He cleaned the forks after the final plate. His thoughts were diverted. The unadulterated unfiltered pain in Annabels eyes as she ran past him was all he could think about.
He would never forget the look. He merely wished to give her room. He wished to give her more time. Leaning against the counter he put away the last of the dishes. At last he gave in to his concern.
He entered the living room after passing through the dining room and the kitchen. It was a long silent hallway that was dark.
He took a light almost hesitating step toward her bedroom door. With a gentle respectful tap he lifted his hand and knocked.
“Annabel?” he asked in a soft low growl. “It's Fred.”
There was complete silence beyond the door. His hand remained up as he waited. He pictured her sitting across from him trying to shut out the outside world with her hands covering her ears.
A bit louder this time he knocked again. Annabel he said again.
“Tell me that you're okay please, nothing more.”
A soft sniffle came from inside. Her voice then said muffled “I’m all right. Give me a minute please.”
Freds shoulders loosened a bit. Despite the pain in her voice he was happy to hear it. His hand continued to dangle in midair as he stood there for a few more seconds.
He eventually turned around and returned to the living room. He took a seat on the same couch that Annabel had occupied an hour before. He reached for his phone but was distracted.
While waiting he continued to gaze at the hallway. There were ten minutes. Next twenty. He was starting to feel the effects of the quiet. He was aware that he couldnt abandon her in that condition.
He had to make sure she was all right. He must be present. He stood back up and made his way back to her door. However he did not knock this time. In a silent methodical motion he turned the handle and pushed it open.
Annabel sat with her back against the headboard of her bed. At the time of her escape from the bar she was still dressed in the same outfit.
Despite having a clean face she had puffy red eyes. She had a wet and crumpled tissue in her hand. She had been in tears. He stepped inside and she hurried to wipe her face.
“I told you I'm fine.”She said in a slightly sharper tone than before.
Fred remained silent in response. He merely gazed at her. He could see the strain in her shoulders and the way she carried herself as though she were about to run.
He saw the pain in her eyes. He could see the fear. He left the door open as he entered the room. He didn't get too near. He made his presence known while still giving her room. He moved slowly.
He was a few feet away from her sitting on the edge of the bed.
“I'm not going to pressure you.” He said in a quiet low voice. I won't ask you to talk about anything if you dont want to.”
Annabel gave him a look. Her eyes asked a silent question but she remained silent. He responded to it.
“I simply want to let you know that you are not alone. I am right here. And I'll remain here for however long you require me to. Annabel you are safe. There is nothing for you to be concerned about.”
Between them he allowed his words to linger. The previously stiff shoulders of Annabel started to loosen up. She opened her fists slowly after clenching them.
She seemed taken aback by the shift as she gazed down at them. He did not move. He didnt talk. He simply sat there in silence a reassuring presence.
“I just cant believe this is my life.” Annabel finally said in a voice that was hardly audible above a whisper. “I just... I've had enough of everything. Being strong is getting old to me.”
All Fred did was nod.
He didn't say anything.He simply listened to what she said. He allowed them to dangle in midair.
“Carson…” She started but stopped. “He simply does not understand. I can't just go back but he doesnt understand. I can't act like nothing happened.”
With gentleness Fred said “He’s hurting too. His pain however differs from yours. And at this moment your pain is the only thing that counts.”
A tear trickled down Annabels cheek from her eye. She made no attempt to remove it. Ive always had to be the one to fix things she said tears welling up in her eyes.
“It’s always been my responsibility to put things right. But I'm simply exhausted. I no longer want to make any corrections. I simply desire... for safety's sake.”
The words poured out quickly a flood of all the feelings she had been suppressing. It broke the dam. Her eyes began to well up with tears more quickly. She made a deep shuddering sound as she wept.
It came from someone who had been suppressing their emotions for too long. Fred remained motionless. A silent bulwark in her storm he simply sat there. He waited until the worst of the tears stopped and she calmed down.
Her eyes were filled with a raw desperate pain and had red rims when she finally raised her head to face him.
“I'm so sorry.”She said in a trembling voice.
“Don't be.” Fred said in a soft voice. “You don't have to say sorry for your feelings.”
An inch or two closer, he made a silent offer of consolation. Annabel's eyes remained focused on his. She could see the genuine care and sincerity there. She hadnt seen that expression in a long time.
Her body was shaking from the sobs she had left behind as she sat on the bed. She really did look at him and she could see the patience in his posture and the kindness in his eyes.